THE GREENY MIRAGE!!!
Now it's 12:30 at night. The new day has already started - 27th Dec 2015. Akash, my smarty hubby, is in deep sleep. But, I can't sleep. Something has been disturbing my mind for the last few days. And now I am sitting in our drawing room with a peg of red wine in my hand.
I am Enakshmi Sen Chakraborty - a science teacher of a secondary English medium school rooted in my locality. But, this is not enoughly said of my recognition, I do better say the identification. I am still the sweetest Baby' of a 59 years old poor lady - my one and only closed-to-heart parent - my mother. Me - the lovable "Ena" to my hubby. My friends and colleagues also call me Ena. One of my ex-boyfriends Sumit used to call me "Jewel". But I honour the pride to hear the utterance of 'Maa' from 6 yrs old Krish - Krishnendu Chakraborty, my lovely and bubbly son. He is the prince of my maternal kingdom.
Oh, sorry, I forget to name my best friend Deep Chatterjee, a junior creative associate of an Ad-agency. Yeah, Deep is my best friend since our adolescence. He was always there with me, whenever I was in need for any sort of cooperation, but he had never got the token of appreciation from my end, lest he could start giving priority on him. He was always there with me, and, still is there, not with me, but with my heart.
Deep and I are the friends for the last 15 yrs, the lengthy friendship more than my 10 yrs conjugal life shared with Akash. Akash, is a senior bank manager by his profession, an over-responsible husband and a very strict and disciplined father. He, no doubt, is very caring father and husband too, but sometimes, his over-borne caring attitude converts into sheer sophisticated domination, and this irks me wildly.
I was having many so-called affairs, and I was very affluent with this subject to have fun. And, it was very typical, rather difficult job for the most men I came to contact with, to control my jiggling juveniles. But, Akash could succeed in the process with the help of his irresistible patience, an extreme intelligence among the equals, and his obvious desire to meet my unreachable womanish demands.
Yeah, I expect a lot, really mean a lot, and I've guts to declare this. But, I also give the same in return which most of the people known to me, fail to agree with. No, this is not the lamentation, it's my proclamation. I'm very happy with Akash and my family.
But sorry, I can't confide myself and my mental world within a day-to-day family and professional routine life. Apart from everything and everyone else entangled with my life, I do still crave to think only of myself that includes some of my socially-called erratic desire and pleasure. And one of the pleasurable things is to hear the word of "PRINCESS" with the non-dramatic spontaneous voice of Deep.
Besides Akash, Deep is the next one who can keep the pace with the flow of my unpredictability. He's the masterpiece to touch my psychological wave. But, it's hardly possible to penetrate what's going on his mind. I myself get confused sometimes.
He loved to accompany whenever I needed to have fun, any sort of fun it was; might it be simply killing my unreasonable boredom, or, wishing to get someone reliable with me to avoid loneliness on the way of dating my boyfriend - whatever the need, Deep was always there.
I failed to notice his struggling egotism which I do realize lately. He was so friendly that he could mix-up to the new people with inmost ease. His jovial exuberance was not left unnoticed by anyone he met, even to Akash, when Deep first came to our flat. And, my son is in damn love with him. My little Krish openly threats me whenever he's scolded that he'll go to Deep and never return to us. Ooh, laughingly irritable. I wonder, how Deep controlled others' emotions as if his own.
I do remember the day we had a temporary split just few months before I got knotted with Akash. He was then quite quiet, but I noticed an unfathomable glance with his scratching smile. He might want to tell a lot, but struggled immensely to utter, and, went away hurriedly. Since then he stopped to meet me, and I also failed to contact him.
My life always has had been like roller-coaster, and I was damn busy in experiencing so many things, running after corporate arena, included an adequate dating, and during the course, I met Akash.
Within a couple of months we decided to get settled. Akash is ten years older to me and his reserved personality added with the weight of seniority bogged me down to the minute details of the routine-life. Now, I am an experienced married woman.
But, why I am thinking of all these rubbish things today. I should settle myself on the bed. But I'm feeling so restless, thinking of Deep. A recent post in FB made me fragile.
Yeah, he came to me again after a long time since he went away hurriedly. As he's got uncountable friends that included a few of mine for his sky-scrapping amicability, he had got my contact number through one of my old friends. On one evening I got a phone call from an unknown number displaying, and I received the call formally.
"Is Princess over there I'm talking to? This is Deep here".
My usual nerves had got a sudden jerk to the blend of his soft-hardy voice, and his utterance of 'Princess'. I hadn't heard this word for a long. I reacted with a sudden burst of emotions and happiness. We chatted for some time over phone. I requested him to come to our flat and meet me. He agreed.
He came the next day. My heart leapt in joy. After a long hiatus we had had a lengthy chatting. He was as usual as before I had seen him. He involved my entire family to take part to lift the fire of rocketing environ. Our 1000 sq. ft. flat was ruptured into a gaudy laughter. His body language was aptly synchronized with his verbal languages. We had dined together and I had mannered to tell him to meet us again.
