The Diary of Mystery

by Hazli Ghazali


1.30pm, in front of the library

          "Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! Can I speak to Parvin please?" "Wait a second, I'll get her for you, and she'll be on the line." Waiting for her in the hot day is so unpleasant and I'm suffering under the hot and shiny day, waiting to get the class notes from her, a beautiful and lovely student in my class, perhaps the cleverest. Everybody claim that she's the one with guts, she's the one with high spirit, she's the one with beauty, and she's the one with the sight of love that is possible to kill any potential love hunter, men of lust, hiding behind the holy name of love.

          "Hi there, Parvin here, is that you Hazli? I'm so sorry. I forgot that I have to meet you in front of the library. I think that I can't make it right now; I'm going out with my roommate, Nita right now, you know Nita right? Can I meet you at the same place tonight, perhaps 10 o' clock?" Damn!!! I've missed my noon class just because of this matter, not one but two classes but she just left with a simple reason? What a fool and terrible female! I have two more classes after this, at 2 and 4 pm. Interesting classes but, it's better for me to go back to my room and reduce my tension and stress. I think that my head will blow up if I attend those two classes. With my eyes of destruction, I'm thinking of "eating", slashing" and "chopping" everyone in front of me. With my devilish look, I think that I might fear everyone and with my hands of fatal, I'm thinking of bringing them to hell. All because of her, always because of her, ruining my entire mood for the day, making me mad. Luckily I'm not the Hulk, if not I think that everybody know what will happen right? All the buildings might be not more than just history, written in the damn blue history book of 1500 words that I have to read, not really read, but I was forced to read, if not I will fail in my history subject.

2.15pm, Bilal D 1.1.

My tension increased as I see my room. I've Forgot to wash my most valuable soccer boots as well as the socks. I was really mad with my locker, who broke my locker? I've lost my books; everything was torn and thrown away like a bunch of shit! Luckily I still had my wallet and my hand phone with me. I sit with hatred anger and started to write:

When the light goes out,

Evil will shout,

Fire will be out,

Nothing to talk about,

I'll be the one,

Destroying the sun,

Neither it will burn,

Nor sharpen the blunt,

Rise the damn,

Demon will stand,

The world is closing in,

I'll be the king.

3.30 pm, Bilal D 1.1.

          I Prayed to God, hoping and invoking to be under His light and protection all the times and went to switch on the CD player, to listen to my favorite song and I slept on the bed, a bed of mess!

5.00 pm, Bilal D 1.1

          I woke up in a very different world more like an alien world and I'm in breathe out of nowhere. Out of nowhere? C'mon man! You're alive! Yeah, I'm alive and oh what the hell I'm doing on my bed? I have a soccer match today! I went to the bathroom, washing my body, brushing my teeth. Sat and bowed with humble, praying for safety to everyone that I know, praying for everything. I'm facing my Creator, my Master, asking for help from Him to be free from the dark forces and hoping that I'll win the match. I put on my boots, ready for action on the field with my friends. We struggled to win the match.

          It was an amazing day for me, scoring a marvelous goal. All my friends had done a very good job to win the match with high spirit and great sense of teamwork, one of the best moments that I had with my loving fellow friends, other than a girlfriends, because I don't have any!

10.00 pm, in front of the library

          I returned the notes to Parvin after I photocopied it in a rush. I was still mad at Parvin, but when she smiled at me, everything seems to be okay, no more anger and hatred towards a beautiful like Parvin. I Went back to my room and sleep but before ending up my day on the bed, I grabbed my pen and papers and jotted down:

Eyes of fire; eyes of desire,

Words of the hot sun; words of the undone,

Hands of violence; hands that burn,

Feet that run to hell; feet that will dwell,

Rise up from the dark,

Bring out all your guts,

Be the eyes of truth, Speak the words of faith,

You're the hands of god,

Walking to destroy the dark lord.

My Dream, Bilal D 1.1.

