A Warm Summerday (The Beginning)

by Paula

A warm summerday

That's what it seems like. The past couple of days the sun had been shining vividly, and today seemed to become another one of those days. Long were the moments, and enduring the nights. If I didn't know any better, and if my sweet

boyfriend Lars didn't remind me with his low, heavy voice, I wouldn't have believed it. Going to bed while looking at the slowly dissapearing orange globe, it seemed like life was perfect, like it was forever. Like thousands of small

petals, twirling in the air, flowing around, waiting to be picked up. Waiting to be loved. Almost like some sort of magic had happend to the world. The kind of magic that makes everything more beautiful. Sereen, and soft. The shades

of pink, purple and lila in even lines drawing up the sky, in contrast with the soft shapes in my garden. I loved that garden, more then anything else. When I close my eyes, I can still see the bright green of the grass, inwhere little

white and yellow flowers nestled and made themselves comfortable. I remember the bench, that Lars made for me, and when I try really really hard, I can still feel then nerves of the wood gliding through my fingers. The sharp edges of the

circles, the rings that once used to tell about life. And of course the firm armrest, big enough to carry both my arms and a glass of wine. Of course, all that seems so long ago now. And with every day that passes by, those memories seem

to fade more and more. Like leaves falling in the autumn, gliding through the sky my life slipped through my fingers. Or was starting to. I'm not sure where to begin, and where to end. I wish there was an end, but so far it seems to not have

found me yet. Maybe it's about to slip into my life, maybe it's a dark page, still waiting for me at the end of the book. Maybe it's here yet, and am I, unable to see the boundaries of life, a willingless victem to it's shaky decisions.

That, I don't know. All I know is that I wished it was here. Ready to tell me it's over, all of it. Ready to give me my life back, the life I used to have before it started to unravel. The grass, the sun and all that used to make me so

happy. All the things that I used to take for granted and that used to seem so normal. I never appreciated it. And neither did Lars. Or I guess maybe he did. Maybe he did just a little too much. I can still remember the fridayafternoon

when I discovered all those pictures on his computer, not being able to close them away out of shock. The immediate fear that became part of me soon started to eat away our relationship, and not just that, my soul, my whole being. If

someone you love that much betrays you in such a way, I decided quickly, then there's nothing left to do. The glass was empty. With every picture of a naked woman, vulnerable and showing her beauty to what seemed like just any man, a

little beauty inside of me died. And before I knew it, I had turned into a bitter, distrusting woman.

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