a story by;
( Everyday she walks pass me and she says hi and today is no different she walks pass me and says hi Rudy I say hello back but today I do something I've never done before I grab her bye the hand she askes me whats wrong I tell her nothing I say theres something I've been wanting to tell you since I first saw you she says what is it I tell her I love you I think about you all the time your always on my mind day and night I don't want to be with anyone else but you. I pour out my heart to her after I'm done she starts crying she says I've been waiting for a very long time for you to say that then she gives me an awesome kiss. Honestly you know thats my wishful thinking she does walk pass me though). Hi Rudy, hi Corina.
.( Thats what usually happens in fact I cant believe I got the Corina to come out of my mouth a lot of the times its just hi and if its not that then its me just smiling like a dork saying nothing back. Who is Corina just the girl of my dreams since I was five when she moved in the house across the street from us. She took my heart that day. Why havent I told her how I feel about her its not like I havent tried but for some reason every time I try to tell her how I feel about her my voice doesnt work then when it does work its like I forgot how to speak english because all I do is mumble. I have no idea why I cant speak to her. I can when I'm doing my would of, could of, should of. Every time a situation comes up were I have opprtunity to tell her how I feel about her I never take it and later on I'm in my bed slapping myself upside the head saying why didnt you say something then laying in bed imagining my would of. If I would have grabbed her bye the hand and tell her I want to talk to her alone. Who knows what would of happened, me laying in my bed thinking about my should of. I should have asked her to dance beating myself up because I didnt, me laying in my bed fantasizing about if I did what I wanted to do I could be calling her my girlfriend right now, if I did what I wanted to do I could be talking to her on the phone right now, if I did what I wanted to do I could be holding hands with her tomorrow at school, if I did what I wanted to do I could be thinking about all the things I want to do for her, if I did what I wanted to do I could be the luckyest man in the world right now.
Have you ever noticed in your should of, would of, could of that your more confident in yourself, your the most romantic person in the world Don Juan has nothing on you, you say all the right words like your the one who taught Shakespeare to write so poetically. You grab her bye the waist you turn her around like if your going to do the Tango with her. She sees how confident you are and she likes it she smiles. You take the incentive on everything you both do you grab her bye the hand and you go dance without asking if she wants to dance. Your the one who gets closer to her you have the gusto but all in a gentlemen way, you walk her to her door and before a weird silence or situation can come up you kiss her and after your done she gives you this expression of wow. Then thats when you tell her everything you have been wanting to tell her then you end it with a I just wanted to let you know how I felt then you walk away but she pulls you back and kisses you she says I feel the same way. Thats my would of, could of, should of with a little fantasy mixed in.
I have had so many of those that my imagination is starting to run out of ideas. Maybe I wouldnt have it so hard for her if she was stuck up or a snob but shes not like that at all shes so sweet to everyone, maybe I wouldnt have it so hard for her if she treated me like I didnt exist but shes always saying hello and talking with me, maybe I wouldnt have it so hard for her if she acted like she doesnt want anything to do with me but shes always inviting me to do things with her. She comes over to my house and askes me what am I doing, maybe I wouldnt have it so hard for her if she didnt make me feel these things I do but she doesnt know because I wont say.
Like I said before its not because I don't want to believe me I do but the words wont come out its like all the words I want to say want to come out at the same time and my mouth is not big enough for me to be able to do that and if not that then my words trip over themselves or some words are so inpatient that they go in front of other words when they shouldnt so when I do talk to her all she hears is mumbling or stutters because I say a word that didnt go in place. Thats why most of the time I just stand there like a dummy yeah I know I look foolish but I look more foolish when I try to speak. I remember the first time she gave me her number she told me to call her for what ever and for when ever. I thought finally I have a way to tell her everything I want to tell her maybe before I couldnt tell her because she was right in front of me I am a shy person so its nerve racking to tell someone you love them what if they don't love you at least on the phone if she doesnt feel the same way it wont be as bad. All I have to do is get the courage. I finally did one day). Hi Corina, hi Rudy whats up, I want to talk to you about something serious to me, is it bad?, no not at all. I have to tell you that I have a crush on you and this is not recently I've had a crush on you since we were little kids. I always wanted to be more than just your friend. Every time I'm around you I'm always happy you make me smile. I think about you every night when I'm up and I cant sleep. Your the one I want to be with and I know this might scare you but I have to tell you anyways I'm in love with you I know you might not feel the same way but I had to tell you.