          In my dream, I heard a voice whispering to me that:

Fly ahead when the fire is there,

Walk alone when there's light,

Challenging the sun only you would dare,

To fight the dark you have no might,

Waking at night wiping the sweat from the brows,

Dreaming in the sun I'll be burned to ash,

Beyond the sky I'll bow,

Virtue is in a great mess,

I'm no more a devil nothing a cuckold,

Runs with the fire, fight with the haze,

But I'm leaving nothing to hold,

Nothing to give neither my last breathe.

          I was in my own dream, in a state of confusion. I found myself in a group of huge, ugly creatures with wings and three thorns on their heads, bowing to me, saying that:

"Master, we greet you, we welcome you to the kingdom of dark, be our master, be our leader, for we know that you have no brothers".

          I was brought to their kingdom; I was crowned and declared to be their king. I sat on the throne and I'm starting to be one of them. Suddenly, everything around turned to be dark, I'm on my bed again in my room, I was sweating all over my body and started to think, "what the hell was that supposed to mean?"


The World of the Unseen, (unknown time).

          Mission accomplished. Hazli was brought into the world of darkness. His mind was twisted and no one would ever know what have happened to him. A troop of dark army was sent to prevent him from escaping his mind to the real world, where he will discover the ultimate truth on how to destroy us all, the entire dark kingdom. He played with his mind and conflicting himself in a bunch of crap. He'll be in the dark forever till the end of day. Proceed to the next mission. Main subject, Hazli.

The World of the Unseen (Unknown time).

          Here, all of the nations are gathered to cast a spell on Hazli. Objective, burdening his mind with lots of unknown problems and conflicts, bringing him to despair, turning him into a split-mind personality. Parvin from the real world will be included together with Nita as well as all his other fellow friends, all that he knew, including his own loving family and relatives, a war will occur!

Bilal D1.1 (8.30 a.m).

          I really had a bad nightmare last night. I was brought into the world of darkness, where a troop of thousands unknown creatures forced me to be their master, their king to the throne of the demon? I don't know whether it is true or not but the truth is, I saw something that nobody ever saw before in their whole life. Is it true that there's a world and a community where we're not allowed to know and see? Is it fair for me when I'm not allowed to know the truth? One day, I'll know the truth and I'll change the world.

Computer Lab (10 a.m).

          I sat on my favorite seat, doing all my work; assignments, emails as well as writing short stories and poems. Well, talking about poems, I wrote my next poem:

Flowers burning bright,

Darkened the daylight,

Guidance of the night,

Destruction of the greatest sight,

Thorns that hurt,

Beginning of the new world,

Far away darkness flies like a bird,

Brightest day; nothing is better,

Voice of sorrow,

The sign of funeral march,

Be good and righteous before you go,

For the will of the devil is strong and large,

Hear the cry hear the pray,

Obey the lord fill up your day,

Neither be evil nor the prey,

Or deep in the hell you will lay.

          I sat quietly and think; what is my destiny? Am I following the right way? Do I love my all my friends? My friends always told me that my love to all my friends is not equal and that is absolutely right. Some of my friends always insulting me by saying that I may be good in some part, but in relationship, especially with females, I'm a failure. Honestly, I'm not good being a friend to a female. That's nothing to me but today, I'm going to reveal everything about myself in this "diary of mystery". I'm letting everything in my mind free forever, fly like the blowing wind and burn like the hot fire that will burn everything.

Bilal D 4.2 (12 p.m).

          There was no one in my room. I sat in front of the computer and I turned it on. All my anger was released to "Grain Turismo 2", a PC game, where all car racers is gathered in one "CD" in "PC" mode, letting all the PC users to learn their skills in driving. I let the car moved freely and started to think again. The first day I stepped into the university that I'm studying now, I saw a female called Nora. The moment I saw her face for the first time, I could feel something inside me, especially my heart. It was beating so fast.

