Where Is My Mind?

by Kenny Flores Jr

4:00 A.M

The time when he glances over at the clock. He thinks to himself 30 minutes? If I can't sleep now, I'm not gonna to at all. He knows he's just lying to himself but he doesn't want to keep laying in the dark. He reaches over to his phone on a stool next to his bed, nearly knocking over a bottle of pills. One new message. He feels confused as shocked because no one bothers to even send him a game invite through Facebook these days. He sees who it's from. Her. He takes a deep breathe. He doesn't know what to expect but he's predicting the worst. He reaches for his earbuds. Music has always been a comfort. A couple taps and he's eventually focusing to the strums of the guitar on the song Where is my Mind by the Pixies. Ok, he thinks. Let's just see what she has to say. Maybe she's just as miserable as I am and is looking for someone to talk to. He opens the message. Kinda was expecting less. He thinks to himself. The message reads "Hey! It's me. Making sure you're alive :)." Smiley face? Amusing. He thinks. The messege continues "Been awhile, hasn't it? How have you been? I heard you didn't make it to college and you've been working at Cub as a cashier. Not bad for a 20 year old :). I've been pretty good. I ended up going to Michigan state! Following my dreams like you told me to trying to become a teacher. I got a new boyfriend too! His name his name is Tom, he is such a great guy! He is the starting quarterback here at MSU and he is one of the best players in the country and he's probably gonna make it to the NFL. I also have a steady job at star bucks, lol yeah I know the white girl's dream job. It's been pretty good tho, free coffee and making new friends :D. Anyways, just checking on ya. And don't forget, if you need anyone to talk to. I'm always here, I'll always be. Message me back ASAP so maybe we can catch up more formally :). I'll talk to you later."

Two things are on his mind. What is her deal with emojis. and Why did she send this. Was that just to make me feel worse about my self? If it was, it worked. Does she not remember how it all ended? Does she still care about me? No. His pacing slows down. He stops thinking. He screams "FUCK YOU!" in his empty apartment. He's wide awake. Raging with emotions. He gets up and punches the wall. It goes clear through. It reveals bugs and a bunch of darkness. Heavy breathes. He glances around the room. The pill bottle catches his eye. He can't take it anymore. The sleepless nights. The heavy reliance on drugs and alcohol. He's all out of sick days at work. The music doesn't help anymore. He lost his only friend. His family doesn't speak to him. He has no one. He can't take it. He carfully grabs the bottle and examines it. "2-4?" He walks to the living room. He grabs a notebook and a pen and walks to his bed. Right before he lays back down, he pours the bottle of pills in his mouth. and then neatly puts the note on his stool and writes "Could've swore it said 24 :)"

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