As The Bobbin Turns, Episode 1: “Frankly speaking”

(Satirical look at some stories, some people…)

Character(s):

Frank Sutton: a work friend, regular friend, colleague, eventual direct report & horse’s rear

Ben (I): story told through the eyes of Ben. Friend of Frank for a time.

Leadership Team Member (LTM): once manager of Frank.

Not long after the site started an extended growth period, more expertise was needed in many areas. Lots of expansion and many new faces. Frank Sutton was hired with hopes that he would be a go-getter. He was charming enough, capable enough, but lacked the drive to be a regular high performer. He did some things well. Others not, unless his manager followed up routinely. Frank made friends fast.

Soon, many work folks tailgated together. Turns out, Frank’s interests in people were many times or most times motivated by gaining favor, especially at work. He had some self-confidence issues coming out of high school and college. He gained more confidence as he aged. He became friends with Ben and began doing some things together after about a year. They tailgated, helped each other with errands, etc. Regularly talked about church and stuff. As Frank would drink, it was evident he was jealous of Ben. Ben had a lot of women friends. Ben was not interested in a serious relationship in those years. When Frank drank too much, he made snide comments to Ben and sometimes to his women friends. The first example is when Frank saw Ben on the tailgate of his truck with an attractive friend. Frank was not happy. Later that tailgate, Frank, drunk, jumped all over Ben stating he did not have permission to sit on his tailgate. Frank was not happy. Really. Wow. What a little boy he became when drunk.

A few weeks later, Ben took two of his best women friends to the tailgate. As Frank got drunk, again, he looked at those attractive ladies and said, “what do you see in Ben? I don’t see it. He has a huge forehead! He’s not that good looking. Why do y’all hang out with him?” We left his drunk self. Fast forward to later in the football season, Frank, drunk again, and late leaving the tailgate for the start of the game, looked at Ben’s friend and said, “I could never date you. Your tits are too small”. Ben quickly diffused the situation and left the tailgate. A couple of years later, Ben finally talked the same lady into tailgating again. She asked if Frank would be there. Ben said yes. She reluctantly agreed. Minutes after arriving at the tailgate, Frank’s wife slid over so the lady friend could sit next to her. Frank said, “you better keep sliding, her ass is bigger than that!”. Frank’s wife gave him a hard time and Frank said, “but she does have a big ass.” Never again would Ben or his friend tailgate with Frank; jerk.

Frank and his wife would eventually separate. Ben tried to get him to give it some more time, but he wouldn’t. During his first month of separation, he bragged that he had slept with his estranged wife, his wife’s boss, one of his wife’s colleagues and that he also had a new girlfriend. He would regularly brag to work buddies about his new girlfriend and their sexual exploits. He is a talker, for sure. Oddly, people didn’t call him a player but regularly called Ben a player even though Ben was only hanging with lady friends. Then again, Frank was a bit crazy, and folks were afraid to cross him. The toughest guy on site lied to Frank’s girlfriend when she asked him if Frank was sharing their private information. The tough guy said no. He was afraid of Frank. Said Frank was crazy.

Frank moved into a new apartment. When his new girlfriend came over, one of the employees at work saw them together. The next time at work, Frank told that person that he would get them fired if they ever told anyone he was dating Mae Questel. Of course, several heavy hitters at work found out about Frank’s threat and reassured them this would never happen. Frank’s diabolical side continued to show.

Frank had two strategies for landing women due to his confidence issues. First was to just hang around until they made him go away. He targeted women with low self-esteem. This landed him his wife. Second was to be really nice to women in turmoil and struggling with some emotional pain.

To get sympathy during his separation Frank would tell women that he and his wife struggled after a later term miscarriage. He said this was partly to blame for the breakup. Oddly, prior to the breakup, he would tell people it brought them closer together. He also told some work friends that Ben had slept with his wife, and this was another reason they split up. Just another one of his many lies.

