Getting Along

by Reid Laurence

"So... them homersexials gonna get married now, er what?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"You know the ones. They was jes talk'in 'bout 'em on the radio. Them ones in Massachusetts."

"I don't know Reid, what if they do get married? Is that going to hurt you in any way? Will it even have the slightest impact on your life? Can't you just drive me to work, we've been all through this before."

"Ah know, ah know. But it's the sanctity a marriage what's at stake here. Course it ain't gonna hurt me in perticuler. Hey, ya know what this all reminds me of?"

"No... what? I'm dying to know."

"What the preseedent said 'bout 'once, shame on me. Twice, shame on me'. Er was it 'twice shame on me, one time... shame on you twice?' Oh, ah don't know now, but anyway, you kin see mah point can'tcha?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Could you please just stop crawling along in traffic, I'm gonna to be late."

"It's God hiself ah'm talk'in 'bout woman. God don't want no homos gett'in it on tagether!"

"He is not a hateful God, Reid. If you really want to know what I think, I think He just wants us all to get along, be productive and do whatever we can as individuals to improve living conditions for everyone around the world."

"Ya still don't see mah point, do ya? Lemmie give ya an example. You know that goat ah'm fix'in ta buy ta keep the grass short?"

"Yes Reid, we talked about it. You're too damn lazy to mow the lawn so you thought you could get out of it if you bought a goat. Yes, I recall you mentioning it."

"Well naw, what's ta keep me from up an marry'in her? If them homersexials kin do it, why can't I?"

"You are sick, you know that? What on earth made you think of that?"

"Well, fer one thing, if God don't care 'bout the homos, why would He care 'bout me an Gerta? It's the same thing, don'tcha see?"

"No Reid, I just don't see your point. For one thing, same sex marriages take place between people, not farm animals. What you're talking about is bestiality, not marriage."

"No ah ain't, ah'm talkin 'bout animal husbandry. Now... it's a scientific fact that ah could be a husband ta old Gerta the goat cause science got it all classified down. So if all you people who don't believe in God gonna stand there an let the homos get married, then why can't I marry Gerta. Bah the way, she is kinda sexy look'in naw that ah think 'bout it."

"I swear Reid, sometimes I can't believe what I married. Thank God I'm here at work now and I don't have to carry on this conversation anymore."

"Well, you do yerself a favor naw Mary an think over what ah been say'in. Ah bet after a while, you'll be see'in things mah way after all's said an done."

"Maybe... if someone put a gun to my head, I would. In the meantime," said Mary, as she opened the door of the old pick-up truck to get to her office. "I think I hear Gerta calling you. Why don't you two go on a picnic or something? You know, break the ice, try to get to know each other."

"That's a mighty fine idea Mary, ah think ah jes might do that. Ah bet she's fond a carrots."

"Go for it."

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