          I know that something will happen between me and her. Then I lost her. At the end of the first semester, I saw her again. I do think at that moment that she's my destiny and that was the first time ever for me to write a poem in my mind. It was a love poem that I made especially for her but, it seems to be that she hated me. I tried to forget her by starting to approach other females and actually, I had no experiences about this. I realized that I've done the biggest mistake in my life. But all that was done came from my love to Nora. It was so unlucky for me. She didn't read the poem at all maybe or maybe she didn't understand the poem that was addressed specially for her:

A kiss from you is like a song,

Or the melody that fills the day,

Till all my wishes steal away,

To a paradise for two,

It's only me and only you,

Where no one can find us,

As we share the wonder of,

Dreams come-true-today,

Tomorrow; a lifetime true.


Bilal College, Cafeteria (1.00 p.m)

          Frustrated and sadness is together with me, voice of sorrow is filling my head, strength of anger is spinning in my mind. This is the day, the day of grief for me. This is the time, the time of misery for me. All my dreams will never come true. All my spirits will vanish forever and ever. I'm going to lose my pride, humility is overpowering me. Damn! Am I turning to be crazy and mad? Cool down Hazli, you still have your pride, you still have your spirits, don't worry, everything will be fine.

        It was so strange! I heard a voice telling me something! I wonder whose voice is that. Better be patient. It was the voice that I used to hear, whispering to me all the times, telling me to do something, mostly something that I refuse to do!

My Friend's Room (3.30 p.m).

          All of my friends were here. They were my best friends, together with me in any condition, sharing all my happiness and sadness. Some of them were playing with the computer, where the rest of them was talking and teasing each other in joy. I sat on the chair in the room, talking with one of my best friends. I had to admit that he was the best friend of mine, since we were in the same class years ago. I can discuss and talk with him almost about anything. I always try my best to help him; I always do my best to him as I could.

College 5 (6.00 p.m).

          I had no interest to play soccer, just sitting beside the field watching my entire friend kicking the ball. I was asked to join, but not today, I've lost my entire mood, I had no interest in dreaming to be like my idol, Roberto Carlos on the field. All the time was used to think and think and think. I'm not sure what the thing I'm thinking all about was. I just can't find the answer; I had no point, no goals of what was going on in my head. Am I going to die? Am I going to jump into the hell and live there forever? Who knows right but the only thing that came to my mind now is Nora.

          Most of my time in these four years was spent by thinking about her. Of course she was one of my goal, she was one my target and the importance is, she's the one that I love but, that wouldn't happen, I was damn sure about that. I didn't know why, but it was my fault not to confess in front of her that she was the one that I desire in my life. She was the goddess of mine, she was my essence of natural beauty, attractive smile, great personality, amazing communication skills and I don't know, it's perfect! I really like and admire as well as loving her so much! Nothing in this world could change my mind and my feeling toward Nora. She is so special to me.

Bus stop (9.30 p.m).

          I'm waiting for the bus, as I'm going back to my hometown tonight. It was so sad to leave all my friends behind and for sure, I can't be there if my friends need my help but right now, my family needed me more, they needed my help more than my friend now. Of course, talking about my family, all I can say is that, my family is everything to me, they're all that I need other than Nora. Although I love her very much, but I still have my family.

          Although my feelings towards Nora is so strong and pure, but I'm not ready to die for her yet because I'm in battle to protect my family from something, something indescribable and cannot be explained by words. It's too complex to understand about that. I had to go back as I'm the root of this matter, the door to everything. Otherwise, I'll destroy not only my family, but all my entire friends especially Nora and anyone that know me. Forget about that for a while, the bus was here and I had to continue my journey.


In Dream (on the Bus).

          "Running free like never before, burning thy bright spirit dear brother, for thy sword of truth will always stand, more by word soft and smooth seals thy hand, one from the nation there will be, son born to bless sanctify to see, wisdom is at the end for him to find, there the road begins where another one will bend, hear the four winds blow, see the fire burn with sorrow, neither the reality nor the truth will forsake, either the truth or lie will be laid, for the world of dream forever will stand, a world of fantasy with no end".

