An Unlikely Vote of Confidence

(cw: passive suicidal contemplation)

Torrential downpour. The beginnings of monsoon season.

Islands regarded highly for their natural beauty and the alleged economic prosperity supposed tourism brings about. Only the tourists felt like mocking caricatures of foreigners from distant lands that did not understand how truly precious the nature of Hawai'i was. In fact, it made them sick. It made them feel sick to their stomach what evil forces had destroyed these lands that should have been left untouched by colonizers long ago.

Nestled on the coast of Wailea Beach was a cluster of palm trees barely visible beyond the heavy rain from the nearest resort. And if you look closer, you’ll see them right underneath, slumped in despair against the trunks. A small framed figure with long dark hair drenched down their back, wearing a maroon t-shirt and linen shorts that now stuck to their flesh in the force of the wind.

Kai let out a guttural scream into what felt like the void. Unbridled wails carried away by the thunder. They knew they shouldn’t be out here. They knew the storm could pick up, and probably would any moment now. They knew that if or when the storm picked up, there was a very likely chance the tides would come in to swoop them into the depths of the ocean where they would be brought to the sweet permanent slumber they so desperately desired.

Maybe it’s time. Maybe it’s today. No one would care. No one would go looking for me. I could rest. I could finally rest.

The weight of the world had become too exhausting for them and they didn’t know quite how to handle it all. Not all alone.

Not all alone.

But beyond the wails and torrential downpour…beyond the crashing of the waves and the thunder…there was something…eerie.

The feeling came on very abruptly. It was so jarring that Kai stopped crying immediately.

They scrambled to their feet, holding on tight to a trunk to balance themselves. Their heart began to race and they felt the most unsettling pit in their stomach. A feeling that something sinister was fast approaching, no - it was right in front of them.

Kai felt their breath stolen away when they could make out the figure dredging out of the water with an unearthly gait. Their eyes widened, heart trying to pound out of their chest. They couldn’t move. They couldn’t breathe.

Paralyzed at the sight of the…the thing crawling out of the water.

Slender pale legs reminiscent of dolphin skin but with dexterous claws grabbing at the sands as this thing worked its way out of the water. Its body slithered out of the water entirely and it rose with four almost dainty doe-like limbs, standing tall to the height of maybe eight or nine feet. Four legs like that of a deer with a serpentine tail featuring a multitude of fins swishing back and forth and back and forth. Its head…it’s head.

I am going to die.

I am going to die, I am going to die. This isn’t real, this isn’t real.

Its head, tucked into its body at first began to rise. Similarly lithe like its delicate limbs but then it began to open.

What was a giraffe-like neck coming to a point without any facial features now began peeling back like a grotesque banana. What it gave way to was…nothing. And they meant nothing.

The opening gave way to a void. There was no light. No color. No life.

Only void.

The void-faced creature began to approach Kai, taking painfully slow and careful steps in the now intensely slippery sands.

It was at this point that Kai’s self preservation kicked in and they turned and ran as fast as their legs would allow but they were too close to the coast, the sand here was too wet from the rain, too wet from the ocean. There was a heaviness that Kai could feel themselves sinking into with each and every step. They were never going to be able to outrun this thing.

Tripping feebly on an upturned root, Kai turned around waiting in sheer terror for the creature to do whatever it was going to do.

But the creature stood still.

The void of its face had returned to that of a…a…a closed gray dolphin skinned banana. It was the best way Kai could describe it. They couldn’t figure out how it sensed anything. Definitely with touch and maybe with some cosmic power beyond their comprehension. It didn’t have visible eyes or ears or a nose. It was just its flesh body and neck, legs, and tail.

The feeling of dread began to dissipate for some reason Kai couldn’t place.

They had, after all, just witnessed something so beyond comprehension, so terrifying and dreadful…yet, they now felt a sense of calm wash over them.

The creature began to approach again.

Dainty and delicate, its neck upright now as it walked, a semblance of a snout arched over towards Kai’s face.

I have encountered many a human being in my lifetime. Rarely any with a soul quite like yours.

Kai jumped, startled at what they imagined could only be coming from in their head. An ethereal voice. Inhuman but not…

Monstrous? I am not a monster. I am as you are. Eternal and persistent. An unknown force to many, desiring to be understood but accepting it may never be so.

“Wh-wh-what are you?” Kai managed to stammer.

Does it matter?

“I-I guess not,” Kai gulped.

The storm had begun to calm. A heavy drizzle now. Hints of the sunset peered through the gray clouds.

The thing about encountering souls like you possess…The creature tilted its head, a universally obvious curiosity.

Every human has the capacity to build such a soul as they hone their life-force in their bodies. That capacity is not a rarity. It is what someone does with that capacity that brings about this…light.

Kai involuntarily let out a dry scoff, “Light? I feel…I-I’ve felt nothing but darkness”

To feel and to be are not one and the same.

“I…yeah, I guess I see that,” Kai began to stand. They looked up at the towering creature. There was something otherworldly but serene about the space the two beings shared. Human and other.

You have much left to give. I dwell in the cosmos but sometimes, Earth calls me, beckoning me to visit. I grant you permission to call on me. Do not use this lightly. But I trust you won’t. Open your eyes, Kai, to the things in front of you. You have much left to give. I trust you will not waste your life-force in this life or wherever after.

Kai stood speechless.

The creature turned and began slinking away into the water as the rain came to a halt. The waves lapped at the shore. The white foam crests taking with it this being as the last traces of it disappeared into the ocean.

Kai returned home that night. Their sister began to raise her voice on the sight of them walking in. Too stunned to say anything, they let their sibling fuss and dote and give them warm soup. Kai washed the sand off of their body, changing into the warm dry linens offered by their sister. They could understand that she was asking questions. They could even register what questions she was asking.

“Where were you? Do you know how dangerous that was - you were gone for so long, I thought something had happened and -”

Suddenly, Kai returned to the earth. They were in their home. At the dining table. With their sister. She was waiting for answers but the only answer Kai had for her, in a trembling breath, was, “I have much left to give.”

(full novel available free to read )