The Problem With Death
The bus driver sends me a weird look as he turns the corner. I stare at him some more, unintentionally walking onto the road.
I hit the dirt as an angry motorist blares his horn, giving me the finger. I give it back, now standing back up again.
I dust myself off and board the oncoming bus to the city.
My friend slaps me on the back as we walk down the busy street. Steam rises from the alley, blinding us temporarily.
I push my way through the smoke, only to hear a loud crash behind me.
We all turn to see a metal beam on the pavement and a worried worker some 10 metres up.
Lucky.' My friend says.
I fiddle with the radio station on my phone as I get off the train.
Mass stampede outside Melbourne Zoo. Avoid area.'
Sure enough, I look up to see a group of baboons going crazy and running around.
I turn back around to the station.
I prepare the food carefully, cutting everything precisely.
I turn on the stove and hear a strange noise. I back away from the kitchen into the living room to hear a loud bang. I peek my head in the kitchen to see a mass flame about a metre high.
I put out the flame quickly. Lucky, I chant in my head.
My date clutches to my arm protectively upon seeing a man do a smash n grab up ahead, wielding a knife.
We hid behind a bush, and see him exit the store and stab a passerbyer.
She and I cover our gasps as he fled in the night.
A storm is approaching, and I'm still out in the open. I gaze up at the sky at the black clouds looming.
10 minutes later, I run to the nearest cover and clutch onto the pillar, as I see the water flowing like the sea down the street.
Loud screams break through to me as I look to see a woman pulled into the stream and hurtle down into a truck. Dead.
Due to all my near accidents over the past week, I'm staying home on a Saturday.
At 5 after 10pm, reports come through the TV of an earth quake running through Melbourne.
It took out businesses, pubs and the bar I go to every Saturday night.
I breathe out heavily, placing the remote on the table. This is crazy. I'm taking a week's holiday.
Well that was pointless. On my holiday, I almost drowned in the sea, got bitten by a sea erchant but told it's only deadly in men.
Also the resort charged my credit card way too much, and I kicked up a fuss, causing the manager to bring out his tommy gun.
I ran for the hills after that.
Maybe God is trying to tell me something with all these near deaths.
Oh well, my life won't change.
I visited the supermarket to grab some bottles of mother.
The cashier chick was hot, and I flirted shamelessly while she scanned my drinks.
I clutch her number in my palm as I descend the hill.
Clack clack clack
What is that noise?
I turn around to see a woman flailing her arms around and a runaway trolley full of coca cola cans coming towards me.
I dodge it, feeling the wind of the trolley pass me, and crash in the curb below.
I look up to see the woman, who is smiling ridiculously.
Hello, I almost got run over by soda, how about a little bit of sympathy?
I should know better than to go down the street where that metal beam fell, but the only comic book store for blocks is down here.
I stop just short of the spot, watching the steam rise. I run through, and hear a fizzing sound behind me.
Apparently a whole 10 barrels of sand fell from the roof this time. I look up to the same worker.
He is so getting fired.
Am I over eager to call that girl 2 days later? Nah.
2 hours later, I find myself at her place, watching everyone get high.
C'mon just do a line.' She whispers in my ear.
Sure I do anything for lady loving but drugs isn't it.
I shake my head. She scoffs and motions for her friend to do it, just to prove it's safe.
What I saw after that convinced me to the moon and back. Her friend stumbled and collapsed onto the ground.
I part ways 2 hours later, away from the body bag and home.
I walk through Melbourne Central at 6am, but something doesn't feel right. I hang back and hid behind a wall.
The man passing me gives me a weird look but keeps walking.
When he walks past the central clock, a ruff looking man jumps out and chokes him to death.
After it, he knicks the guy's wallet and jacket and runs out the other entrance.
The next day, I stay home convinced death can't reach me at home. I stay home for 7 days.
I surface on a Monday. I walk through Chinatown, taking in the smells and sights.
I come across a food stand and the man behind it beckons me to try his food. My view on foreign food is that if I don't cook it, it isn't safe. However this looks alright, but I want to see if it's safe.
When the next person comes along, she immediately tries it.
She clutches her throat and stomach, a pained expression on her face.
She collapses face down on the dragon carpet. Dead.
I slowly walk away from the now death scene.
I promptly get off the tram, but stop dead in my tracks as another tram powers through right in front of me.
I was this close to taking that extra step.
For some strange reason, I find myself surrounded by reptiles. Oh right, my friend roped me into it.
The presentation finishes, but screams can be heard coming from one of the hallways.
A distressed girl comes running out.
Run for your lives! The Monty Python is loose and it's already taken out 4 kids!'
We all scramble and I get pushed to the ground. Suddenly I am face to face with the Monty. I calmly reach for the chair and smash it, killing it.
I'm covered in green Monty but I don't care.
Lucky.' My friend chimes in, now joining me.
I sip on my martini, while my friend greets the guests.
Someone pumps up the music and we start dancing. Sometime in the dance, we pair up.
I almost got heavy breather' Jones, but then he went to my friend.
When it comes to the body spinning, I notice my friend spinning incredibly fast. Then Jones, probably sweaty from dancing, slips out of my friends hands, and sends her flying across the room, and through the glass window.
It shatter ear splittingly, and sends her 5 stories down.
I race to the window to see my friend motionless on the ground.
I get off Flinders Street and switch for the Alamein line.
The platform is quiet, normal for a Friday at 10am I'm taking a trip to Alamein station to take my mind off my friends death.
6 minutes later, I hop on the train, noticing that worker from the alley.
I scoff at his negligence, but choosing not to say anything. I got him fired, I'm good.
As the train moves, I take in the beautiful skyline of Melbourne, towering buildings and numerous people.
I will never get tired of seeing it.
A screeching noise breaks me out of my day dream as I notice we have just left Ashburton station, and by this time, there's hardly anyone on the train. I feel the seats vibrating, and the lights flicker out above me.
I look up and notice the power lines are cut, and the train wavering slightly.
Trees flash past me, as the train now deviates off the tracks, and goes hurtling towards the biggest tree in the area.