Frank became more crazed when he thought he figured out that Ben dated his girlfriend previously. Frank looked at the company cell phone records without approval. Frank had been over to Ben’s and saw he had lots of filing to do with his personal and business paperwork. He offered that he had a college student, Charles, from church that really needed money. Ben hired Charles. At some point, Ben saw there were tik marks on his cellular phone bills (in the filing system) by each number as if Charles was accounting for them. The next day he saw the imprint on a notepad of where Charles had copied Ben’s cell numbers from his cell bills onto paper. A few days later, Ben confronted Charles about it. Ben promised not to tell Frank. Charles admitted Frank asked him to get those cell phone numbers. Frank said he was worried Ben was hanging out with the wrong people/person and that he wanted to make sure Ben was ok as a ‘Christian brother’. During this time, Frank rode by Ben’s house numerous times to see if his girlfriend was still seeing Ben. This was in addition to his random drunk crazy texts to Ben on weekends. Wild that he got so jealous about it. Oddly, and hypocritical, this woman asked Ben not to date anyone else at her work as she said it would be emotionally too difficult for her. Ben agreed to do so as long as he worked there. However, she began dating someone from her site within months. As this theme continues, you’ll find many of the women or all of the women in this soap opera to be hypocritical and to do what’s good for them even if it goes against their own rules.

After this, Frank remained jealous and continued to spread rumors about Ben. This caused a lot of angst with Ben’s lady friends. Frank and Ben, along with the LTM, sat down on a business trip and talked to Frank about these rumors. Frank admitted he spread the rumors but he actually really thought Ben was sleeping with all those women because they were always ”laughing and joking around”. Frank agreed to stop the rumors. He stopped for a while but he couldn’t help himself and started back some years later.

Years later, Frank was not only seeing Mae Questel, but he started seeing Betty Boop as well. Betty was recently separated but eventually reunited with her husband. Both worked in the same building. When Mae found out, Frank blamed Ben for Mae finding out. Not a pleasant situation for Frank. Frank was furious. Made all sorts of threats to others regarding what he was going to do to Ben. Two of Frank’s employees approached HR because they were afraid for Ben’s safety. After months of investigation, HR & the LTM crafted a letter, containing material information/evidence and intended to send it to the company attorney. Ben was able to convince the LTM not to send it to the company attorney because Frank would surely lose his job, the site would be divided, and who knows what Frank would have attempted to do to hurt Ben. Mae would have been devastated, and Ben didn’t want her to suffer this. As part of the deal, Ben agreed not to socialize with Frank nor mention his name outside of work. Ben also agreed to leave the site as he was already looking for another job. Frank made threats, when drinking, about all sorts of harm he would bring to Ben. Ben was a peacemaker by nature and was going to leave the site anyway. More than 10 people confirmed Frank’s disdain and threats towards Ben. The investigation is likely still in the HR file room, including the investigation interviews. The draft letter to the company attorney may be on the HR drive.

Ironically, Ben had looked out for Frank many times but Frank always blamed Ben for the slow progress in his career. Three of four performance cycles, Ben had recommended Frank for ‘very good’ ratings. This was mostly due to his department’s company setting records and being the best in the company in several areas. Yes, his team did it. But Frank was the manager. Two of Frank’s supposed friends are the ones that gathered support and rallied management to force Frank’s rating to a ‘standard’ on two different occasions. Frank has no idea his friends did this to him. (he still hangs out with one of them today) He always blames Ben. Helen of HR rallied the leadership team one year and the LTM the other. It would not have been appropriate to tell Frank that his friends were not his friends at work. (they were just doing their jobs but they weren’t strong enough to tell Frank what they thought… they let Frank continue to think Ben was the issue) After calibration, Ben inquired as to why they felt so strongly against Frank. Helen of HR, and the LTM, in different years, both said, basically, the same thing about Frank. They thought he was full of crap and a little lazy. The LTM rarely supported Frank after the reporting relationship changed unless it was to his benefit or unless Frank was part of the conversation. Both were a little leery about Frank.

