The Incredible Invasion of Earth (Past Tense)

by Thomas Edward

The Incredible Invasion of Earth (Past Tense)

The full moons glow delivered beams of light throughout the rolling hills and farmlands. The tranquil and quiet night allowed all creatures, big and small to rest comfortably. The picturesque view of the heartland remained undisturbed, biding its time until the new day dawned and the sleepy world began its daily rituals.

Thousands of tiny stars twinkled in the vast dark that colored the night sky. Although they were a constant companion to the moon, the stars never seemed to vary much from their nightly course from horizon to horizon. But when the usual celestial dance appeared to sway back and forth for one more song, a small point of light slowly began to grow brighter. Moments passed, and the flickering glow intensified. The moons lonely presence gained company as the ball of light challenged it for space to occupy. Soon it became apparent that this light display was special and alive. It started a deliberate circling motion, as if it tried to find a comfortable place to land. As the light finally arrived to greet a lowly farm and its inhabitants, its true identity was revealed.

A disk shaped saucer that harkened back to the movies from decades gone by hovered above the ground. With a whooshing sound, three metal legs extended from its belly. Once they had reached their limit, the wayward spacecraft began its decent, landing on earth. The whirring noise from the extraterrestrial craft soon gave way to an eerie quiet.

Suddenly, the silence was broken by a clank and the sound of gears turning. A platform slowly lowered from the underside of the fuselage. A piercing light illuminated three humanoid images inside. Eventually, the ramp touched down, signaling the largest of them to venture out. His three legs shuffled about as he descended the ramp. Stopping halfway, his row of multiple eyes darted about. His three long, funnel shaped ears swayed, collecting every sound of this world. Noticing that he was alone on the ramp, he turned back. Blok! The two hapless minions slowly began to creep along, shaking from fear. They were not paying attention and ran into the confident leader, who had stopped. He turned around, scolding them for their insubordination. Blok!

They stumbled back, apologizing, Gerp. Durp.

Unhappy with them, but undeterred, the larger alien turned to view the barnyard and the strange surroundings that engulfed it. But while basking in the silence, an unusual noise startled him. He drew his blaster and fired aggressively. The blast ripped through the blades of a rickety windmill, sending hundreds of tiny shards in all directions. The dissipating smoke gave him satisfaction, and he chuckled favorably, Blok, blok.

Before he reveled in the glory of his manly accomplishment, another unusual noise rang out loud, Nay!

The two minions jumped behind their leader, frightened once again. Gerp! Durp! The towering alien in charge swung his arm around, pointing his weapon carelessly. He held his trigger finger this time, not wanting to haplessly cause another loud commotion. Looking down the end of his blaster with his multiple eyes, he saw an odd life form standing precariously behind a wooden fence. It happened to be a goat.

With a sly look, he turned with a swagger and noticed his two pitiful followers, shaking uncontrollably. Using his skinny finger to command them, he pointed down the ramp. Blok! Both diminutive aliens looked up reluctantly, only to receive a scrawny pointing finger. They took small, hesitant footsteps, easing their way down. Gradually, they approached the ground. Now close enough, their reluctance held them back. The green grass presented a new challenge, one that was met harshly. Blok!

The smallest alien was unknowingly shoved by his partner to be the guinea pig. To his amazement, the touch of the grass was inviting, not deadly. A smile, as big as a galaxy, occupied his face. He casually strolled around until something perplexing stopped his progress. A colorful, spherical object resembling a miniature planet sat at his feet. An inquisitive look gave way to curiosity. He bent over, extending his finger. A moment of hesitation ended, and he touched it. With a quick jerk, his hand was pulled back to his chest. His eyes were closed tightly. Slowly, one by one, each eye opened. To his surprise, the world had not ended. A gleeful look around was followed by an adventurous reach down, and he grabbed the ball firmly with both hands. A few playful tosses in the air added reassurance, and he quickly looked to test this new toy. Raising his hands high over his head as if to display a trophy, the small alien bounced the ball hard on the ground. A return trajectory slammed the rubber ball into his face. A shocked and hurt look washed over his face. Durp! He scampered back as fast as his three legs will allow him, hiding behind the towering leaders legs, continuing to shake uncontrollably.

Disgusted by the lack of guts of the terrified extraterrestrial, the confident alien pushed the little one away, making his way down the ramp mumbling. Blok, blok, blok. With a determined march, he headed toward the offending object, gun pointed directly at it. Stopping and standing over the top of the ball, he waited for a response that never comes. Agitated, he showed his contempt by nudging it with his front foot. The helpless ball rolled forward. As it stopped, having caused no harm, the angered alien glanced back with a disapproving stare. Both of the minions looked about, trying not to make eye contact. The emboldened alien turned back, advancing toward the motionless toy. In one fluid motion, he kicked it as hard as possible. As it flew off into the barnyard, he turned back with a smug look. Before he could utter any insults, the ball returned, having bounced off a tree and hitting him in the head. Stunned and off balance, he twirled around, spinning out of control.

