It always appalled me how teens my age didn't seem to have faith. It was like they had given up. I felt so blessed when I talked to a teen over the internet of whom I had never met about her faith. She always seemed to be so negative, but I never stopped feeding her the words of the lord. One day she messaged me just to say thank you. She was now living a better life. As I read, tears filled my eyes. It was at that moment I knew I was put here for a reason.
But months later, I was the one with no hope. I was the one who decided to give up. My world wasn't turning upside down. My world, was standing still. And it seemed to me that I was falling off the edge without even taking a step. I seemed to be frozen in time. No matter how hard I tried to keep going something always fell on top of me and got in my way. Soon, I had lost the path I was trying so desperately to follow. By this time I was at the point that I didn't care. Tragedy after tragedy was all life was about. It seemed like every time I got the tiniest bit of light, it only led to a huge black forest I couldn't find my way out of. Things only got worse after that. Negative words were all I heard and I was not aware of the compliments I would receive. Day after day I got up, went to school, came home, and cried until I fell asleep then, repeat all over again. I was no longer hurting because I was not capable. I was numb to feelings. I was like a zombie!
Months went on and things only seemed to get worse. I decided to stop the way I was living forever. I was going to end the gift god had given me. In my heart I didn't want to throw my gift back in gods face, but in my head that was the only way out. I felt nothing was worth living this way and if you never find your way out how can you be happy. I knew life was short as it is, but I was about to make it even shorter. I ended up doing things I am not proud of. But I will say I'm glad I had an experience like that. I feel I am lucky to have felt such pain. Now I know I can be strong. I no longer have doubts about what I can and cannot make it through.
When it was all finally over, I realized I was able to save someone's soul that I had never met, but when it came to myself I didn't believe in hope. I find that teens often are capable of things they didn't know they were capable of. We can always find the kindness to have faith for others, but we care so much about them there is nothing left for ourselves. I came to my senses and life is very much a journey. I have to say I honestly regret nothing. Because everything I have gone through has helped me. Helped me grow in strength, in faith, in hope, and in love. But most of all the horrible things in life that grant you so much pain till it feels you will never be okay, those are the things that make you who you are today.