I see you yet I don't. You fly, you disappear into thin air whenever you want, your voice is heard but only by the wanted and the given. You say that you and I are the same. But we are nothing alike. What are you? But more importantly, what am I? That is a question I one day hope to find the answer to... To be more truthful, that is a secret I one day hope to tell.
I can't believe it's been a year since you left me. But as you use to say, 'Time only flies when your having fun.'
I took the locket out from under my pillow and read the engraved message like I do every night:Ren and Calla. Always forever.
I held the locket to my heart and whispered, "I miss you."
"I miss you too" I heard someone say from behind me. Without turning around, I knew it was you. "Hello sister."
"Ren!" I screamed happily as I turned around. I stared at you for a long while. Taking every bit of you in, looking at you from top to bottom. "I haven't seen you for over a week now." I said calmly knowing you could hear the anger in my voice. You have came to visit me every week since you've died. I still remember the first time I saw after you the accident, you were dressed in your favorite ripped jeans and a Nike's t-shirt. Wearing a smile only you can pull off. Your ocean blue eyes looking down at me, I swear at the time, I thought you could see right through me, right to my soul.
"Sorry, sis. But when you're dead you can do all the things in the world and I have a never-ending list of things to do for the never-ending time I have. Join me and you'll see, Calla." You lowered your voice for the last part.
"Ren, how..." I started but a voice from below stopped me mid-sentence.
"Yes?" I called. No response.
"Cal? Where are you sweetie?" someone called again, when I looked around, I saw Ren disappear into thin air like the ghost that I knew he was. After whispering a silent good-bye to my dead ghostly brother, I walked down the stairs towards Candice, a middle-aged woman who had been taking care of me ever since the night the fire that killed my parents... and Ren.
"Candice? Is everything alright?" I asked as I scanned the room full of unfamiliar people. "Why are there so many people here?"
"I'm sorry, darling?" She said raising an eye-brown. "It's only me and you here. Are you okay? Do you feel sick or anything?" She suddenly so panicked, as if I've had this problem my whole life.
"Ummm, I'm fine... It's just... I thought... You know what, I think I'm just tired."
"Make sure you drink so water then sweetie. I just want spring to come, I don't think I can take another one of those winter days!"
"You and I both, Candice." I said then burst out laughing for no reason.
"Oh, I just wanted you to know that I'm heading to the market. Do you want to come?" She asked as my laughter died down.
"It's fine, I'm just going to get a cup of water and go back to my room." I mumbled sneaking peeks at the crowded living room.
"That's fine. See you in a bit then."
"Okay, be back soon." I said, waving her goodbye as she walked towards the door.
When I turned around to face the living room. I was surprised that Candice could miss it. There were so many people, so many pairs of eyes on me. When I looked into a beautiful green pair of eyes, I saw it. I saw everything. I saw the car crash, I felt the pain as she drew her last breathe in. I felt her heart stop beating and her chest stop moving. I saw Death take away her life... unfairly. Though I only held her eyes for a few second, it felt like I knew her all my life.
"Cassie." I whispered. Cassie. Her name was Cassie. I looked away having no idea how I knew all that within seconds. When my eyes finally met another pair of eyes. I saw a different life story. I heard the arguments she was forced to listen to every night. I felt the pain as her parents took out their anger for each other on her. I saw her cry herself to sleep every night. I could only wish I had the same amount of bravery that she had when she drove that knife through her heart, and there Death was again. Stealing the most beautiful thing we own. Our life. 'Valerie,' she smiled at me as I said her name silently.
One look, and that was it. I could see their entire life story and feel the pain that was once theirs. How? Why?
"Stop! Enough! This is enough!" I cried falling to the ground after feeling more people's pain and seeing more people's stories. Being forced to watch Death take away more and more lives. "Stop..." I cried one last time before tucking my legs under my chin and hugging it tightly as the pain continue to strike over and over again.
November... December... January...
Winter is finally over... there hasn't been a day that had gone by without my eyes meeting tears. Each and everyday, I feel and see a new life story, every one of them ending with Death. Candice will ask me how I was everyday, but the truth is: when people ask 'How are you?' They don't really want an answer. They want to hear what's familiar to them, which is, 'I'm fine,' or 'Good.' They don't really want the true answer. Every time I see Candice, I would want to tell her everything. Tell her about all the stories. Ask her why and how it was happening... But she won't have any answers to my question. No one will. Ren haven't came since the night this all started. I miss him. I just wish I could see him... maybe he will have some answers. But right now, this is something I have to do alone. It hurts. Everywhere. But there is nothing I can do about it... I need to keep the pain to myself... like a secret.
March... April... May...
Time passes. Even when each passing moment hurts more then the previous. It does, even when it seems impossible... As Jonny Depp had once said: "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel." I didn't use to get it. Everything just seemed so perfect when mom, dad and Ren were alive. Life was so easily then. Why can't everything be like it was then? I wish we could shut out our humanity. Life would be some much easier then...
"Calla..." I heard someone say. "All you have to do is let go this can all this will be over."
"Ren?" My voice was so rusty I barely recognized it myself.
"Just let go, come with me. Join me in... death..." He whispered the last word. How could he ask that?
"You know I can't do that..."
"Why? Why not? I know what you are going through. You feel the pain. You see the stories and you feel helpless. Haven't you realized that every story you've heard was a story that didn't end properly? Like mine. Each and every one of the people you've seen is waiting for someone to come and complete their story with them. Like me, waiting for you. All you have to do is come. All this will be over. For both of us."
"No, I can't do that! You know it!"
"No. I don't. Tell me."
"Don't you see it!? I'm human! I'm alive! You're a ghost and you're dead! I can't just leave without finishing my story! How can I finish your story if I don't finish mine!" I screamed with anger. Tears racing down my burning face. I shut my eyes tightly wishing I could shut out everything. When I opened my eyes again. Ren was disappearing... waving with an understanding smile on his face.
"I do. I get it. Thank you, Cal. You finally faced the truth... you've just set me free, you've just set yourself free from the past. You need to move on. You can't mourn the life you could have gotten. It won't change the future; it will only keep you from moving forward. I love you, Cal. I'll see you again... I promise." With that, he was gone.
Standing in my room, alone. Now it's only me. All the voice, all the pain was gone. I was alone.
"I'm alive..." I whispered at the engraved locket.
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