April 6, 2013: My 19th year alive.
Who is the ONE person I actually want to see besides my family? You. If only for an hour. You.
I thought you were actually getting off early and were going to surprise me and come eat with me and my family.
But you were working. I know you HAVE to work. It didn't make me mad because I know you HAVE to do it. I was upset because you blammed me for not seeing you on my birthday.
I wanted to see you, yes. But I figured you would make the effort to see me. Sorry that I didn't text you back. USUALLY you text me saying when you DO leave, shortly after you say "getting ready to leave."
I would've texted you back if I'd known we'd be broken up now.
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April 7, 2013: The first day of being 19.
I don't remember much, except you worked all day again. I wanted to come to your house. The one decision I've made in a long time.
You wouldn't let me.
You don't ever want me over.
You don't want to be at your house. I don't want to be at mine either.
I would've let you come over if I'd known we'd be broken up now.
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You decided in the shower.
That's like 30 minutes.
30 minutes to end a year and two month relationship?
You crushed me.
You hurt me.
You won't even let me talk.
"I told you I'd call you."
The last time I heard that, I never got a call back.
You tell me "We'll meet in person, maybe it can work out. I don't know."
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Hope.
You gave me hope.
False hope?
I hope not.
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April 8, 2013: Will I ever stop crying?
Wake up.
Cry.
Shower.
Cry.
Clean.
Cry.
Homework.
Cry.
Try to sleep.
Cry.
Drive.
Cry.
Tan.
Cry.
Homework.
Cry.
Cry.
Cry.
Call you.
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"Are you coming over?"
"I'm dirty. It's 8:30. When I leave, it'll be 9. Shower. 9:30. Then by the time I'm ready, it's 9:45."
"So probably not."
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Hang up.
Cry.
Cry.
Cry.
Cry.
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Brittany. What is wrong with you. It's not the end of the world.
One more day that goes by.
One more day that I miss you like crazy.
One more day that you're getting over this.
And another day I wish I was yours.
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"Do I need to take my ring off?"
Your hesitation gave it all away.
Yes.
With how you reacted the last time I took it off, you freaked out.
This time...
a hesitation.
"If you want."
If I want?
If I want?
What do I want?
I want to be your girlfriend. I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to be together. I want to be best friends.
I want to be everything you've ever wanted.