I Just Had My First Fistfight in 20 Years.

by Adventure Wynn

I fought a few times successfully as a young guy. I had some spectacular wins in fact against knives and 2x4s. But that was a long time ago and the mind ages a lot slower than the body.

I live in a country where a fight is not unheard of. I mean you can fist fight and no one calls the cops. There's no police industry or lawyer industry here so that leaves men to settle shit like men. And people take their asswhippins as they come. In my former country it was unheard of that a guy who insists on getting beat up doesn't call the cops afterwards. Because really from my experience most men in my former country are bitches.

A fist fight between men is liberating if it's taken well and it's not muddled by the law enforcement industry. But you have to accept the results and bitches don't.

Anyway I came home from a typical work day to walk my dog... Tiny, well trained dog. Immediately this dog that we've never encountered attacks him. Where I live street dogs are everywhere so you need to know them or be ready to deal with them. I had a small dog die from one bite before so I carry a shovel handle as a walking stick ready to pass judgement.

Anyway I hit this dog and break up the fight quickly as is my habit and the owner of this dog is very unpleased. Quickly he escalates it and attacks me and I find myself dodging these flailing telegraphed shots from the next town over when I noticed his teen son swinging on me too. The kid might have connected but then the kid kicks me in the testicles, both of them HARD! I will say although I didn't notice any pain I also went down on my knees at the same time because the dog had a good bite of my leg and was pulling really hard. This all happened at once so I lost my footing like rookie and went down. I was amazed in the middle of the fight because none of it hurt. I mean it should've! Especially the forceful kick to my groin.

At this point the father was behind me flailing still and the kid was winding up again to kick me again. I was in a tough spot. I had to cry mercy. I yelled "Pare!" several times which is stop in the local idioma. And it stopped. The guy gave me a lecture I couldn't really understand but from experience I don't doubt it was about his mercy. He must've been watching a different fight.

As usual I escaped a near beating somehow unscathed... Other than the dog bite on my leg but it was all in good fun. I'm glad my neighbor won the day and can brag. The alternative is me feeling terrible for slapping my neighbor around. Plus loosing is a much better story. I wanted to go redeem myself by slapping him, his son and the dog around, but I'm older now and truly have nothing to loose so who cares. I've always had a knack for taking a beating with a smile. So I can take the asswhipping this time... I've had a lot worse.

But to get some satisfaction I walked to the guys house with a couple beers to apologize. Because I wanted the guy to see me walking with my head up and a pleasant disposition so soon after the fight. That usually impresses and confuses most people. He was outside still steaming. The kid was there and I assume his father too.

So I got the satisfaction of laughing it off even though he didn't. I insisted we talk a minute and he repeated that I made a big mistake. I said we all overreact once in a while, I said the whole world over reacts sometimes and offered him the beer a couple times. He rejected it. He was angry.

I was happy to have the experience and to do it in front of his father and son. No doubt it will give everyone something to think about. As I left I looked at the kid and raised my beer and said, "Chico".

Now in regards to the mind aging slower than the body... I still think I'm a badass but I have a healthy suspicion I'm no tougher than most, although I can dodge like a champ. As always the first thing is, whether you win or loose to be in the right. And I'll defend my dog with severe prejudice and that was my final word on the subject with the guy. I'll take that embarrassing performance any day. It truly does not matter.

As an interesting side note the dog had a "Service Dog" vest on but it offered no protection from my shovel handle. I only wish it were a K9 unit.

This was a wonderful and humbling experience I'm am gratified to have had. I recommend it. Like I said it's the best scenario. I don't want to beat my neighbor up... That sucks. I'd still be pissed right now if I had as I'm sure he is.

In defeat is where you find the measure of a man. Besting an opponent feels good but besting yourself feels so much better. So you can't tell me I didn't win.

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