Long Beach Bombers

by Stephen Anthony

Long Beach Bombers

Sally was walking home from church one Sunday minding her own business when suddenly she was viciously attacked by two nasty seagulls. The two birds disliked humans and made pooping on unsuspecting pedestrians a part of their daily routine, except this time, for reasons forthcoming, they would have to be resourceful and employ unusual tactics. (Earlier in the day Bill, the bigger of the two birds, had devoured half of a large pizza someone had haphazardly tossed into a metal trash can. After Bill finished off the last morsel of crust he knew he was in for a tough time with his bowel movements. Way too much cheese, he thought. John, the other seagull, hadnt felt like eating a thing the entire day thanks to some spoiled hamburger meat he called dinner the previous night. Both birds were unable to poop but that didnt stop them from hovering high above Sally with the intent to complete their mission.)

Theres one, Bill said. Its a bible thumper!

I see her, John replied.

Do you have the ammo?

Im way ahead of you Bill.

Then let her have it!

The two nasty seagulls began their assault on poor little Sally and didnt stop until they had dropped all ten of their copies of Penthouse Magazine from the sky.

That outta do it, Bill told John with a sense of satisfaction.

Yeah, John replied. But what are we gonna do about the girlie magazines? We tossed all of them on that girls head

Do what I do when Im stuck without inspirationmasturbate from memory.

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