My life began rather suddenly. An unexpected event unfolded quickly and it ultimately led me to the greatest love I would ever know.
Eons before my impetuous journey, the other souls around me, sought to describe the beauty and miracle of the course I would one day embark upon. Their images soothed me and encouraged my curiosity. Little did I know the descriptions they offered lacked, leaving me with a false sense of security. What subsequently befell me, I was far from prepared for.
My lucid memories are filled with soothing sound and encouraging advice. I remember being told to be myself, a living being and to maintain my innocence for as long as possible. Do this, they notioned, and I would be loved without condition by not only one human heart but two. This sounded exhilarating. The initial excitement was soon replaced by a bit of hesitation and fright on my part. The concept of unconditional love seemed an impossibility! How could something or someone love me, a bit of their own flesh but a stranger none the less, in such a fashion, before they had opportunity to know me? I questioned the mere idea and could not fathom such a love. The more I pondered, the less I desired to go.
The other souls grew tired of me. My denial of such a claim became insipid. I was left alone in the grey. My tiny thoughts swirled like the mist around my light. I continued the denial out of fear for wanting such a love and then finding it to be utterly false. How would I feel then? But the absurdity of it all bemused me. I had to know but the fear I carried was heavy. During one of my lowest points, I was summoned.
I hesitated and actually entertained the idea of running away somewhere, beyond the beyond. But souls are limited and the others would not allow me to ruin my very first chance. I wanted to delay my time but I could not deny the Light of Creation. Invevitably and with much apprehension, I moved into the radiating light. All the while, complete panic and pure joy tugged for control of my tiny self.
The Light molded me into life as I spiraled downward. Where I finally found myself, I could only have described as a perfect place. Nestled in the confines of safety, within the warm walls of my mother's womb, my fear dissolved completely. Untainted feelings of absolute bliss washed over me. I knew of no other dwelling in the realm of existence that I would have rather been.
The weeks that went by offered only joyous mood. I spent the days feeling my mother's soft heartbeat and I was comforted by that rhythmic song. I began to understand the basis of the love I had once regarded as myth. Such lucid thought filtered through me and I came to the conclusion that my mother loved me unconditionally, for I was within her, wrapped in the essence of her very soul! The entire act proved to me that she cared deeply and that she would protect me always from anything meaning harm. Though my small heart initially doubted the idea, it soon grew and became filled with so much love, I no longer questioned that powerful emotion.
One morning, after weeks of pure happiness, my repose was disturbed quite abruptly. Bewilderment poured over me as I saw the soft darkness convert into a hateful glow. I could not recall the length of time required of me to spend in that tender shelter until I was "expected", but the changes I felt, I knew were absolutely wrong. The assailing light rushed into the chamber and smothered me with its intensity. Madness thronged into my living space and burned my fragile form, as though the sun exploded before me.
Up to that point, I had felt only solace and security. That morning, my mother's heartbeat, which had always been pacifying, began to beat wildly, pounding viciously with emotions that were alien to me. Anger and regret reverberated throughout the walls of the womb and I felt myself yearning to cry.
A sharp pain, greather than any I could have possibly imagined, gripped my meager form and tore my whole being from the home I truly believed guarded. The light I was dragged into was not as bright as the Light I had traveled in before but this baneful fire was harsh and was agonizing to my unaccustomed eyes. The event was tormenting but would not compare to the terror forthcoming.
The fantastic tale depicted by the others and the pleasurable experience once told me, never mentioned anything I had experienced that moment. What I endured was so painful and despairing. The desolation tortured my minute soul. The others once offered that on the day I was delivered, I would cry out in triumphant joy. I only wanted to cry out in anguish, for I was ripped from the only source of love I knew, my mother's heart.
I could not wake from what I hoped was my first nightmare. Instead, I was thrown roughly into a cold, black pouch that held no form. The warmth I had once known was no more. I felt only constant ache as the coldness draped over me and my unformed body shivered desperately. Shaking in suffering but not enough to keep the biting chill at bay.
I was abandoned somewhere without light. The air that surrounded my nakedness was wet and cold. I could not move. My form remained motionless in the dark, alone and scared. How long would my light remain? What number of minutes would pass before I could no longer feel the pain? I listened for her heart to beat but heard only silence. As I lay there confused and hurt, an imminent feeling of sheer horror overwhelmed me. I would forever lay alone within that bleak place.
The suddeness of my conception was shadowed by the abrupt appearance of an even brighter light than that of Creation. This brilliant Light raced down from above, scattering the foreboding clouds and shattering the bitter cold. It tore through the blackness that imprisoned me and gently cradled my spirit. The warm light lifted me higher, whispering all would be well. During my ascent, I witnessed the vile place where the one I thought loved me true, put me to die. The absolute sadness and misery that overwhelmed me just seconds before, began to fade quickly as I felt His hands hold me tight.
His white Light carried me to Heaven and there, He told me how much He loved me. I saw the perfection of His kingdom and I heard the promise in His voice. He said that He would never fail me in my time of need. I experienced the power of His love and the only thing He asked of me was to accept Him as my Savior.
I was not given the chance to live for Him the way I thought would have been necessary but the few weeks of life I was given, allowed me to taste what I believed was the sweetness of a human's love. What I felt was the true wickedness and cruelty of a human heart and that was enough for Him. The stories of unconditional love intrigued me but I now understand that not every human heart can love that way.
I remember the shining light of my creation and the temporary mirth of my shadowed life on Earth. But neither memory is held more dear than that memory I have of the moment He leaped from the heights of Heaven, rescued my desperate soul and carried me safely home. The greatest love I will ever know.