“Oh god. She’s actually doing it. Why is she touching my hand? Her skin feels like warm silk, and I’m pretty sure my palm is sweating enough to drown a bug. Should I kiss her? Or is this a cuddle situation?

Maybe I can sneak my left hand over and just... anchor us together? What am I supposed to do?!

Think, brain, think! I’ve spent months rehearsing this exact scenario in my head, staring at the ceiling until 3:00 AM, but now that it’s happening, my mind is a blank static. Oh, here we go. She’s tilting her head. She’s looking right into my eyes, and the rest of the world is just melting away into the background.

Yes. This is it. She’s going to kiss me. This is my true love, right here. I can feel the ring box heavy in my pocket. I’m going to ask her. I’m going to propose, and she’s going to say yes, and we’ll never have to be apart again—”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Same dream, 7th time.

I stared at the ceiling, the ghost of her touch still tingling on my skin. Why does today feel so extraordinary? Ah, of course. Because today is the day the dream stops being a dream. It’s the first time I’m actually going to date a girl.

7:00 PM. A real table for two. Steak, maybe a bottle of the good wine, and definitely vanilla ice cream for dessert. I need to be perfect. I’ll just take a quick little nap now so I’m fresh for the evening.

I finally woke up at 3:00 PM, the afternoon sun bleeding through the curtains. I jumped out of bed, heart racing, and went to grab my best suit.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Hello? There’s a smell... it’s been a week, and it’s coming from my neighbor’s house. I think he went on a business trip and left his pet python behind. I think it starved to death.”

“Can you give us the address, ma’am?”

“190/11 Wall Street.”

“Officers will be there in ten minutes.”

Knock, knock.

“Officers? Did you check the house?” the woman asked. “What about the python?”

“There was no python, miss,” the officer said, his face grim. He held up a evidence bag. “Do you have anything to say about this ring?”

“Absolutely not,” she stammered.

“Did your neighbor borrow a rope from you recently?”

“No... oh, wait. Yes. He said he needed to tie something.”

“Did he return it?”

“No, officer. Not yet. Why? What has happened?”

“You’re under arrest,” the officer said, reaching for his cuffs. “We have questions about a murder.”

She was released later that day...........