Spitting on the Floor Can Be Hazardous to Everyone's Health in the Room

by Brian Garber

Spitting on the Floor can be Hazardous to Everyones Health in the Room

            While studying in a college outside of the Australian outback student Eddie Gomez was learning the ways of the Force no not from the popular science fiction movies, something far more dangerous: the Force is what many people call sandpaper. It is as it is versatile. Eddie was minding his own business when he was suddenly confronted by a three legged cheetah named Lt. Dan. The cheetah states, What are you doing in my backyard? in his famous French accent. Eddie replies, How is this your backyard, who do you think you are God? Even better Lt. Dan counters. I am the mayor of Wyoming. Realizing this made more sense than anything Eddie had heard before he takes the first flight out of Australia. Realizing there are no passengers, besides him, or airline crew for that matter including a pilot Eddie begins to think about where the plane may land. The plane lands twelve hours later on the frozen Hoth-like Antarctica where Eddie Gomez has lived for the past seventeen years, twelve months, and fifty-six days. Since the plane landed safely Eddie decided to devote the rest of his life devoted to Lt. Dan.

            A few years later, or should I say eight years and fifty-seven days after their initial encounter as Eddie was keeping track the three-legged cheetah pays Eddie a visit. When Lt. Dan pulls up to Eddies farm, in his 1962 Vickers VA-3 hovercraft he is tending to his deerelkmoose, which is like a combination of the three animals. Lt. Dan says with a twinkle in his eye and a sly grin on his face, you should not have trusted me. As the cheetah bumps Eddie with his hovercraft and he flies ten feet away and he lands on a birdseed landmine that instantly kills him from birdseed inhalation. Lt. Dan presses the red button on the control console on the hovercraft which launches him into the night laughing as he leaves Antarctica. The moral of this story is if you ever meet a three legged animal that talks to you, you might need help from someone, but maybe just maybe the Salvation Army can defend you, because as it is common knowledge that is what they do with the money given to the volunteer Santa in front of your local shopping mall.

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