She

by Sonia Cheug

She

She sits in the terminal with her flight bag by her

side . Her walkman on and is staring at the window ,

watching the empty run way . She looks around her .

People sitting down waiting to board the same flight

and looks to the other end of the terminal . She knows

it is now the end and is desperately trying to stay

strong and positive . She is alone in her thoughts and

memories . She wants to get on the plain right away

and leave the country , the dreaded way he treated her

left behind her . A huge part of her is hurting so

much and longs for him to come running in and begging

her not to go .

Isn't it funny how with so many people around she can

feel totally alone in the crowd . She wants him to see

how much she is suffering . She is stuck between 1 fat

middle age Scandinavian couple throughout the 9 hour

and doesn't sleep .

She cant wait to get home and see her mother , Tired

and jet lagged she sees her at the arrivals and with

her head down , and her hat on to cover her sad eyes

and try keep it together . She gives her a huge hug

and pours out her tears of grieving , hurt and

confusion .

She spends the whole day shattered and crying and not

wanting to face her future or people . She talks to

her friend and sits on the table in the kitchen

endlessly crying and repeating the experience over and

over again in her mind .

Time passes fast . When she is lonely her memories of

him comes back , from time to time . She cant bare to

go through that pain again and as fast as she gets

together with someone she ends it . She runs away from

her problems by going for jobs in different countries

and it catches up with her a few years later . Leaving

her foreign countries feeling lost and at times alone

again . Surrounded by people she is trying to figure

out why she cant have that simple happiness and

satisfaction of the things everyone else wants . A 9

to 5 job routine . A set career , a family or

boyfriend /husband to go back to and share the rest of

that evening with . That alone wouldn't make her feel

complete and whole as a person .

There was another boyfriend a year later she was

amazed by ,but it was to be a short romance . He

played the piano before they went to sleep and she

would lie on the bed , with her eyes closed , peace

full and she loves to wake up next to

him . The first night they talked and fell asleep and

she woke up on her right side with him behind her

sleeping and his arms wrapped around her waist and

holding onto her .

She misses someone so much . A special person she

longs for , to talk to in the dark and lie side by

side , To kiss her and make her feel beautiful . The

closeness most of all . She has grieved more than the

person involved . I think she wonders if she will ever

find someone who will understand her mind and how she

thinks . To be appreciated .

I miss him so much , who ever it is ? I don't know ,

Maybe its someone she left behind her in her past or

someone she thinks she will never find .

The scariest thing is wondering what has happened to

them?, the exes?, the friends she made,? Who are they

with ? what are they doing now ? are they happy ? do

they still think about her from time to time ? are

they sorry they lost you ? What she would and could

have said or done differently to have prevented the

things that happened ? do they miss you ? or if they

ever cared ? Did her and their meeting make an impact

on their lives ? and how they became who they are ?

The end .

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