SHORT STORY:

                      NEUROSIS AND THE DREAM GIG

By Robert DePaolo

Beneath her yearbook photo was the caption - student most likely to recede. She had always been shy…make that “introverted.” Shy…connotes occasional withdrawal in social situations whereas the word introvert suggests a more permanent tendency to hide under the covers in virtually all circumstances). In her youth this often led to significant need deprivation. Few parties attended, no dates, and constant donning of sunglasses as a shield against both the sun and self- revelation.

As she grew older Melanie adjusted. Freud once wrote that even in neurotic states, the person will seek and discover adaptations and that if one chooses to escape the vicissitudes of the outside world- no need to worry because experience can be symbolized. Case in point.

It was a cold winter evening and beneath the comfort of her therapeutic tactile blanket- shifting Images ran through Melanie's mind. A dream unfolded. Freud proposed that all dreams have meaning and some sort of restorative purpose. Perhaps that is true because in this moment a sudden change in dream imagery enabled Melanie Hargrove to transition from an agoraphobic lass to center stage at the Flip Flop Comedy Club.

There was no prelude to this in the dream. She was just THERE, plopped down before a less than enthusiastic audience. "Dream Melanie" was compelled to do a most difficult thing - make a group of strangers laugh. It was a rather overwhelming task for someone trapped for years within the web of phobic withdrawal. Still, the dream proceeded.

A young couple sat in the front row as Melanie began her routine. "Good evening, ladies, gentlemen and the vast majority of you who don't seem to fit into either category. This is my first comedy gig. The only other time I performed in front of an audience was when I suffered a panic attack during a yard sale." (No laughter).

Ambiance was lacking. A young couple started making out while an older fellow in the back row issued a heartfelt request: "When are the girls coming out?" Melanie - dream state Melanie - saw an opportunity to ad lib. "To the old gentleman in the back; the strippers will be out after my act. which will be in about twenty minutes. Unfortunately, that might be past your bedtime" (Still no laughter). Melanie pressed on. "I see there are two lovers up front here engaging in some sort of precoital activity. I am usually offended when the audience ignores my act. On the other hand, I am a great believer in romance, so I want you to continue kissing. We can just substitute rim shots with lip smacking to highlight my punchlines."

Now there was laughter- even from the young amorous couple whose lips temporarily disengaged. One member of the audience cried out: "Bravo." Melanie replied: "Bravo? What am I, a bull fighter?" (More laughter). Another suddenly engrossed audience member opined: " You're terrific Melanie - we don't need the strippers" "You're absolutely right," said Melanie. "They come out here. dance around and men stuff money into their panties. I wonder - do they spray the bills with a disinfectant before handing them over to a store clerk? Would you accept payment from someone who kept his money in his pants?”

Now on a roll, she continued. ‘Regarding the strippers; I've got some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that the strippers won't be performing tonight. The good news is that they will be back next week after the new, anti- bacterial, gluten free, heart healthy, poles are installed." (More laughter). "By the way, isn't it impressive how they can climb up and down those poles? Sort of reminds you of a silicon fireman."

Now Melanie was really on a roll. Laughter and applause permeated the Flip Flop. A vociferous, girthy fellow up front put two fingers in his mouth and whistled at the top of his lips. Melanie took notice. "Well, I would like to thank the gentleman from the Audubon society for that warm reception." By the way: don't worry about your receding hair line. It's an indicator of higher intelligence. Plus, it’s easier to see you at night" Things continued to go well.

But now - as the dream faded into the wakefulness of stage three sleep, Melanie tossed and turned. Her eyes opened gingerly to the piercing sunlight that shone through her bedroom window. She sat up in her bed, thought for a moment, then lay down again - covers over her head. There was a flash of the usual anxiety. She dearly wanted to get up and go out but pathology created a barrier and she needed a ploy - a new strategy beyond the suggestion by her therapist that she use self-talk to overcome her fear of leaving the house.

Melanie had tried that, to no avail. Her shrink had advised: "You can do it Mel. It's a beautiful world out there, Mel. The danger is all in your head Mel. Just talk yourself into taking the first step out the door and your fear will abate Mel." Nothing! She was still frozen, psychologically paralyzed and seemingly destined to remain an indoor girl for all time.

Then came an insight. Melanie traded her shrink's advice for the inspiration provided by a muse (really just alter ego Melanie). She began speaking to the "muse" while looking into a mirror. She asked: "Why am I so afraid to leave the house?" The muse replied: " Because the guy next door is probably a serial killer and even as we speak, you're probably being stalked by a man with a hump in his back and a tattoo of Robert Blake on his bicep. And that wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact terrorists have planned another attack on a financial building - do you know those 911 guys took flying lessons for a year? If all you're going to do is crash into a building, why take flying lessons? At least skip the parts about landing, wheels down, and reporting to the tower on incoming traffic. Save your money, spend it on a new smartphone where you can watch movies on a two by four inch screen that makes even Al Pacino look tall."

Melanie found herself laughing at the “muse’s” comment. Is it possible a therapist could be replaced by absurdity? It was a beginning. She then asked the muse: “But if there are dangers out there isn't it safer to just remain at home?" The muse replied: "Of course, assuming you won't need sexual gratification from time to time." Melanie laughed. "Good point muse, but I can do without sex." The muse replied: You still have to get the mail." "Another good point," said Melanie. As she continued to laugh, the mirror began to fog up. She could not see her reflection clearly and mentioned that to the muse, who replied. "Sometimes it isn't a question of not seeing yourself as it is of seeing yourself in a different light." "That is rather abstract," said Melanie. "What are you implying?" The muse replied: "Get the hell out of here." They invented doors to open as well as shut"

It worked. Melaine hopped out of bed, dressed up and ventured out into the light of day. Once out on the street she looked behind her. There was a man with a hump in his back, but he was not stalking her, simply crossing the street to enter a Planet Fitness facility. Contrary to her therapist's contention It was not a beautiful world. There was litter in the street. Loud noises burst forth from cars, trains and there was an apparent spat going on between a man and a woman, both wearing head bands. But while there was ample aggravation there was no danger, and Melanie decided she could live with the duress of everyday life if it came down to it. She figured, there ls no point in being frightened if life is ridiculous.