Facing the Blame

by Ellisa Finnell

Life had been ruff the past few weeks for Aurora. She spent most of her days in bed, locked in some blurry haze. She knew the time was coming to begin life again. How long would they allow her to miss work? How long would her friends let her sit in her sorrow before dragging her back into her old routine? Life had crumbled for her nearly three weeks ago; when she lost her. She thought for sure there was no way to go on without her.

Life certainly didn't hold the same happiness and wonder it did when Kylie was here. She felt all the normal things people felt with the death of a loved one, anger, depression, grief, and of course the guilt. The terrible pain of failing her one and only baby sister. How could she of allowed Kylie to fall so hard? Who else could be held responsible?

Her parents were long gone. Her dear old Dad had left when Aurora was three years old, her Mother to much for him to handle. Kylie never even met him. Her Mother, well she was still around but Aurora wouldn't even speak to her. Not even with the recent tragedy. She had been locked in a mental institution for many years, for that dreadful night when she tried to take her and her childrens lives. Kylie had still loved her Mother, going to visit often, against all Aurora's pleas and complaints.

So the blame was all Aurora's. Aurora was the one who was supposed to protect her. She was the one who took care of her, and loved her, and she was the one that let her die. She stopped paying attention to her sister; she let her walk down the wrong path. Times had been hard, with work, paying rent, trying to keep Kylie in school, and all of the other things that made life so hard to bear. But she should have always kept Kylie in the corner of her eye, never giving up on the 17 year old girl who was bound to get into some trouble, as we all did.

She let her sister slip she was tired of being the older sister always calling, and nagging, tired of always having all responsibility on her shoulders. She let Kylie make mistakes hoping she would learn as she had. Only Kylie wasn't as smart, she needed guidance. However Aurora had become so engulfed in her own life she rarely checked on Kylie, she only wanted to give her a little space. But that space grew into a giant distance between the two sisters. By the time Aurora began to notice there was something wrong it was too late as it always is.

She lost her baby sister, and this time there was no fixing it. Kylie was dead gone, and buried. A heroin overdose claimed her at 17 years old, as it has many other young girls and boys. Any distance would be closed enough Aurora often found herself thinking. All the things Aurora could have done played in her head thousands of times.

She would never accept that the blame wasn't hers to own. Sure there were thing she could have done differently things she could have changed, but that still didn't make it her fault. Now it was up to Aurora to keep living, to carry on in life with just the memory of her sister. It didnt seem to help when her friends tried to place the blame elsewhere. Saying it was their parents fault for never being there. Or the people that sold her the drugs should be the ones carrying the burden.

She began shutting them out one by one never wanting their pity. The road in front of her would be long and hard, however she knew she must face it. There was no other option. She would live knowing she couldnt let her sister down again. The guilt would always be there. But she would live again.

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