What to Do.. What to Do..

by Jacob Morris

2028 words. If you're bored, consider getting through it all.

To be honest I don't usually write down anything unless I am at school or typing in a search bar, but for some reason I felt myself being sucked in to writing this down so I can read it back and figure out what I should do.

The thing is, I used to like Sophie for about 2/3 months and I found she liked me about the same time for a short while too. There were many reasons for my stupidity in not confronting her about this, such as my friend Sam, who found himself feeling the same way about Sophie I was. (Thankfully she ignored him when he confessed his emotions). However, this added to the main reason I didn't. Rejection. I had seen it happen to Sam and I thought if she felt the same way she would come forward. I was wrong.

Mine and Sophie's relationship is mainly just humour based, but still I found myself too good friends with her to risk losing what we had. The spark which brought me to write this is the events which occurred on the 9th of October 2009, about six months into first being good friends with her.

Me and Sophie had continuously joked about loving each other and she always had a suspicion I liked her, even when I didn't. This night started with the ten of us meeting up in a field and discussing the alcohol we had brought and what we were planning on buying. I'm a just an average teen, don't judge. Anyway, Sophie was joking around leaning in to kiss me. At least I thought she was.

I don't know why she was doing this; it might have just been a test, like the time she asked me out just to see what I would say. (I called her bluff and guessed she was joking) After a few hours of drinking, her leaning broke out in to tongues. Even though I used to like her, I felt myself rejecting her countless times, to my own and my friend Ozzy's surprise.

Me and Ozzy have been best friends ever since our ex-group split up, about 8 lads, all best friends, but it all disconnected when Bobby went out with Ozzy's ex-girlfriend, a day after they broke up. This forced us to pick sides, and I chose to go to Ozzy's side because I thought that Bobby wasn't funny and to be honest I never really liked him. This split saw me having to find new friends, which wasn't hard after meeting Soph, she was just the kind of person I could see myself being friends with.

Ozzy always thought I liked Sophie, and it wasn't hard to see why. I was always talking to her and she would always give me hugs. He always seems to remember when I said she was really hot about a week after I met her. Me and Oz discussed what was going on here with Soph as the two of us walked down to Tommy's house with Sophie and Jordon.

We could barely make out what the two girls were talking about on the way there, but on the way back Jordon whispered to me "She said that she used to really like you, but could never tell you because she had been rejected by Jo and she was scared of ever asking you out". This really took me by surprise. I would have never of guessed, if I had any idea I would have asked her out in a second.

At about 10:30, Jordon and Ben (best friends for years of the opposite sex) found themselves giving goodbye kisses to all of us instead of goodbye hugs, but it gets stranger, as they turned to walk away the two grabbed each other and their tongues met in front of all eight of us. This was very out of the blue. The two had been best friends since I could remember and nothing like this had ever happened between them.

I was shocked to hear Sophie mutter "I might go too, I think I should walk them two home" I was devastated, she was so much fun (Even if the past two hours had been dedicated to her making out with my closed mouth). I blurted out "Please don't go Sophie" and she replied with "Kiss me and I'll stay". Even though I no longer felt they way about her I had previously, I felt myself being drawn towards her and our tongues gathering in between lips.

Thinking back, I can't believe how quickly I jumped at any reason to keep her with me. All I remember of the next hour is all of us looking after our light-weight, in-the-closet friend Tango. Even though it was a pain I still obliged to keep at eye on him (mainly because I gave him the nickname Tango, which he hates.) (Probably too masculine.) (I add that I am very proud of this nick-name. His name is Thomas Angove) So then we all decided to trek to a more closed in area, so we could make a fire without attracting attention. On the journey Sophie was always waiting for me and Tango, which made me smile. Mine and her fingers linked as Tango shouted out "I like men". I looked into her eyes and realised just how beautiful she was, with her blue twinkling eyes staring straight back at me and the cute way she bit her bottom lip.

As we stopped for Ozzy to have a rest, who recently got over a broken ankle and now pulled a muscle in his opposite leg skateboarding, Sophie sat down next to me and smiled her beautiful smile at me, her long brown hair blown softly by the wind. Adam, a friend's cousin who was used to bad situations, brought us down a different route so he could hide all our alcohol from some nearby patrolling police. Down the alleyway, I felt an hand come across my stomach. Praying it wasn't Tango, I peered over my shoulder to get a peck on the cheek by Soph.