.( Ok now all I have to do is dial her number and tell her for real this time its easy to say all that to a dial tone. Have you ever done that before rehearse everything you want to say. You go threw a one time run threw then when you finally do make the call and you start talking to her you forget everything you were going to say. This is what really happened when I called her). Hi. Hello is anyone there I'm going to hang up if you don't say anything ok bye.( Click. Oh very slick Rudy what happened to what you were going to tell her. If shes just a girl why cant I say anything to her why can she rip out my vocal chords when I'm around her, if shes just a girl then why cant I be cool around her just act normal without being nervous, acting dorky, or sweating like crazy. If shes just a girl why cant I make small talk with her, if shes just a girl why does my heart beat faster every time I see her. Maybe the reason is because shes just not a girl well at least to me.
Am I the only one who practices things to say that I tell myself I'm going to tell her all this for sure tonight and of course you know I don't. I remember my first dance I went to). Rudy are you going to the school dance, no way thats not my thing, that sucks, why are you going, yeah its going to be fun why don't you come, I don't know, don't worry you'll be with me all night, alright I'll go only for sure your going.( I didnt only spend hours wondering how I'm going to appear but I also spent hours in front of my mirror talking). Wow Corina you look absolutely stunning I'm so happy we will get to spend time together. Would you like to dance. Why is my heart beating so fast because of you I've always had a crush on you I never knew how to tell you until now. I had a great time with you tonight I want to say this before I lose my courage if a guy wanted to know what a dream girl is all they have to do is take a look at you and they will understand. Thats how incredible you are. You are everything I dreamed of and thats why I want to be with you. I'm not going to lie I'm in love with you.
.( Then give her a kiss on the hand and say thank you for an awesome night. Thats what I want to do all I have to do is set all that in motion. If your like me your not only standing in front of your mirror practicing everything you want to say but you also stand in different positions having different postures until the one you find that you think makes you look cool). Rudy your dad is honking his waiting for you, wow you look great Rudy, thank you. You look very pretty yourself.( No! You dummy tell her That she looks absolutely stunning. Do something nerd shes sitting right next to you what happened to what you were going to say to her. All this time you sit there and don't say anything your blowing it. Open your mouth and at least say something). Come dance with me Rudy, I'm not sure Corina.( Shut up and just do what she says).
You see this isnt as bad as you probably thought, no it isnt.( Wow you actually said something. Well tell her what you want to say your not going to get a better situation your both close and your both alone so tell her!). You are the most amazing girl I have ever met everything you do is amazing. I never saw beauty before until I saw you. You have no idea how crazy you got my mind going when it comes to you. Te amo Corina, Rudy, yes Corina, your talking in spanish again, I am, yes I told you not to do that unless your going to teach me how to speak spanish or your going to tell me what you said. You probably told me something sweet and romantic and I wouldnt even know.
.( Now tell her in english come on you can do it). Thanks for the dance.( Great now you might never get another chance. I should of, would of, could of tell her what I wanted to say but I didnt. My mind was right I will never get a better chance than that. This is a girl who I've been in love with since we were both five I've seen her grow up from a girl to a young teenage woman and as every year passes she looks even more stunning also as every year passes my love for her grows. We are now seniors if I don't tell her how I feel I will never be able to. One night I finally told her what was in my heart but one catch I was drunk). You look like your having a great time Rudy, I am, thats good I hardly see a smile on you I've missed it, Corina theres something I have to tell you, ok, I love you I've loved you since I saw you your the only thing I ever think about. I don't think I can see me spending the rest of my life with you I know I see me spending my life with you. Your the one I want to build a future with, have kids with, grow old with. You stole my heart and you don't even know it. I'm in love with you.
( Then bang I pass out when I wake up I see her looking over me as my head is laying on her lap). You had a really great time last night. You said a lot last night.( Tell her everything you said wasnt the beer talking tell her it was your heart instead. I wanted to but I didnt. All I did was lay there. This isnt fare why cant I say the words I want to I know shes no Jedi Knight she cant read my mind. If I don't tell her I'm going to lose her I know that I don't want to lose my angel that God sent me. I want to tell her everything but how can I if my voice doesnt want to work. To lose her because she doesnt love me I can live with but to lose her because I never told her I cannot live with. What should I do oh! I know I should write her a letter and tell her everything I want to say).