Confessions of a Psychopath

by Lydia Marie Hughes

Nothing but padded walls, Im sick of the colour white! Shut up it's your fault we're in here no matter what I do you always land me in trouble. I start doing well for myself and you bring me back here! If you had just ate the dinner they had given you and not kicked up about the vegetables being on the plate, then we could have still been in our own room, instead we're locked in the padded room with this awful itchy white jacket that God knows who has worn before and it smells like last year's egg salad has been given a new lease of life, unlike us!

                                                   Two weeks earlier...

When you come from a small town and move to a bigger town you think this is a new start. So far Ive had eighteen new starts and I always mean it when I say it won't be like last time but it always ends up being worse than last time! Im always left with the blood on my hands as she walks away from it with not a care in the world but yet I have to watch over my shoulder because it's always my finger prints on the bodies! Who is she, I hear you say? She is me, my inner person or devil you might put it as. I know crazy it may seem or crazy you may call me. But this is my version of the truth. Its what I call, Confessions of a psychopath!

It all started in 1991. I had just graduated from school. Unlike my class mates I wasn't going to university, lets face it I couldn't afford to. I lived in a small trailer park with my Mom Hilda and my stepdad Ray. I had been working in a small cafe for the last year part time. It was my only way to get some peace in the evenings and out of the trailer, away from Ray. Mom had met Ray a few years back on a night out.

Of course at the start everything was great, Ray was working at an oil yard and Mom was picking up a few shifts at the ho-down, our local strip club doing waitressing, it wasn't the ideal job but it kept us going, until Ray lost his job! He started spending more and more time at our place until eventually he had moved himself in. That's when the fights started happening. I would arrive home from school and the trailer would smell of musky old whiskey and the stench of stale cigarettes. Ray wouldn't be in sight but Mom would be in the bathroom covering a new bruise or a fresh cut on her face before she had to work the night shift. This was an ongoing thing that happened now and we were just barely paying bills let alone having anything to eat.

As Mom was covering the new facial bruise that was starting to appear, I could feel my blood boiling, watching her cover every inch of bruises with her eyes full of water and just a single tear dropping down her cheek. She would turn to me and say It will get better chicken, now lock your room when I leave for work". As much as my Mom stuck it she couldn't bear to see Ray hit me and many times stood in front of me as he went to hit me with his belt just for answering him back when he demanded money off my Mom.

It was 11:30 and Mom had been gone an hour n a half. It was a chilly evening and the fog was just setting above the ground. Working on my math homework I heard him.The drunken slurs of a man with no remorse for what he'd done, cursing as he dragged his feet along the pebbles and dusty roads outside the trailer park. I quickly jumped from my bed remembering I had forgotten to lock my door, with all my strength pushing my chest of drawers against the door knowing a drunken angry Ray wasn't finished with his beatings for the night, hearing a smashing sound hit off the side of the trailer where he had thrown his bottle. I hid, knowing he would get into my room. Praying that he would pass out before my Mom arrived home in the early hours of the morning. Hiding in my room terrified, I hear him open the trailer door, swinging it will full force as he enters shouting and cursing as his words all slur out of him " FUCKING BITCH" I could hear the anger in his voice!

As the footsteps walk around the trailer trashing everything in his path, it got so quiet you could hear a pin drop. In that second I knew what would happen next, I got up and ran for my window, opening it as quickly as I could, putting one leg out first on to a box beneath my window and then the other leg. Sliding my body out the window I hear my door handle being pressed on, followed by furious thumping on the door " OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR", as the thumping and banging continued I slid the window down and slowly got down on the box so he wouldn't hear me.

Sitting on the box taking a minute to breath I heard a crashing sound where Ray was trying to break the door down. Not wanting to be on the receiving end on the off chance he did manage to break the door down and push the chest of drawers out of the way I ran! Running down along side the trailer and hearing my heart beating so loud I tripped on empty cans around the front of the trailer making a racket outside. Watching as the trailer shook and trying to ignore the now throbbing pain in my ankle, I see Ray with the trailer door wide open and the look of evil in his eyes, almost like the man had no soul, just a pure dead look. I grabbed the ground with both my hands trying to hold on to something that would help me get back on my feet, just as Im about to get up with one leg still just on the ground I hear him shout in the most petrifying voice " GET BACK HERE" a now really pissed off Ray is after me. I just manage to get to my feet as I hear a whip, as Im staggering to run on my twisted ankle, the outside of my thigh is now killing me, I look down and the mark of his belt where he hit me is red raw!

I stumble and Im on the ground my ankle is throbbing, my thigh is in agony my heart is pounding so fast I can't hear myself think! I'm crying and screaming, I don't want to be here, I need help! But nobody came to help because living in the trailer park we hadn't got to know anyone because we didn't want to burden them with Ray. I look above me and all I can see is darkness and evil that sent a chill through me! His eyes are dark and cold, his breathing is fast and heated like he's after running a marathon. (SLAP) his leather buckled belt hits me again. I cover my head to try and save it getting hit. One smack of the belt after another and Im sobbing, the stings of the belt hitting my flesh followed by a kick of his boot paralyse me with fear and pain. Im praying for someone to come out and help someone to hear my screams but nothing, not a soul in sight to be seen or to help.

The last thing I remember is the lingering smell of whiskey and his cold breath at my ear, it sends shivers down my spine as I hear him say, I dare you to move" as I fade away into darkness.

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