Frank always blamed Ben for his slow career progression but Ben recognized him when appropriate and volunteered him for some good opportunities. Also, two site directors wanted Frank to be moved back into project engineering. Ben defended Frank and would not support moving Frank into project engineering. Also, two management team leaders pushed multiple times to have Franked moved into project engineering. One of them was his ex-girlfriend, Betty Boop. She came one day with an entire page of reasons to move him out of his current role. After an hour listening to Betty Boop, Ben told her he would consider. Two days later Ben told her he didn’t support it. Two times the Engineering director came with the same request. He made similar arguments as Betty Boop. Ben did not support it. Ben heard Frank was eventually moved because he was lazy and he and some of his team could hardly work a full week. Ben saved Frank 5 times from being moved into a job he didn’t want. Now he’ll know who really didn’t support him. In general, most people felt as if Frank was a little lazy and a little bullshitter. He could perform well when his manager kept tabs on him and knew how to motivate him. Ben provided a recommendation and list of achievements to his boss before he left the company in efforts to get him to interview Frank for his old job. But people let Frank think Ben didn’t support him. This was never the case. They never seriously considered him for the promotion, unfortunately.

Frank still isn’t over his jealousy and hard feelings towards Ben. He can’t go an entire year without regularly running Ben into the ground while also blaming his own lack of success on Ben. Now you can see, his lack of support came from his work friends, not Ben. They just weren’t strong enough to give him honest feedback. What kind of friends are they? Ben and Frank had an agreement to not spread rumors. Frank did not honor once Ben left the company. His so-called friends, to this day, let Frank think Ben held him back. Also the head of HR, at the time, was not a fan of promoting Frank. There are more acute stories and things to write about Frank but we’ll leave this for another day. You get the picture. He still spends quality time with his ex-wife. Hopefully, one day, they will reunite permanently.

Continue below and you will see “Helen of HR” transition to “Helen of Joy”.

As The Bobbin Turns, Episode 2a: “Helen of Joy”

(Satirical look at some stories, some people…)

Character(s):

Helen: a work friend, regular friend, casual romantic relationship leading to a serious committed relationship. An incredibly amazing woman.

Ben: Helen’s work friend, regular friend, and eventual boyfriend.

And Ben saw Helen walking in that day. That day was her first day at the company. Ben was excited to possibly have a star professional in her role. As he saw her walking in, he could feel her confidence and power that she would bring to the site as well as the promise of a better organization. Ben saw her leave the first day. It was only by coincidence that Ben saw her coming and going. It must have been foreshadowing of a great professional relationship to come. He had limited interaction with her that first week but he was impressed and looked forward to working with her. Ben was more impressed that she cut out early or worked a short week in order to spend time with her family. Made Ben feel she had her priorities straight. As time was moving and they had more interaction, she was the preferred person Ben wanted to work with. Her boss would regularly remind him to work with herself instead of Helen on things. But Helen was just so timely, practical and action oriented. Helen got her stuff done and done well. Helen was guarded, as someone in her role should be to prevent personal conflicts in the future. However, they had to work together on many issues and occasionally she would share more than just work stuff with Ben. Ben developed quite an appreciation for her. He enjoyed working with her. It was professional and effective without drama or wasted time. She tattled on Ben to the site head once for sharing some information with his team that upset another team. (long story) He didn’t know Helen that well at the time. Her tattle tailing got him written up (verbal warning) for the first and only time in his life. Helen desired to keep herself out of trouble. She takes her job seriously. Ben never held that against her. He always does the right thing, at least eventually, and Ben thought it was the right thing to slightly disobey the site leader. Before that site leader left the site, he apologized for writing up Ben and said he was in the wrong as what Ben did benefited the employees more, kept them calm and was appropriate.