He continued meeting me and we again exchanged our widely gained experiences. Our communication was always great and honestly clear. When we laughed, we laughed loudly, and whenever argument occurred we fought terribly. I always loved to poke on his emotions.
Akash, earlier tried to measure out intuitively the depth of our bonding, but his mission was in vain. We laughed loudly together, we quarreled terribly. So Akahs got confused sometime.
One day the argument between me and Deep turned horrible. The source of the argument was that I always exploited his goodness and the softened emotions.
"Didn't you understand what actually I wanted to tell you? Only two things I always received from you - the ignorance and sheer humiliation. You're terrific materialistic woman, always ran after the more money, more stability. What did you get at last, a hefty bank balance and huge inherited properties of your bloody legal fucker, right." - He delivered like an wounded beast to fight against me and his wild telephonic statement damaged my normal nervous system and hurt my softer sentiments.
On the very evening he came to me, looking so desperate and furious. I was alone in our flat then, my little son had gone out with his loving Amma' - my mom. Deep came close to me physically, his burning eyes stared at me, and I felt the warmth of his breathing.
"What's up Deep?" - I asked with trembling utterance.
"I'm sorry, Princess. I'm sorry extremely sorry." - his burning eyes were glittering with watery layers opening out of the ocean of his emotions, his hands were kept on my shoulders and then he cupped my face. He hid his face against my breast. His hands tightened my body and I felt the hushing sound of his profound weeping. I was then loosing the strengths of my feet to stand on.
"What's up Deep, what's up? Feeling guilty of attacking me in the morning? Ok, I do understand your feelings. I wasn't hurt on what you said, but I never wanted to take the advantage of your softness. Please believe me dear."
He was still then weeping profusely.
"Please be seated Deep." - I allowed my hands to roam rhythmically throughout his head and around the neck, trying to pacify his emotions and latent grief.
"Please Deep, let me hear the unspoken words of your heart silently" - I made me free from the clutches of his tightened hands and put him seated on the sofa.
His palms and fingers were running haphazardly on his wetty cheeks and eyes, and he was fighting with the burst of his emotions to control himself. I was minutely observing his babyish mannerism with my maternal intuition.
"Yes Deep, please speak out. I understand you've a lot to say" - I appealed, and my eyes started scanning him thoroughly.
He was looking at the other corner of the room. Once he looked back to me and fought within to utter something, but failed. Again he looked at other corner of the room. I was sitting on the, touching his knees. Now he looked at me again and started to open his lips with his gentle scratching smile..
"I love you Princess, I love you. I took so many years to tell that I never treated you as one of my friends, but my dream-lady. I know you very well, and I also know that you've got everything in your life, everything, but..." - He got a pause.
"But what, Deep" - I enquired eagerly.
"But something is missing there in your life right now, I might be wrong. But...." - He again took a pause.
"No Deep, you're not wrong" - I uttered with spontaneity.
"I may not be qualified to be your friend, but you're the best of mine. You know, there's a saying, a good friend can be a best husband but a good husband may not be a best friend. Hope you understand what I'm saying" I floated with the flow on the ocean of his emotions.
He then came down on the floor from sofa he was sitting, and sat against me holding my hands gently.
"Should I keep my head onto your lap?" - He entreated with childish desire.
I gave him a pleasant smile with affectionate consent. He laid down on the floor facing inhibition to keep his head on my thighs, but I helped by pulling him into my lap. He smiled again, and then, with his snaky movement, came close to my breast, looked at me once with his gleaming eyes.
His hands grabbed me wholly, tightly, much more tightly. His lips looked dry and he tried to get them softened with the touch of his tongue, and slowly started to brush my lips softly, then impulsively. I did not know when the fingers of my hands clutched his hairs with the combined tempo of physical and mental readiness. He went on brushing my frontal neck to lips. He took my tongue onto his mouth and locked for a couple of minutes. I felt the irresistible urge of the sexual pleasure and my heart already connected to his.
But I had to resist myself as to why the time was knocking to the arrival of my son and his Amma. I released myself from the clutches of Deep's emotional abundances.
"Deep, let me enter into kitchen, please, I need a little water to soften my drying throat." - I requested, and, he allowed me.
He was so restless that he couldn't stand or sit anymore, and entered into kitchen after me which I didn't notice. He tried to enfold me from behind, and uncautiously the glass of water fell down from my right hand on the floor and broke into pieces.
I looked at Deep. He was then looking guilt-felt, smilingly said that he was sorry, and quickly kneeled to take the each and every broken piece of glasses into the dustbin-basket kept at the corner of the kitchen. I stepped ahead to help him, but he didn't allow me, lest I had had the cuts.
I sat on the sofa observing the art of his household work, as he appealed me to disturb him not. He did the work carefully with a margin of required speed. I tried to penetrate into his brain and mind.
"What has happened to him today? What's going on his head?" - I murmured, as I hadn't seen him earlier being prepared desperately.
