Dave Funk From Little Hocking Ohio Is Dead

by Adventure Wynn

Dave Funk died before Facebook. Thank god we all lived before it too.

I was a pretty good friend of Dave's and he never got the Obituary he wanted so if I may...

We had some serious drunken fistfights with each other and I had to fistfight my way out of so many bars because of this asshole's big mouth I think I earned it too.

Dave served in the Marines. Recon Echo company. The racial devides he was exposed to in the military he likened to prison. He fell in with Skinheads cause they were the only group that could accept his wild behavior. Dave wasn't focused on hating anyone in particular, and if not for his time in the military it never would have crossed his mind. He ultimately proved to extreme for everyone, including me to a certain extent.

Dave had some weird Ass parents, so weird in fact, to the day he died he lied and said he was adopted. I used to tease him and say, "That's really unfortunate cause you and your papa are two of the ugliest sons of bitches on Earth. And to think You're adopted?"

Dave played in the Hand Bell choir when small but he soon got big enough to tell his old man to shove that stupid sh!t and started listening to punk rock. He had a flair for art and became a tattoo artista for about 10 years. He knew Hank at Lejuene and Painless Paul in NOLA. He had his own Shop for awhile in Parkersburg WV, working with Al Sully. This interest lead him to desecrate his temple on many a drug fueled evening.

He lived fast, died young and left a monstrously bloated corpse. His parents were so amused by the sickening remains they insisted on an open casket to fully display the error of his ways. This coupled with the critical sermon came very close to getting everyone's asses whipped and the church burnt to the ground by a group of bikers and true friends.

We all discussed our options and thought about taking his body and walking out and setting it on fire cause those of us that loved this Mother Fucker knew that's what Dave would've wanted. No real friend even knows where the worms feast on him, cause they knew we would dig him up for one Last party. Then we all dropped acid at the wake. His old man should Thank his god that he survived that disgraceful spectacle.

Rate this submission


You must be logged in to rate submissions

Loading Comments