          Once again I heard such an annoying and those bothersome voices out of nowhere. Sound like the voice was reminding me of something that will happen, more like a clue to be solved, a problem to be unraveled. A voice came from the darkness of dream, the worst part of my dream. Suddenly, something worse than dreaming happened, the bus stop

The Restaurant (12.30 am).

          There was nothing strange with a bus that was not moving. Nothing bad with it. In fact, it stopped me from dreaming bad all the night. I stepped down from the bus. It was not my choice to have my late dinner in the restaurant. I went out, crossing the road to fill my stomach with those delicious and mouth-watering food that was not available in the restaurant. For me, every time I reached here, I will have a chance to gain and achieve peace and harmony but sometimes, there were also those supernatural and mystical elements flying and playing around and I can sensed it but I can't see it nor feel it.

          Every time I was alone, wondering in a dark place, they will follow me, staying beside me, doing everything, trying to decrease my stand and belief as well as hold, but I'm sure that I can manage to overcome them. I will continue later, the bus is moving now and I'm starting to feel something strange and very large and huge were coming to me from a far away unknown land where everything is impossible to be accepted by my sense of rational thinking and surely I know what are they.

          "Nothing can stop me, everything won't bother me, you won't die in heaven, nor to reach the dreamland, you'll burn in my hand, ablaze till you learn, that I'm your master, master of flame and smolder".


Home Sweet Home (5.30 am).

          Home at last. On the loose in my homeland, far away from that brutish and bestial crowd of blood sucking, full of slanders, insults and lies. The only thing that obsessed, possessing me all the times was left behind for a while, for I am on my way and journey, on my drive and ride to a destiny and providence, the divine intervention, determining my whole life, time and living.

          Those white-bearded old folks, four of them were walking, on their feet to a blessed, holy and consecrated journey, gambling and betting with their own lives for the better one, the rewarded future, where everyone will get everything desired and wanted. For sure in minutes, more of them will come out for the same purpose and intention, including my 79 years old grandfather.

The time had coming, I assumed and believed that I have to join them, as this holy deed is not only for the old folks but also obliged to all regardless and apart from their sex, age whether they are young or old. Those heavy stuff and belongings of mine have to be carried together. Luckily, I have my stuff with me, if not I will miss it and I will not have any chance to get lots of divine and godly reward, to pray and invoke.

          As I'm starting to be in motion, I could felt and sensed that they were around, lots of them, thousands perhaps millions of them for the unsettled and unfinished revenge for something that I've never started and done. Still have 15 minutes before the holy and divine call. I will be in a great and vast trouble if I didn't think of any solutions and resolutions.

Home Sweet Home (5.40 am).

          Suddenly, everything around turned to be very dark, no more white-bearded old folks, everything was so impossible to be located and seen; I am senseless, helpless and sightless.

          From far away, I saw a very large and huge crowd in a red shining, haunting and devilish light coming to me; flying, running, crawling with a very scary and frightening look. I sighted them but I cannot see what they were. I was losing my body control, I was trembling, shaking all over my body, felt like losing my ability to stand, I was in a mode of speechless and for the first time in my life, I had to admit that I was very afraid.

          Psychologically, they were trying to decrease my sense of rational thinking, demanding to overcome my mind, attempting to control my body. They filled up my ears with voices that I have never heard before, sounds like lightning and thunder. It was so hard for me to breathe; I think that I was going to die in this so called despairing condition. They were very close to me now. I was facing and seeing the most disastrous and destructive kind of look, something that I had never seen before. Suddenly as they were trying to do something worse, everything disappeared mysteriously in a slight.

          I was saved; I was blessed by the holy and divine call! Thank to God, The Most Gracious and Compassionate. Quickly I crossed the road, on my journey to the holy mosque, performing the Morning Prayer congregationally. After that I went back home to have a nice sleep and thinking of those three-horns creatures!!!