Suddenly he called me into kitchen, and I thought he might have needed my any sort of help, as he was in the newly workplace at the moment.
"Yeah Deep, tell me, how can I help you?" I asked gently.
He looked at me smilingly, kneeling on the toes. His right-hand still touched the dustbin-basket.
"Can't we get married now in an unconventional way?" - He asked with sheer desperation stared his eyes onto mine.
I got a sudden heavy push into the internal system of my biological and philosophical embodiment. "Whaat!" - I frowned and my neurological system pulled my legs back ahead.
"No, listen, don't get me wrong. I'm simply telling my views. I'm not at all crazy right now. My crazy love for you sought the way to get you..at least mentally, philosophically. May be, like a single dancing wave on the ocean of bohemianism. And now I've found the way" - his body languages got tuned with a tempo of a bit eccentricity.
He took a small piece of broken glass holding in the grips of his forefinger and thumb, and pressed it hardly and scratched quickly with the full strength of his index. Then he scratched 7 times subsequently and consecutively - neither more than 7 nor less than that. Just only 7 times. I tried to stop him, but failed.
Within a couple of seconds, it was bleeding profusely, the blood was flowing down throughout his palms and he was gasping with reddish facial expression. I gazed at him and then looked down to his blood-tinged tremored palm, and I thought to bring the first-aid to provide him.
But, when I stepped toward our sitting room, he held my hands and brought me close to his face, and then, very hurriedly touched his bloody thumb onto the upper stage of my forehead - the starting point of the diversion zone of the tiara, and smears the area with his bloody finger in a most inefficient artistic touch. I was speechless for a while, participated in an awkward dramatized situation. I could have slapped, but I was awestruck.
"We got married princess in our own friendly world. No one will get to know this, today's evening is only ours, and will be forever. You're mine, mine only. From now you're my married wife, my life- partner. May not be the legal bed-partner."
"Don't forget today's evening - the 27th December. I won't I forget" - he went on saying.
Then he took me into the sitting room slowly with friendly care and put me seated on the sofa, as still my nerves trembled. He gave a gentle kiss holding my hands, then turned to cheeks, and at last, on the forehead.
"I have to leave right now. We shall meet again - either tomorrow or day after tomorrow, or, may be a year after. You live the life, the way you wish" - he took a pause then and started to remove his fingers from the clutches of my grip.
I failed to be seated like a dumby doll.
My eyes were drenched, and I failed to stop the flow of the big-drops of the water rolling down throughout my cheeks. I stood up and hugged him tightly, hid my face into his hairy chest within the red T-shirt. He pampered me for a while, and then, suddenly I pushed him back and ran to my bedroom to have the first-aid for him.
When I was in the bedroom, I heard a harsh sound of opening the door-lock. I ran back to the door from the bedroom. He had gone away.
I had dialed his number but his cell was switched off. I thought of what to do the next. My eyes panned into the drops of blood spotted on the whitish floor of the kitchen.
"OK, I shall try him later" - I whispered, and quickly ran to the kitchen to clean the floor as to rub out the bloody evidence of the incident. "I should scrub the floor" - I decided.
Within a few minutes, the little Krish and my mom came back and Akash had also returned. I didn't get the time to contact Deep. While my entire family slept away in the darkened night, I tried to get to know how he was then, but it was not reachable. I tried again and again being very impatient, but it didn't work.
On the next day, I again tried to contact him but I had to hear the same electronically voiced that the number was not reachable. I got irritated then and stopped trying anymore. We didn't have any contact since then.
A couple of months later, I came to know through a reliable source that he left the town. This made me aghast and irate at the very moment, as this was a sort of betrayal to me.
Several months passed away and a few hours are left from now for the right moment to memorize - the moments of 27th, the moments of love, the moments of friendship, and the moments of eternity.
Honestly saying, my bewildered confusion and his unpredictable spontaneity forced me to bestow him a couple of thousand acres land in my heart, but.. I'm married after all, having the full-fledged family with 6 yrs old child.
Women are born with insecurity in their vein and nerve; and married women get the boony strength to bear the million-dozens burdens of it...
Now I am getting annoyed on thinking of him, and I do better try to take part in sharing our bed. I'm about to get on the bed, but a soft-rhythmic sound of entering new SMS into the inbox of my cell kept on the top of the refrigerator, pierced into my brain. It's now quarter past one.
Shit, who can send SMS right now, either it can be the auto-generated marketing contents of the cell company, or, yeah, it could be from Deep. My friendly scoundrel may intend to screw my night.
Thinking with frisky happiness that the content of the SMS could be like "hay sweetie idiot, enjoying the peaceful night but I'm unable to being departed from you Happy Wedding Anniversary"
I hopped near the refrigerator and picked my cell to view the message.
"unlimited aur nonstop gaane ab bajenge sirf aapke mobile per. dial 56300555 aur suniye unlimited gaane. Call Free."
Huuh, bloody rascal.