The Leprechaun in My Bathtub

By Foosballer

It was supposed to be a wonderful day. I got early leave from work today, and so I decided to treat myself. I picked up a Gold Bond Premium skin care and hydration. Once I got home, I put it in my bathroom cabinet for later. I had dinner and decided to watch some TV. There was Warick Davis’s Leprechaun marathon on I decided to watch. I fell asleep on my couch and woke up to a THUD! Thinking that the house was getting robbed or a squatter was trying to use my house a base of operations. I grabbed whatever I could use for an impromptu weapon. It was a motivational paper weight that said: “If you only had one day left what would you do?” Spurred by motivation, I ran up the stairs. Finally, making it to the last steps crawling; I slugged my way to the bathroom door and kicked it down with the last of my strength. That is when I saw it, struggle to get over the wall of the inner tub, a little green man. I dropped my paper weight; a metal chink drew the attention of the little green man. He looked at me and I at it. From his stature and his ginger hair this man was a leprechaun. He wore a tiny green beach shirt with shamrocks on it, and on his feet were little green crocs with a little pot of gold pin. Yet, he wore a peculiar tattoo on his hand, that of Captain America’s shield. Lastly on his head was a wee bucket hat that said, “Kiss me I am Irish.” We stared at each other with uncanniness in our eyes like two introverts on a first date. I shut the door and took a deep breath to compose myself from what I just witnessed. I slowly cracked open the door to assess the situation. When I opened the door, he was’t by the bathtub anymore, I cracked the door open little more. I stopped; the leprechaun was now at the foot of my bathroom sink. He had opened my cabinet and was scrounging around intently throwing my supplies as if they were blocking his way. Then, the leprechaun paused for a moment, his eyes grew big, and a cheeky smile appeared on his lips. The leprechaun pulled out a bottle from my cabinet, and he raised the bottle over his head in triumph. What he had in his hand was my Gold Bond hand lotion! Adrenaline surged through my veins as newfound strength entered me. All prior knowledge of what to do with a home invader went away as all power was redirected to my legs and feet, and so I flung open the door. I ran at full speed at the little man and jumped mid-way through my run and dropped kicked the little man through the window with a CRASH! And a THUMP! As the leprechaun landed on my neighbor’s Black Jeep Cherokee. I went to pick up my Gold Bond, but it was’t anywhere in the bathroom. That is when it hit me the leprechaun still had hold of it when he went out the window. So, I ran down the stairs and made my way towards the leprechaun. When I got outside, the leprechaun was unconscious on top of my neighbor’s Jeep. His little fingers were twitching, and his bucket hat covered his face. My eyes scanned the environment for my lotion. My eyes grew zoomed in on the leprechaun I started walking towards the leprechaun, reaching my arm out. My fingers stretched out to touch the bottle. When all the sudden the wee fellow jumped up straight like an arrow in one swift motion and bit my finger in one swift bite. In shock I lifted my hand and looked down to see that my whole finger was gone! I looked towards the leprechaun and saw that he was laughing! He stopped his laughter, and then recited a little phrase: “Didn’t your mother tell you it was rude to point?” I Was shocked in place, and thought “this man has quips loaded.” I quickly thought of comeback: “Oh, No you Leprecan’t.” My comeback was weak. The leprechaun paused then continued to laugh. I just walked off into my house tired, defeated and missing a finger I closed the door. I then called the government about this undocumented immigrant causing a ruckus. The Border patrol came to my block as if they were waiting around the corner. They asked if this little guy was the person to whom they were to detain. I nodded my head and showed them to where the leprechaun was. Border patrol cuffed the leprechaun. The leprechaun pleaded that he had a visa, but it was’t a golden visa. When that business was done. I went to grab my beloved Gold Bond hand lotion. I thought it was on my neighbor’s Jeep, but it was’t there. I searched high and low. Inside and outside the Jeep (sorry about the windows John). After an hour of frantic searching, I gave up the search and went inside my house. Turned off the TV went upstairs, slapped five band-aid stripes on my stump, and started to clean the broken glass on the bathroom floor. When working my way towards the bathtub something glinted in the tub. I walked cautiously to the tub and looked over the wall. In the tub was a pot full of gold bottled GOLD BOND Premium skin care and hydration. A single tear formed from my eye. I took the bottle from the pot and then fainted. I awoke in darkness. I never know what darkness felt like, but it felt like a thin blanket on my skin. I started to panic and moved. I kept moving still struggling in this eternal darkness until light fell on my face. I saw it, I moved toward the light, the darkness was breaking away like light at the end of the tunnel. Like a whale jumping for air, I was the same for light. With a sigh and a deep inhale, I opened my eyes and saw that I was in my bathroom. Yet everything was bigger than usual, my bathtub, my toilet, and my cabinet. I felt a cool chill between my legs. I looked down and saw that I was naked. My thoughts raced, why was my bathroom huge and why am I naked!! I stepped back words and looked and felt something on my foot. I looked down on my shirt then my pants and shoes. I ran towards my mirror, and that is when I saw it, I was leprechaun.