Tales From the Pedicab

by Adventure Wynn

Tales From MobileMark's Pedicab.

In Marietta Ohio you either know someone at a plant who can get you a good job or you are relegated to Pike street. So MobileMark's Pedicab Company was started with the belief that I will meet everyone in town.

Let's get right into it. That's the only attitude that will get you and a family of 4 up 5th street. Which brings me to the first story. As a non believer I didn't know one church from the other and when a family of 4 ask for a lift to the Catholics Church I pictured the Lutheran Church at the bottom of the hill. Man when the mistake was realized I was at the steps of the place. My body language spoke volumes I'm sure. They chuckled and said that's OK. I said "Oh no remain seated we are going up that hill." So I cranked and cranked and cranked...and as always people were like "Stop! You're going to kill yourself!" So then I'd have to gasp at them "No!.........its........fine!"

Anyway I made it. We made it! We always did. But this time was when there was a huge number of bicyclists touring Ohio and they camped in mtta for the night. there was a large group waiting in front of this church I didn't see and had watched me the whole time and when I got there they all started cheering. No big deal. Even these folks were blown away and asked me how I did it. Which struck me as odd since they were touring Ohio by bicycle? One guy did ask "How much does this weigh?" I said 200lbs he gasped and said something like "My bike weighs 17ounces!"

But that pleading of the customers got old quick. I would tell people "I can take you all the way ladies but if you start begging me to stop your just going to make it that much harder." Lets just say few doubted me. I had five college girls in that once. It had a 500lb limit. All together we were 1000lbs that night. They had $20 and it was all or nothing. I happily dragged them down front street. I also got two huge boys in the cab one day without even thinking about it. I heard them giggling and talking "Oh I know I'm 300lbs and you're at least that." Another 1000lb load. I broke the chain several times leaning on it over the years. My cab did developed a noticeable wobble after that particular fare.

Funny story how I picked MobileMark's as the name. A guy I worked with at a pizza shop had a side hustle called MobileMart and he gave me a tee shirt. Every picture that summer I had that damn shirt on and my girlfriends kids took to calling me MobileMark. So later it just seemed right. Never would have guessed that huh?

The very first weekend I had it I was hauling these three girls down front and one says "Hey MobileMark take us down this alley so you can take a picture of our tits." Nothing more needs told about that. Other than to say I was right! The biggest cash tip I ever got was at least $60 for crossing the bridge to the West Side to the Old Barge Inn & Stumble out.. I don't think it was the Barge at the time. I think I remember a few Sternwheel Festival Saturdays where I made $400.

Also the first week or so I picked up a guy at The Boat Club who owned a fab shop and he immediately offered me a job welding for the petroleum industry. That's how long it took to meet someone who was a better connection for work. I said "I don't know how." He said "I'll teach you." How can you say no to that? I did. I said "I just got this thing I got to at least pay this off before I quit." But a couple years later I did call him and he remembered me. How could you forget? People always saw me at my best. Doors opened and people remembered me.

Mayor Mathews called me one night and said "Mark I just want to give you a heads up. Some Republicans on city council don't like my signs on your cab and they're fixing to cause trouble for you because you never paid for the permit." I was like..."They cant get away with this?" That's what convinced me to only taking tips. Screw them stop me now. And I went way more I took all Mathews signs off and put my own sign saying "The REPUBLICANS WANT TO TAX ME out of business because of my supporters!" I drove that up and down and all around. I even took my BANJO to the end of the Williamstown Bridge and stood beside it playing for attack attention! I got asked one day by a couple I did not know who later turned out to be republicans on city council why. I told em I cant take being bullied and that's the truth! Come to think of it the guy with the fab shop had a picture of him and Senator Ron Johnson shaking hands?! It all makes sense now why he offered me the job! To get me off the street! I'm kidding I met him way earlier.

But the best of all to come of this was I left work on lunch to drive it down Putnam and i happened past none other than head dickhead John Grimm hanging a For Mayor sign up... I had seen this pathetic George Santos looking asshole at the festivals explaining to children very emotionally and animatedly what the difference between a Democrat and Republican was, So I wanted to smack him all summer you could say. So here was my chance I peddled slowly by oblivious...nothing... so I casually U turned when out of sight and just as casually peddled back past. This time he bit and hailed me. So as I'm coasting to a stop he says "We've had some kind of...." and I yell at the top of my lungs "FUCK YOU!" I set that hook hard!

I LOVE this story. So we"re on the corner of Putnam and Fourth and he immediately turns red faced and the steam's coming out his ears. He yells "You can't go around spreading lies!" I yell back "I can do any fucking thing I want you asshole!" At one point spit is flying out of his mouth at me! i mean literally. I see it. He says "Who told you that we want to tax you!" And as I'm turning and leaving I yell at him over my shoulder "AN EVIL GENIUS!" I never talked to Joe Mathews after that one call but I like to think he got he money's worth. I was expecting him to contact me in the future wanting a body disposed of but he never did.

I wrote that story and immediately posted it all over the Republicans pages. He lost obviously. But remember if you will the tea party republicans and the beaver skin hats? One of those guys contacted me and I quoted John Adams to him and said, "A man with no more control over his emotions is fit for nothing but children's play." er some shit like that. He said i cant argue with you. That's the only time I ever agreed with one of those idiots.

Once on the pedicab just to see what happened I rode it to Beverly to the fab shop I worked. I think it was 30 miles round trip. I knew the place was closed but I knew it was a small town. In fact i stopped at the corner store and told the girl inside as I was leaving "You better come check this out cause people will be talking about it." The next day at work the biggest grumpy bastard in the place who never said a word to no one walked up to me with a huge smile and said I past you twice on that crazy thing yesterday!

Ali Clines parents past me going up that huge...is it peabakers hill...anyway Ali Cline Van Skoik mom asked her dad "Should we ask if he needs help?" and he said "He wouldn't be there if he didn't want to be there." And that is a wise man.

And you know maybe the coolest story was how I got it. I saw my neighbors old fat wife on the roof trying to repair some shingles. The husband was too fat. I immediately was like "Are you crazy Get down!" So I climbed up and patched it. A week later the guy calls over to me out of the blue and says did you read that article in the paper about that guy that is buying a pedicab?" I said "That's me, I'm mark Wynn." He says..."I'm a loan officer at a bank if you need anything you come talk to me." and he gave me the loan for the cab.

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