Back to Helen. She became more and more of a star the more they worked together. Ben was not attracted to Helen at this point because he’s rarely attracted to someone until he begins to ‘like’ them in a dating way. Don’t let him steer you wrong. He knows what an attractive woman looks like. He thought she was attractive but was not attracted to her. In the months leading up to the time Ben departed the company and, in the weeks when she knew Ben was leaving, she was much more open than she had ever been before. He could feel some chemistry. She teared up once when sharing about her surgery and she put her hand on his wrist and held it for a few moments. He was moved. Another time, she also made some comments during another conversation that surprised him. Her husband had to keep her situated a certain way with certain things so she would not cat around. Ben didn’t judge her. He had his own skeletons.

Not long after leaving the company, they started FB messaging more and more and the frequency continued to increase. She’s such a great writer and she made him feel as if she was speaking in person. Her messages were always refreshing, unrestricted, and it felt like Ben got to know her better each month. His affinity continued to grow but not in a ‘dating’ way, yet. He was honored that she chose him as a friend. She, numerous times, invited Ben to have lunch with her, gave him her cell phone digits a number of times, invited him to join her for dinner when on business travel, and told him she missed him and missed their conversations. Ben never took her up on these invitations because she was married. He wanted to but knew that would be dangerous. He began to like her. He always assumed the messages were friendly and didn’t have any other motive. Looking back, it does seem a little much but he was not judging. Most married men would not approve of her relationship with Ben.

In the next couple of years, she got divorced and told Ben through messenger. She hadn’t told people at work yet. Ben, again, was honored that she shared with him. He always saw her as such a strong and stable person with so much to offer as a friend, as a person. They would meet for dinner that year but his focus was to catch up and learn about potential options to return to the site as his current job was stress filled and he loved working at his old site. He often thought about asking her on a date but wasn’t ready to date someone he knew he could fall in love with. He had many things and baggage to work through before he would get there emotionally. After this, they remained pen pals on FB messenger; continuing to grow/share. When he moved back to the area, Ben was really interested in dating Helen. Helen pretended to have a boyfriend the first real time Ben asked her out. Although, they had coffee/bagels at her place one morning the year before, as friends, but she wasn’t interested, or it seemed as if she wasn’t. This didn’t discourage Ben. He made up his mind he would try another time or two before giving up. Fortunately for Ben, she did accept his next offer. In the first three months they talked a tremendous amount about everything under the sun and especially his dating life. She had more than 50 questions, probably closer to 100, regarding his past dating life. Ben didn’t mind answering her questions as he thought highly of Helen and knew she must have had some difficult times in her past relationships. It was fun and casual. What he didn’t expect was that she was going to be so much more than he ever imagined. Ben knew she was smart, a great conversationalist, fun, etc. But found her to be super intelligent, so insightful, knows stuff about most anything, and was such a quick learner. She also made quick decisions, which Ben loves. She was organized and neat and decorated perfectly. She is physically strong, especially for her size. She doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty. When they heavily trimmed a tree in her front yard, she was eager and helped like it was nothing. They liked the same foods, enjoyed the same entertainment/music, and so many other wonderful things. Even their laundry detergent is the same. She was pragmatic and practical more than any woman Ben ever spent time with. She was at ease on a boat and new exactly what to do. The more he got to know her the more attractive she became to him. He loves her voice! He could listen to her for hours and hours.

Evidently, she believed all the lies/rumors Frank Sutton and others had told about Ben to indicate he was a ‘player’. Of course, as you’ll see, he never was a ‘player’. Ben had some moments that he’s not proud of. Most included drinking. But he never chased a ‘skirt’ in his life. Ben did have a number of wonderful women friends. This made people think whatever they thought. And Ben really wasn’t interested in a committed relationship much of his post-divorce life, so this led to many thinking he just wanted to play around. That was never his intention.