Nay! A mocking from the goat could be heard, as well as concern and shock from the minions. Gerp. Durp.

The rubber ball settled into a comfortable spot. Once the staggered aliens wits were restored and seeing the ball taunting him, he drew his blaster and fired a single blast. An enormous explosion sent dirt and smoke into the sky. Holding his gun steady, still aimed at the same spot, he saw the cloud of debris dissipate. A vacant crater gave satisfaction enough to lower the firearm. With an arrogant smile and turning around to boast, he began to open his mouth, but received a surprise. The ball made a return, falling hard and landing on his head. The resulting contact once again sent the brutish alien into a downward, staggering spiral, resulting in him falling on his extraterrestrial derriere.

The two minions gasped, while the goat gives a taunting, Nay!

Feeling embarrassed, and with a highly bruised ego, the once formidable alien collected his thoughts and stood back up. As he dusted himself off, his followers rushed over to lend a helping hand. They fumbled around, causing more damage than help. The angered leader shooed them away, Blok! Blok! As he tried to regain some measure of control, a familiar sound became nails on a chalkboard. Nay!

Wanting payback, but somewhat reluctant, the enraged alien pushed away his followers and searched frantically. His hunt ended with the discovery of the ball, perched atop an old teeter-totter. It sat, resting on the worn seat, supported by the handlebars. Hoping to extract a little vengeance, the upset leader cautiously marched toward the structure, but stopped once he was near.

Unsure of what the result might have been from a head on confrontation, he motioned to his minions to fall in. Still trembling, they shook their heads. Blok. Losing his patience with them, he barked angrily for them to join him. They scuttled along, reluctantly arriving and bumping into their distracted leader. He whipped around, looking to bash them on the head. Before he could, his thoughts returned to his antagonist. Standing at the foot of the teeter-totter, his route to the ball was one he was not willing to go on his own. He pointed, directing his minions. They looked at each other, apprehensive to advance further. Blok! Both turned to see the frightening alien standing over them. With a blaster pointed their way, they moved to the edge and slowly climbed on. They pushed each other, back and forth, hoping not to be the closest one. In the end, the smallest alien lost the struggle. Hesitant, he led the way, one tiny step at a time. Once to the middle, a single step on the other side caused the teeter-totter to jostle slightly. He quickly moved back, trembling. Both frightened aliens looked to exit the structure, only to be met with a blaster once again. Forcing them back to the edge, all three stepped on and slowly began to climb. The brooding leader stopped prematurely, allowing the others to continue. Once they reached the halfway point, the littlest alien stopped, causing his comrade to bump into him. They hesitated, neither wanting to move. Annoyed, their agitated leader pointed his scrawny finger, signaling for them to move forward. They shook their heads vigorously. A taunt from the goat was heard, poking at the angered extraterrestrial, so he pointed his ray gun at his scared minions to make his point. Feeling no other option, the frightened aliens turned to advance when the teeter-totter dipped slightly. They shuffled back to the safe side.

The angered leader marched up to them Blok! He kicked them, sending them far enough to the other side that their weight caused a quick drop. As they joined the ball in a descent, the once emboldened alien was rocketed into the air, screaming like girl. He fired a random blast before landing on the ground. Shaking the cobwebs away, he stood up unaware of his location. Before he could think, a charging goat landed a perfectly placed head butt to the posterior. BLOK! Ejected from the goats pen, the surprised alien soared in the air, landing with a thud. His terrified followers stopped following and began to back pedal.

Looking up from his grounded position, the battered alien heard a familiar taunt, Nay! Quick to stand up and show the annoying creature his superiority, he was oblivious to the position of the ball and stepped on it. As he fell backward, a single shot was fired carelessly. Once on his posterior, the perplexed alien glanced up to the pen, only to see smoke coming from the disintegrated fence. Suddenly, the goat emerged, charging from the smoke with its head down. A surprised look on the face of all three had them scrambling and falling over each other. Blok! Gerp! Durp! A frantic race to the ramp was followed by a quick close of the door. The ramp retracted, and the saucer climbed quickly into the night sky. Within seconds, they vanished into the heavens, faster than they had arrived.

The formidable goat finished watching their departure. Content to have the farm return its sleepy state of rest, he head butted the ball, innocently playing with his accomplice.

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