They were skipping up the drive, the pumpkin lamps all glowing with the inane grins of unskilled but enthusiastic carvers. Little witches and wizards, cloaks spangled with glitter; the odd skeleton or two with their shop bought masks. I could hear them coming. Shrill voices. Their incessant high pitched chatter was so grating; children just can't keep quiet.

"Trick or Treat".

Enthusiastic shouting and I could even hear banging on my front door. I'm not going to pretend no one's in; the little pests might decide to do a trick anyway. So annoying; they need a lesson.

"Could you go and greet them on the porch darling and drive them away? But keep your head on darling. I just want them scared enough to never come back but so that their parent's will think it's just children's imaginations; but not much more any more and we'd have to move; that would be irritating."

Shrill screams hit the air. Joseph Ryder, died 1885, had performed his special trick of walking through people. Extremely effective. I could see swirls of sparkled cloaks and hands clutching their pumpkin lights pelting as fast as their legs could carry them down the drive and away. Perfect.