Thomas was a like-able guy. Mid-twenties lived alone in his comfy apartment. He worked for a well known software company in the development branch. It was a simple 9 to 5 job that paid the rent and allowed him to have his leisure time. Thomas was well groomed, stood about 5'11" with short messy dirty blonde hair. He had cold icy blue eyes with a pristine white smile. He kept in pretty good shape by exercising every morning. Thomas owned a nice little sports car that in hope it would impress people on the streets as he drove to and from work.
Every day was routine for Thomas. Wake up at six in the morning and do a little work out. That was followed by an impressive full course breakfast. After eating it was time for his shower and to get ready for work. Every day before leaving he'd glance out his window to the world below wishing he only knew what lay in store for him that day.
Work has also turned out to become a routine. Every day he would swipe his badge at the entry gate to clock in. He would walk in to his section of the building filled with tiny cubicles with the sounds of millions of buttons on a keyboard clicking. It wasn't the annoying sound of clicks that bothered Thomas but the everlasting silence of no one speaking. Everyone was so focused on their job that there wasn't a social bond between any co-workers. Coffee breaks and lunch breaks were spent in such a fashion that people left their cubicle and into the break room in a rush. They sat at a table to eat their lunch all alone by themselves. Without a word to anyone they would walk back to their cubicle for the reminder of the day. Not to break the norm of the department Thomas followed suit and ate his lunch alone in the corner staring at people going in and out of the break room while he had his meal.
Nights for Thomas consisted of coming back home to his empty apartment for a simple healthy meal. For a few hours he would catch a sitcom or sporting event on television just so that if things finally changed around the work place he could join in on the conversation. After watching television he would spend the last couple of hours reading a book in bed. He loved all stories and most books he owned were from the collection of his parents.
This life style lasted for a year. Doing the exact same thing every single day; looking out his window expecting some type of change. But every night something brewed deep inside Thomas' mind. A feeling he couldn't quite place. As time passed the feeling got stronger and started to develop into its own being...
Thomas look at yourself in the mirror for once. Do you enjoy what you see in the reflection? You're not living your own life. You're letting life just pass you by. For a year now all you've done is sit on the sidelines and expect life to come out and grab a hold of you. For once take the initiative at work, be the one to speak up. Stop sitting in the shadows of your cubicle hiding from what people might think of you.
The following morning was different for Thomas. He hit the snooze on his alarm clock instead of working out. He ate a small cold breakfast without even cleaning up. His shower was long and freezing cold. There were bags under his eyes as he walked by the window. However this time he didn't stare out to the world. He pulled down the blinds and ignored the world.
How he got to work is anyone's best guess. Lost and confused in a spiral of emotions he drove in a daze ignoring the rude hand gestures and honks of fellow drivers. He swiped his card at the entry gate and wearily made it to his cubicle. His world was total silence. He thought about what the voice inside him had said during the night. It was lying. It had to be lying because he wasn't the only one living in the shadows of his cubicle. Everyone did it so why change it? What good would it do? Work followed as usual. The quick lunch in the far corner of the break room not glancing up to speak to anyone but keeping to himself.
That night he ate junk food and fell asleep on the couch watching late night talk shows. The voice would return again...
This is how you wanted to change is it? Taking the initiative to sulk deeper into the shadows. Life isn't about this at all. Life is about taking that first step into something new and adventurous. Instead you're stepping backwards and digging yourself into a hole of depression. You need to face forward with your head held high. Do it now before it's too late.
The following few weeks Thomas' living and work habits continued to decline; so much that he was eventually fired from the software company. For the next few days all he ever did was lie on the couch and write on his laptop...
So we've finally caught up to present day huh? It took you long enough. Are you happy with yourself? Are you enjoying your time spent all alone silently wondering where life went downhill?
I'm not wondering where or when life went downhill. I'm wondering why I'm still here. What my purpose is to continue to be here. No one even knows I exist.
That's because you never made yourself exist to them. You always kept to yourself thinking that the world would just open up to you. That someone would just magically appear and hold your hand. Those people at work were open to you but you refused to open to them.
If that's so then why did everyone keep to themselves? Everyone just focused on getting their job done as quickly as they could and didn't care about talking in the break room.
How would you know? You put yourself in the closest cubicle to the exit. You ate in the far corner of the break room. You're the only one that acted that way because you were so wrapped up in your own thoughts and emotions. You couldn't open up to other people.
Whatever, what do you know anyway? You're just a voice inside my head.
Would you wake up for just a moment? Life's not over, you can surpass this. You can climb up and out of this hole and be a better person than before. Don't play dead, come with me and over come this obstacle.
Oh yeah, because life's worth it. If there's one thing the silence has taught me, it's that living in it is about the same as living life as a successful person. The successful person still has to deal with the agony of pain, loss, and death. Within my silence all of those are brought into one. I was able to deal with my own happiness of overcoming my silence at points but then it was the only thing that could bring me down in life.
Would you quit lying to yourself! There isn't one bit of happiness within you. Think about it for a moment. You've written out your feelings on a computer as if...wait you're really planning to do this aren't you? That's the reason you've been writing this out. Well read this one very carefully even twice if you have to. You're not only disappointing me but Him also for not having the strength in your heart to overcome the thoughts that plague your mind. But perhaps this is the way it ought to be.
For those who it may concern, I'll see you on the other side.