Donnie's Delightful Day

by Blake McCoy


This is a story of modern day politics in the setting of an elementary school.

    Donnie woke up, combed his cotton candy mane, then put on his sharpest suit, red tie and reddest ballcap. He looked in the mirror, admired his huge hands and grabbed his lunchbox. Just before he walked through the front door he shouted, "Hey, mom, dad, I'm leaving!"

    "My my don't you look professional" said Fred, Donnie's dad.

    "Thank you father, I appreciate it" Donnie replied. "My first day as line leader will be one for the books. The crowd will be huge, bigger than the crowd for Barry. The applause will be so loud I may have to put my hair in my ears. It'll be incredible. I am very pleased to say that I, Donnie, will single handedly make America Elementary great again!"

    "You make me so proud son! I knew that small loan of a million pennies would pay off, go make me proud today son."

    "Don't worry about me dad, I got this, I was the most qualified, I won by a landslide, Hillary didn't stand a chance. Hmmm I wonder what she is doing right now... I bet she is sad, very sad. Hahaha!"

    On the other side of town Hillary was already up and prepared to take on her first day of 5th grade as well. Although she was not the line leader, she was still going to be sure to make an impact on America Elementary School. Her loss put her in a bad place for a while but she had to go to school and show herself to her classmates. She walked out her door without saying bye to her parents because they were not up yet.

    She walked over to her boyfriend Billy's house. Billy and Hillary had been a couple ever since kindergarten. They had a little falling out back in 2nd grade when Billy was the line leader. There are a lot of stories that flew around about Billy and some girl named Monica. Monica moved away and we just don't talk about it anymore. Hillary was upset but didn't want to cut ties with Billy because being the line leaders girlfriend has its perks.

Billy was just getting up when Hillary got there. "I apologize Hilly, I was up late last night doing... uhh... important stuff."

    "Ugg come on Billy, we have to get to school, we can't keep Barry and Michelle waiting"

    Barry, the line leader for the time being, was already at school waiting to have to hand over the responsibility to Donnie. He was troubled because he was almost certain that the winner would be Hillary. They uncovered a time when Donnie was younger and he said he could just grab other people's cats and just pet them because he was popular. He could just grab them by their cats and pet them. Anyway, he won. There was nothing anyone could do.

    Barry and Michelle were in the classroom when Billy and Hillary arrived. They walked to the corner, the corner where the career student government sat. They discussed the last line leader election. This just made Hillary upset so they stopped talking about it. All of a sudden, I mean all of the sudden, no, all of the a suddens, the bell rang. That was funny. Donnie was not there. Mrs. Liberty, the teacher, was taking attendance when the door swung open. "You must be Donnie, you're late," Mrs. Liberty said, "please, take a seat"

    "You listen here lady, I'm about to be the new leader, so you better learn your place. For everyone who wanted to know why I was late, and I know it was everyone. I was talking to my girlfriend Melania. She may be a second grader but she is the hottest woman in this school."

    "Excuse me?" Mrs. Liberty was angered. "I will not take this disres-"

    "Clam it woman, I'm the leader now, you report to me" Donnie was smirking to the class. The bell rang meaning it was time for recess. All the class started to leave the room when Donnie shouted, "Stop you buffoons, I'm the line leader get behind me this instant!"

    "Not so fast Donnie, I still have til we get out there" Barry replied. Donnie was angered but he sighed.

    "I'll humor you Barry, have fun before I put you and your little Hillary in eternal timeout" Barry shot Donnie with a smug smile as they all walked to recess. They got to the recess field and all the children, more like half of the children, gathered around the jungle gym. The orchestra of chatter was silenced by Barry's words. "Hello, today marks an important day in the history of America Elementary School. I ask that the position of line leader can be peacefully passed on to" Barry couldn't say it, "Da... Daaah... Don... Donnie." Barry was now breathing heavy.

    "Thank you Barry, where is this mathematics textbook I can put my hand on when I get to become the most powerful man on the playground."

    "Donnie, you know you put your hand on the Bible right?"

    "Who is Bible? I will not put my hand on anyone named Bible!" Donnie turned around and whispered to his homie Mikey, "is Bible a guys name?"

    "Uhhh the Bible is a book, sir" Mikey replied.

    "Oh" Donnie said, "I will touch Bible, I will touch it the best, I am very good at it, I'm sure I'll touch it better than Hillary."

    "Don't make this situation any stranger than it already is." Barry said. He walked to the side and a kid put on his baggiest art shirt and said, "Ok Donnie, put your hand on the Bible" Donnie leaned in and whispered in the kids ear, "Are you sure that Bible isn't a dude?" The kid was frowning.

    "Repeat after me" the kid said, ignoring Donnies previous statement.

    "Repeat after me" Donnie repeated.

    "No, not yet"

    "No, not yet"

    "Knock it off"

    "Knock it off"

    "Screw it, you're line leader"

    "Screw it, I'm line leader" Donnies eyes slowly flooded a red hue. Horns grew from out of his hair. Fangs shot from his mouth and his head swiveled to the children. He muttered the most nefarious laugh ever heard. "Follow me!" Donnie said with an evil grin.

    Stunned, Barry knew that he had to do something. "No, Donnie, I will not follow you!" Donnie's grin flipped upside down. He approached Barry picking up speed by the second. Suddenly, a burst of air disrupted the festival. A nerf bullet struck the back of Barry's head. From a distance of just under one hundred feet, a shirtless, russian boy stood with a nerf gun in hand. His thick russian accent broke the silence, "In Trump we trust". His fist flew to the sky.

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