The Big Apple

by Michel Bessy

That morning,I was still sitting at the breakfast table sipping a cup of strong black coffee when my cellphone started ringing.It was 8.15am and I wondered who could give me a buzz so early on a Sunday morning......I pushed a key and heard the earthy voice of my friend SERGE. "I hope i didn t get you out of bed" He said.."That s OK" I answered."What good wind brings you here?How come you get up with the chickens?..You didn t go clubbing last night?..How many pints did you knock back?....." My dear MICHEL,your memory is really acting up!.I ve been telling you time and time again that I don t drink anymore! Actually,i havent drunk alcohol for 3 years now and you pretend not to know!.You re taking the mickey out of me".."Don t get on your high horse.You have my humble apologies! Now,let s get to the nitty gritty!..Last time you looked me up,you almost drove me mad with that silly story...Paul Schmitt!"......"Don t tell me you didn t like it...You were in stitches!"..."Hey,wait a minute!" I retorted"Apparently,i m not the only one with a bad memory!Do i have to remind you that you blew the punch line and that instead of saying that Paul SCHMITT appeared on the balcony next to the pope,you said Paul SCHMITT appeared on the pope next to the bacony!....Indeed,that was hilarious all the more as you had been filling out the story taking at least two solid hours to narrate it and to cap it all,you had the cheek to announce in a stentorious voice.."doesn t matter,folks,I ll start all over again"!........." granted!..I messed it up!"He admitted..... "Come on,spit it out .I m pretty sure you came round to tell me a new joke.I m willing to listen to it provided it s a short one!" "Don t worry" He replied "I ll make it as short as possible..........It s called the big apple"....."I suppose it has something to do with NEW YORK?" I chimed in........."Just listen.....One day Robin HOOD was hunting wild boar in SHERWOOD FOREST and came across william TELL who was picking mushrooms.It seemed that the boars had deserted the forest and that mushrooms were scarcer than gold nuggets as both of them were about to go back home emty handed much to the delight of their respective wives who were fed up with cooking the same fare day in day out!......... They were resting in a clearing,not far from a small village when Robin,to kill time,challenged William to an archery contest.Soon,word of the challenge spread about and two hours later a crowd was massing.......A girl was asked to stand motionless twenty yards from them with a big apple on her head..........Robin HOOD bent his bow and shot an arrow that split the apple in two.....Then with a swagger,he turned to the crowd,thumped his chest and shouted at the top of his voice:"I M ROBIN HOOD".....Then ,William TELL,unperturbed,bent his bow and the arrow neatly split the apple in two!....It sent the crowd in a frenzy.William raised his arms high above his head,stuck out his chest and shouted at the top of his voice:"I M WILLIAM TELL"............................................Suddenly a skinny little man,joined the two champions and asked permission to take part in the contest.He asked Robin HOOD if he could use his bow".No problem" Robin answered................He picked up the bow,bent it with surprising ease and the arrow hit the poor girl bang in the middle of her brow.She fell stone dead to the ground.An eerie silence envelopped the scene.The little man took a few steps forward and shouted at the top of his voice...."I M SORRY".

Rate this submission


You must be logged in to rate submissions