It just all felt right at the time, we didn't care about how awkward this would be at school on Monday, we just liked the time here, with each other. Reaching our destination, me and Soph, linked together again, shuffled through the tight gap and after I picked myself up from a bad fall over a log, turned into a little clearing perfect for all of us. I soon forgot about the strong pain in my ankle when she invited me towards her space and I quickly power walked in front of Tango to claim the little area.

This is my favourite part of the story, everyone was so happy, especially Tango surrounded by all the boys. It was here that I had the best kiss so far in my life. We all sat up to grab our shots when Sophie, sat back towards me, lent her head back onto my shoulder, opened her ravishing lips and there I spent about a minute of complete heaven.

This is where everything turned for me. I probably had too much about five shots ago, and Tango had too much about ten minutes into the trip. Yet I continued to drink, but forgetting she was quite a light-weight, kept on sharing my drinks with Soph. This is where I had to be filled in on some information by Billy, Adam's cousin. Adam, who had been funny all night began to get annoying in his perverseness, even mentioning that he would show Sophie his penis if she "got off' with him. If I wasn't so happy and drunk, of course I would have said something, but I just found it hilarious, especially when people pinned him down and ran off with his trousers and underwear.

Soph, getting slightly past tipsy now, led me by the hand to a secluded area where we kissed and I felt my belt be unbuckled and a gentle hand run down into my boxers. Even though this was exactly what I wanted at the time, I couldn't let it happen when we were like this. I mean, we were good friends, plus, I wasn't going to get naked in front of six guys. I muttered: "No Soph. I'm too drunk." Thankfully though, Ozzy's torchlight shone on to us and we had a chance to get out of this awkward situation.

Back down in our sleeping bags, she softly picked up my hand and placed it down her stomach. Honestly, if I was sober, this would never have happened, I had had too much and at this point I couldn't say no. I tenderly caressed her body and felt my hand being led down into her underwear. For the next few minutes I felt her body contort and I heard her soft, held back moans, until Tommy, a recent addition to this party, who had just got off work a few hours previous to this, asked "What's going on under there?" I placed both hands up in the air over the cover and replied "Not too much".

After about another hour of kissing and holding, I noticed that Soph was a lot worse than me. She was now horny. Very horny. She had realised I was not going do this here, so she became louder. Tommy, who would do anything for a girl, then agreed to show his penis if Soph would show her breasts. Fair? Not for me. I had to see the girl I had been previously been feeling up expose herself, and then even worse, see another guy's stuff. But that's not all. He said that the only way it wouldn't be gay is if she got it out for him.

I didn't seem that bothered at the time though, I still had a bottle of Vodka in hand and the bragging rights of smelly fingers. I was then cheered up slightly when she said "But I don't want to have sex with you Tommy. I only want to with Yoshi, but he won't". She then came and lay back down with me. That's a slight win for me there.

But still, Soph was still bad, and Waddy, who had been the sensible one, looking after everyone, did the sensible thing and rung for someone to come meet Sophie and take her home. I was losing out big time and worst of all; her mum couldn't see her like this, so she had to be picked up by her 19 year old, dole-ite ex-boyfriend.

But in the end I had had fun, even though Waddy was disappointed in me for giving in and kissing Soph, but I put up a good fight. And I had lost out on sex because there were too many guys around. And I still have a bad limp now, 2 days later because I fell over on a log. And I saw someone's dick, and Tango came on to me (Let's not get into that) , and I saw Jordon and Ben lip wrestle, even though they have never kissed, even after going out for 2 years in Year 4. And maybe I have to face the awkwardness between me and Soph at school tomorrow, but yeah, I had had fun.

It's now 18:32 and I am not out of bed yet, I have just been thinking about what I should say to Soph and I have spent over an hour writing this thing, which I don't think anyone will even see. The reason why I have wrote this, is so I can look back and see if I so actually like Sophie, should I ask her out? Should I ignore her? I'm just not sure what to do. What should I say if I do? "How "bout picking up where we left off"hehe" or be really sincere like: "The thing is, I think I like you. I mean, even though I was drunk and it took me a while to kiss you, at the time I was just really happy."

Argg" What to do, what to do.

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