The Problem With Animal Planet

by Advencher Wynn

Some of us grew up absolutely loving Marlin Perkins and Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. It couldn't possibly hold a kid's attention today. We've even been desensitized to the reruns that we fell in love with. Half the show was literally just looking for crap.

His assistant Jim never staged an animal encounter for the improper anthropomorphic effect like every single "wildlife" doc does today. The only staged scene may have been when he got treed by a grizzly in the opening credits and that informed the pre Internet generation's entire life! Animals were not our friends. You do not have dominion over them. All you could do was respect them.

Why do you think you see all these tourists approaching wild animals? And all these fb boobs mindlessly calling them idiots when we have all experienced the same conditioning.Go on a safari in Africa and Kunta will drive you right up an elephants ass as he tells you it's name is Elizabeth. Because that's what we expect and that's what pays the most. Good lord if we see another "fat bear" post we may scream. Why not go to the Arctic and have a "Skinny Bear contest?" Aw! Look at Flaco this years winner of Skinny bear! Say goodbye, Flaco!

Most industrial nature docs today look like they're staged at Warner Brothers. They are more like fairy tales where every animal must have a human name to be relatable. It starts the rage to well up at "The Dissonant" when we see that guided lack of respect for nature. Watching a nature doc and believing that represents nature is about like watching 'Deep Throat' and believing that represents love. Kids make those connections.

The modern nature doc feels exactly like what the US does with everything it industrializes...it becomes too much of a good thing and starts to diminish everyone involved. Suggest to your kids that they turn that fake shit off and go sit silently and commune with the animals in the woods and (most importantly) the animals will let you be you...please give the animals the same respect. Nature docs are a facsimile that will never provide the moments of reflection that is so obviously needed and intended. There will never be an Emerson spawned by Animal Planet.. just zookeepers.



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