After a few months, Helen and Ben were hanging out at her house talking (his favorite thing to do with her), both on the sofa, and she looked at Ben and said, “you are nothing like I thought you would be”. Ben took this as a compliment because she thought he was just going to be the guy that wanted to have some drinks, a few laughs, etc. Not Ben. Never was a thing for him. He returned the compliment and told her how much more impressed he was with her, and Ben already thought the world of her. She had a lot going on with work and other stuff, so they only saw each other about once a week. (She was committed to something that took another 10 – 30 hours of her time each week) Ben would have done more but this was about all she was available. As they were into this thing for about 5 months, and following the boundaries she asked for, Ben told her how he felt about her. His feelings had grown. He wasn’t looking for anything more but he needed to keep his promise and let her know his feelings had, in fact, changed. It stung a little that she didn’t feel the same way. So, Ben started backing away, emotionally. Helen got into a busy period and asked that they take two weeks off so she could get caught up and not be stressed. No problem. Ben understood. After those weeks went by, and Ben started weaning himself off, she reversed her interests and started asking Ben to go to the mountains, to the beach, and was more of the driver of them doing stuff. Ben welcomed it but he still continued to back away emotionally. They had some great times. Ben began to appreciate her more and more every week… discovered new things about her and thoroughly enjoyed their time together. After about 10 months, it became too much for Helen. Ben believes he triggered her by joking about moving in and living together. He was joking, for real. Then she asked to slow things way down. It was a little difficult, but Ben had already spent the last 5 months backing away, emotionally. So, it wasn’t as bad and he took the high road. She was a wonderful person and Ben did want to continue the relationship. He understood where she was coming from with her busy schedule, her site was being bought by another company, and she had obligations to her family as she is a stand-up mom, daughter, and grandma. The next year they still saw each other some, texted/messaged a lot; a very endearing, enjoyable, supportive and fun relationship. Before Ben left his last job, he kind of dropped the texting/messaging just so he could move on. He knew it would be difficult to date while still being close to Helen. Ben tried dating some but his heart just wasn’t in it. It was difficult to imagine going out with someone when Ben’s heart was still attached to Helen and the wonderful times they had. Ben stopped dating and worked on himself. He also did some counseling to prepare himself for whatever his next relationship would bring. This was extremely helpful for him. Helen was off the charts amazing in so many ways. Ben felt honored that she chose him to spend time with. She could have picked so many others to share her time with. He felt special even though they didn’t intend to spend a lot of time together.

A number of months into the next year, Helen texted Ben about needing to talk. They had some fun texting and then talked about work stuff and about them getting together to celebrate some things. They had two marvelous dinners: one at her house and one at the Angus Barn. She told Ben he was a good kisser, so he took this as she was interested again. She seemed more at ease than normal because she had more free time and wanted to travel, enjoy herself more, and so forth. She asked Ben if he would be willing to travel with her. But, after a few ‘dates’, the chemistry started to develop and within a few months, they were feeling things neither had felt in a long time. They were falling in love and falling fast. Ben was still cautious, as he normally was but then dove in headfirst. Why not? She’s incredible, he loves her, and he would, for the first time in 20 years, put his efforts into making a committed relationship successful. It felt good, not scary. She became his Ms. America. Literally he thought of her as the most beautiful woman in the world. His attraction to all parts of her personality, interests, etc. grew exponentially. For the first time he had this combination of mature love, high school puppy love, commitment, desire to protect her, make sure she wasn’t stressed, wanted to help her with projects and all kinds of stuff. This is the first time Ben’s love was unconditional since he was married. There was never a question if Ben would be there when she needed him, look after her if she was ever terminally ill like in the movie The Notebook. Ben would love her whether she was 100 lbs or 400 lbs. Ben had no reservations that he would love her for the rest of his life, regardless of the circumstances or situation. It felt good. She brought up marriage several times. Made Ben feel good. Every time, in other relationships, that this was mentioned in the previous 20 years it would scare the crap out of Ben. Not this time. He was all-in. They had such great times with family, beach trips, her advising on renovations, and all kinds of wonderful things/experiences/etc. Ben enjoyed cooking with her many nights each week. So many times, while in the kitchen, she would look up at Ben with those gorgeous eyes and smile a certain way. It melted his heart every single time. It is a good thing she didn’t ask Ben for anything after giving him those looks because he surely would have given her absolutely anything she wanted! Someone once said of Ben, “you never fall completely out of love with people, your heart just gets bigger to let others in”. This was true until Ben fell in love with Helen. His love grew so large with Helen that it pushed any remaining love he had for others out, leaving so much space to love Helen as she deserved. She deserved to be loved and treated the right way. She had a lot of turmoil and bad fortune in her life. Ben is so proud of what she accomplished and for the woman she became given all the awful circumstances she endured.

