She sits in the terminal with her flight bag by her
side . Her walkman on and is staring at the window ,
watching the empty run way . She looks around her .
People sitting down waiting to board the same flight
and looks to the other end of the terminal . She knows
it is now the end and is desperately trying to stay
strong and positive . She is alone in her thoughts and
memories . She wants to get on the plain right away
and leave the country , the dreaded way he treated her
left behind her . A huge part of her is hurting so
much and longs for him to come running in and begging
her not to go .
Isn't it funny how with so many people around she can
feel totally alone in the crowd . She wants him to see
how much she is suffering . She is stuck between 1 fat
middle age Scandinavian couple throughout the 9 hour
and doesn't sleep .
She cant wait to get home and see her mother , Tired
and jet lagged she sees her at the arrivals and with
her head down , and her hat on to cover her sad eyes
and try keep it together . She gives her a huge hug
and pours out her tears of grieving , hurt and
She spends the whole day shattered and crying and not
wanting to face her future or people . She talks to
her friend and sits on the table in the kitchen
endlessly crying and repeating the experience over and
over again in her mind .
Time passes fast . When she is lonely her memories of
him comes back , from time to time . She cant bare to
go through that pain again and as fast as she gets
together with someone she ends it . She runs away from
her problems by going for jobs in different countries
and it catches up with her a few years later . Leaving
her foreign countries feeling lost and at times alone
again . Surrounded by people she is trying to figure
out why she cant have that simple happiness and
satisfaction of the things everyone else wants . A 9
to 5 job routine . A set career , a family or
boyfriend /husband to go back to and share the rest of
that evening with . That alone wouldn't make her feel
complete and whole as a person .
There was another boyfriend a year later she was
amazed by ,but it was to be a short romance . He
played the piano before they went to sleep and she
would lie on the bed , with her eyes closed , peace
full and she loves to wake up next to
him . The first night they talked and fell asleep and
she woke up on her right side with him behind her
sleeping and his arms wrapped around her waist and
holding onto her .
She misses someone so much . A special person she
longs for , to talk to in the dark and lie side by
side , To kiss her and make her feel beautiful . The
closeness most of all . She has grieved more than the
person involved . I think she wonders if she will ever
find someone who will understand her mind and how she
thinks . To be appreciated .
I miss him so much , who ever it is ? I don't know ,
Maybe its someone she left behind her in her past or
someone she thinks she will never find .
The scariest thing is wondering what has happened to
them?, the exes?, the friends she made,? Who are they
with ? what are they doing now ? are they happy ? do
they still think about her from time to time ? are
they sorry they lost you ? What she would and could
have said or done differently to have prevented the
things that happened ? do they miss you ? or if they
ever cared ? Did her and their meeting make an impact
on their lives ? and how they became who they are ?
The end .