The Diary of Mystery (Part 5)

          Scratching my head, unstable heartbeats and I can hardly breathe. Some of the conditions came together with the loss and failure for me to stand and see, lost my sight as well. That was my feeling right when I found myself suddenly out of nowhere in an all-white surrounding, an endless neighboring and contiguous, mysterious bordering; so wide, so empty. Completely and endless world of something that I'll never know and explore.

          As the tense and anxious increased, those freak and mysterious world changed together with the change of my emotion. I found myself standing alone in front of and old, haunting and evocative mansion aged thousands years old surrounded by thousands of old cemeteries! I was bordered and bounded by something uncertain, filled with something totally that had something to do with darkness and evil!

Shockingly, I saw that something started to wake up from the graves, stirring my feelings and emotions, bringing it to the peak of fright! For sure, I know all of them! My grandparents, my parents, my friends, Nora, Nita and Parvin and the entire one that I know, thousands of them! They were grieving and crying for something really sad and miserable, asking and seeking for my help.

          I cried then a soundless and noiseless scream, the loudest one, I wept and shed my tears but I cannot even hear my own cry! Suddenly, I felt and sensed that I was starting to breathe slower, my heartbeats are stopping, and I was breathing like a slaughtered cow, over and over again. I was holding my own throat. I felt like my life is being pulled out from my body that starting to be very cold and suddenly I fell down.

          I opened my eyes. I was still lying on my bed in my room; I woke up from my sleep in my house. I heard the holy sound. I know that lots of peoples are reciting the Holy Divine Book. Quickly in a flash I woke up and went out to see who they were.

          I saw lots of people; males and females sitting and surrounding something covered by white cloth but so strange that I cannot understand what they were reciting. I saw my mother was crying together with my two sisters at the corner of the house. It was so weird that nobody noticed me out there if front of everyone with my night attire.

          I was so curious to know what was being covered there, what was the thing that was covered under the white cloth. As I'm getting nearer, the white cloth slowly turned to be red, like it was shed with blood but no one even noticed that and the most shocking thing is that, I'm experiencing the same thing as well; I was damn bleeding all over my body! I could sense that I'm related to the thing covered there and I opened it, it was me! I was dead already! I was out from my body, I was a damn soul!

          When I started to realize the truth, all the people on the house stood up and stared at me with red eyes and their clothes turned to be black and they were wearing black robes right now. Holding damn sickles each of them! Each of them took out the chain of fire and started to tie me up with it. I screamed as loud as I could and everything around turned to be dark.

          I didn't realize when the time for me to open my eyes again was is but now I found myself sitting on a chair beside a bed covered with white bed sheet and lying on the bed is my grandfather, already dead! The door opened and my parents, my brothers, as well as a woman aged 45 approximately wearing white clothes come in. Shit! Now I'm in a damn hospital, in the damn frightening and haunting ward!

          Suddenly another one came in, that was me! All of them including "me" were helping to prepare for everything to bring the dead body home. My brother told "me" to go home first to tell everyone about the death of my beloved grandfather and before going back, I called all my friends, telling them about the sad and mysterious news. I stood up from the seat and started to think. Am I seeing the future? What was happening to me? I saw my grandfather dies?

The Truth.

          Years after that mysterious and amazing supernatural experience, I was here again in my hometown, for a three-month vacation. Everything seemed to look so normal until the second week of my vacation. My grandfather died in the hospital and I was there. I was so shocked to face that news, that ultimate sadness. The incident really happened, exactly the same as it was told by those mystical and supernatural elements.

          What are those elements? They seemed to be very cruel and bad, but at the same time they told me about the future, the future of my life, of what will happen to me and it did happen. I was so sad for not believing those voices of mystery and supernatural. They were trying to save my grandfather from the death.

          I know the truth that my grandfather died not because of heart disease, he died because of those devilish and supernatural elements, they killed my grandfather silently, so perfect and everybody think that he died naturally and I'm the only one that know the truth, he didn't! Those monsters killed him!

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