Ben had to pinch himself as he really enjoyed what he and Helen had developed. They were both independent and they made sure they did their own things. Magical. Of course, it was easier for Ben because he wasn’t as busy. He still saw his buddies and so forth. He looked forward to every moment with Helen. She is not the typical woman. Yes she needed to blow off work steam from time to time but she didn’t complain, she was open to ideas/resolutions, which is rare vs. most women. When she was stressed, she recognized it and didn’t take it out on Ben when she got home from work. She gave him many compliments personally and about their relationship. Made Ben feel incredibly good! She thanked Ben for not giving up on her even though she wanted to back things down after their previous relationship. She said her home life was much better as she had something to look forward to after work. She said Ben helped keep her calm and that he was good for her. He so loved sitting next to her on the sofa at nights, sharing in some good bourbon, and maybe rubbing each other’s back or neck after a long day. By this point, they had shared just about everything about their lives with one another. They agreed to have no judgement for anything they did prior to them becoming a couple. That was easy for Ben as Helen was so incredibly awesome to him every day. Thoughtful and loving but not mushy. Just the right amount of attention but not overwhelming. Her texts would make Ben feel so good every day, especially when she would text, “what’s my honey doing?”. He loved this one! Ben felt like he was treating her the same way; mature yet exciting. Rare and precious. He knew they had something special. They even developed a long-term travel plan of destinations that would take them many years into the future. Although they spoke as if they would marry soon, in the back of his mind he knew it was best to date seriously for two years first. But he could have been quickly talked into marrying at the courthouse on any given day or in Vegas! He could not think of anyone else he would rather be with and he could not dream of a more perfect partner. At this point in the relationship, Ben had just ordered a new Lexus GX black w/ saddle interior for her to drive (owned by Ben but for her to drive) and got his first tattoo with her nickname just as she signed his Christmas card that year. He also designated some funds that would be dedicated to her so she could retire early and ordered some rings.

Early in the relationship, Ben was praying, and this poem came to him:

“Lord, how will I know when you send the right one for me?”

She will have imperfections, but you will never notice

She will be strong and intelligent

Her eyes will be enchanting and powerful

Her love will be magical

Her touch will be the sweetest you’ve ever felt

You’ll listen in awe to every word she shares

Your commitment will be unwavering

Your love for her shall be endless

She will delight your heart and mind in every way

Her family will love you and yours will love her

And… I will bless this union

Stay tuned for the next episode…

As The Bobbin Turns, Episode 2b: “Helen of KillJoy”

(Satirical look at some stories, some people…)

Character(s):

Helen: a work friend, regular friend, casual romantic relationship leading to a serious committed relationship. An incredibly amazing woman.

Theodore Roosevelt (TR) aka PsychoBoy: acquaintance of Helen from SC. Recent Ex boyfriend of a friend of Ben’s.

