Rock and Roll Out of Bed in the Early Morning Can Be Tough

by Brian Garber

The 1970s Heavy-Metal Supergroup known as Hate Your Parents has always been known for their wild antics. For example, one time in January of 1974 they fed a groupie to a white lion, later in the year, around June, they fed that same White Lion to a giraffe. Now giraffes are commonly known as not to eat meat, so the three person band had to create a sort of White Lion slushee. As the years moved along and the groups popularity began to fade the three members, Chaz, Trazz, and Spazzz thought they should go in a different direction. Chaz, whose real name is Charles Nolife, suggested they turn to, Folk Jazz New-Alternative Funk Country with a mix of Hip-Hop and RB. Trazz, whose real name is Trevor Wallacemonsteinbergilli suggested, How about we quit music altogether and open a fresh fish market in Nigeria? Spazzz, whose real name is Spaz said, How about we become superheroes? They all agreed, and since their usage of spandex in the 80s looked strange enough they decided they were in possession of the right costumes. After months of these washed up rockers battling shoplifters, bank robbers, and green garden snakes they decided that they needed a super villain team to battle. After watching cartoons, Spazzz told the group they need to attack kangaroos everywhere because they might have concealed weapons in their pouches. Hours later at the local zoo, the police arrive to find the 70s supergroup in a pen with fifty-six either knocked out cold or dead kangaroos. The band is immediately placed in jail for the rest of their miserable lives. In the end, this story proves that if the world needs heroes they have firemen to turn to and not washed up rock bands.

            The moral of this story does reflect that going to jail for the rest of their lives is probably a better career move then releasing any more albums or God forbid solo albums.

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