Seasonal Greetings

Overheard in the waiting room of a local ER:

Hi, Mr. C.! I’m Dr. Erin. I’m assigned to your case. Got your results, and I must ask. How long have you smoked? You don’t smoke? Never did? (Looks over scans) That’s odd. Mr. C., your lungs are almost black. I only see that in heavy smokers.

So, what do you do? Work in chimneys? You mean like maintenance? Well, you may have to consider another career. Your lungs cannot handle another season of chimney soot. Lucky I see no emphysema or lung cancer. But, quitting your job is a matter of life and death.

Another thing. Who is your family doctor? Don’t have one? Let’s change that. Here’s a list of specialists who work with obesity . . . to be honest, Mr. C., you aren’t just tipping the scales. You weigh far more than what your body structure can support. All that weight is putting stress on the rest of your systems, your joints, blood pressure, lungs, and other functions. They are all stressed because of your obesity. To be blunt, unless you lose weight, you will shorten your life.

I am surprised I see no diabetes. Still, that suggests another course of action. There are some recent changes in weight loss drugs - and some are surprisingly effective. We give you several injections over a couple of months - Actually, I will show you how to use your own dosing pen.

Once a week for a month, then you double your weekly dose, for a second month. You will remain under my care until your injections are over, and for at least a month afterwards. Sometimes, a great amount of weight loss in too short of a time can cause other problems, such as gall stones, muscle loss, hormonal imbalances, and mood swings.

No, Mr. C. No more fat man jokes, I promise you! Yes, wardrobe changes may be necessary.

So, when you aren’t fixing chimneys, what do you do? Factory job? You oversee a plant? What do they make? Toys? Nice! So, wood, glue, plastics, and metals? Hazardous tools, materials? Paints and stains? Your factory is filled with them? Not good, Mr. C. Toxic exposures, industrial accidents, and worse.

Mr. C, you must consider another career. Not only is clambering on rooftops dangerous, the rest of your life is sedentary, in a poisonous factory, no less! Both contribute to your obesity and health issues. Ever consider selling insurance? What about politics? They don’t really do anything. Well, think about it. You must make serious life changes for your own good. Happy Holidays!