Segunda: close friend to Helen

Uno: best friend to Helen

Ben: now ex-boyfriend of Helen

Well, if you predicted a Kamikaze ending, you are correct. Wow. Even with Ben’s creative mind he never would have guessed. Ben felt pain like he had never experienced. Brutal. Impacted him physically and emotionally. Ben was able to get out of the obligation to buy the Lexus and after the ‘final’ breakup, he had the tattoo removed. She never saw the tattoo and she wasn’t aware of the Lexus or the other stuff. Ben wondered how he could have been so wrong while at the same time been so excited to share his life with Helen and do nice things for her. The grey hair and wrinkles from this stress started coming immediately. What an intense and excruciating emotional roller coaster ride.

About two weeks before things began to go downhill, they discussed marriage timing. One day before Helen would start her spiral away from Ben, she told him that he really was good for her and kept her calm in her very stressful work life. But there were also some signs that stress was getting to her. She complained for the first time that Ben was coming over too soon after she got home from work, not giving her enough time to decompress. She began to resent that Ben was retired and didn’t have work stress to deal with. Nothing major but he could see the stress was getting to her more and more each month. Her buddy Segunda was the catalyst for her fears and worries/stress a lot of times.

Before this point, Ben had done something to hopefully make Helen’s life better. She began getting more and more stressed from work over the previous 3 months. He hated to see her like this. So, Ben decided to write some anonymous letters to certain leaders in the company, as could be done using the Alert Line/Ethics Hotline, outlining what he thought would help make things better; an action plan of sorts. Over the previous 3 years, Ben heard the same theme of issues from operators, staff, and managers at the site. Within these letters, and based on the audience he was addressing, Ben made suggestions of how to improve things in the areas most had spoken. He only wrote about things he had heard from at least 4 or 5 or more people. Ben kept it professional and urged the corporate leaders to check for themselves. Everything written he understood had already been discussed with leaders above the site but not the corporate leaders in the US. He had some selfish motives to improve the life of his girlfriend with these efforts as well as speaking highly of the HR department to reduce her risk of being fired. Some in the admin building did not think so highly of all HR nor the others in the so-called “Ocracoke Gang” or the “Mafia” as they called it. Apparently, many in the admin space didn’t feel comfortable speaking up and felt as if only the people in the “Mafia” got their way, controlled many of the non-operational decisions, and felt as if “you better not cross them” or else. Bad feeling to have in such a small company. Knowing this, Ben desperately wanted to paint HR in a better light so Helen would have less risk of losing her job if changes were made. It is surprising that the “Ocracoke Gang” didn’t realize most everyone in the office building knew about their annual Labor Day trip and regular social outings. The gang has rules in place to keep others from knowing about their friendships and socializing. Everybody who is anybody knows about the gang. The mafia group is the same as the Ocracoke gang minus one or two. How naïve can those in the gang be??

When Ben told Helen about these letters, but not in detail because she didn’t want to be culpable for the content, she felt better but then spent the next 3 days stewing over what Ben may have written, not talking to him but consulting her two friends Uno & Segunda about what she should do about her relationship that was now in peril. She fabricated a story (worried about Ben being a ‘player’ because she found 2 inappropriate FB messages from 2018) to tell Segunda as she didn’t want her to know about the letters. She only told Uno about the letters. Finally, after 3 days ignoring Ben, she scheduled time for them to talk by phone. She couldn’t even see Ben in person to discuss. As tough as this woman is, or Ben thought she was, she could not even discuss in person because she is so conflict avoidant in personal relationships and she is likely to go off the deep end in a rage. She started out calm in the discussion but then let Ben have it with both barrels! Ben returned the favor but with only one barrel. She was mostly concerned about people connecting those letters to her and Ben and that she may lose her job for some of the items included in the letters, she assumed. There was nothing confidential in those letters. It was all paranoia on her side. Some at the site had already proposed most of what Ben suggested. She didn’t believe him. Everything was known by others that was included in those letters. Nothing confidential. She was triggered. Ben didn’t understand triggers and how they worked. She said she needed time to think and said they needed to cool it for a while and limit communication as she was highly pissed, mad, etc. He did as she asked. He was torn up about this. He sincerely wanted to help her, his friends at the site, and the company. Turns out, Helen is more concerned about her job than almost anything in life except maybe her kid/grandkids. Her success at that company is paramount to her life and the friends she has from there (although she talked crap about most of those work friends). They had limited contact over the next couple of weeks. Some days she was normal, some neutral, and some when she was really pissed. They saw each other a couple of weeks later, in person. Ben was emotional as Helen was so important to him and he didn’t think these letters would have hurt her so badly. Ben couldn’t understand why she was so upset. He was emotional, even shed tears. He was sorry and apologized. Ben only wanted to help her. There was no risk that those letters would come back to Ben or them. The company had a process to accept anonymous alerts. Helen took the opportunity to throw some more stuff into the mix. She started looking into the past and coming up with stuff to blame on Ben and to indicate he may not be the man for her. She brought up two FB messages from 6 years earlier. They were the same two texts as one of the drunk texting employees on site had sent her and Ben thought she would pick up on this humor. She brought up that one of her friends didn’t really like him. Segunda, her number two confidant, had something against Ben as well. Two others told Ben the same thing over the years. Segunda was also jealous that Ben never asked her out. Segunda took every opportunity to steer Helen away from Ben when she got the chance… ‘he’s at a different place in life than you are. Are you sure this is a good fit?’. ‘You have a stressful life with work right now. Do you really have time for a relationship?’ ‘He’s always been a player. Will he be faithful to you long term?’. ‘He’s happy, already has good friends, plenty of money, he really doesn’t need you, and he’ll drop you once the novelty wears off’. Etc. Now we have the letters thing going on, Segunda in her ear about moving on from Ben (Segunda doesn’t know about the letters, only about Helen’s fabricated reservations about Ben being a player that Helen concocted to explain why she was having troubles with Ben), and Helen being irate about possibly losing her job or the work that may come along from the suggestions in Ben’s anonymous letters.

Helen decided to get away for a few days to determine her course in life with Ben and think about a lot of things. At some points during her days away, she was awesome to Ben, other times she was cold. She came back from her trip early. She intended to stop by and visit and tell Ben about her decision(s). Ben had a stuffy nose, wasn’t feeling great, so she didn’t want to risk getting sick. What a wimp. Just an excuse not to talk in person. So they talked on the phone. She said she wanted an indefinite break until she could see how she felt, how things at work went, etc. Ben believed the main reason was so she could deny a relationship with him if she was to be ever connected to those anonymous letters. She also had emails from her leaders about upcoming meetings and the work she had in front of her. She was totally stressed out. Tremendously upset that she may get fired. A couple of days later she learned she would be leading some improvement efforts. By default, she knew she wouldn’t lose her job. She was still pissed and asked that they don’t communicate much, if at all, in the coming days. This woman went from sugar to vinegar in a matter of moments when all this started. Ben couldn’t believe what he was experiencing. The letters ended up helping the site improve. But, Ben would have done anything to go back in time and not send any letters even if they did help. Ironically, some people at her place of work knew more about Ben’s relationship future with Helen than he did. That little group of friends just can’t keep things confidential. Very sad that one of the contractors knew more about Ben’s future lack of career options at that site than he did. Do people have work to do at that site!?

In the coming weeks they had some nice chats, texts, etc. Many days were void of communication. Some she was evil. He could tell when she had talked to Segunda and when she had talked to Uno. After Segunda, she was always stressed and uptight, as usual. After Uno, she was more of her typical self and optimistic. In the previous months, every time she spent time with Segunda, it would take her half a day, or more, to get back to her normal self. If she saw Segunda in the morning, Ben started avoiding Helen until the evenings. She would be uptight after hanging out with Segunda in the mornings. Sometimes it would take 24 hours for her to get back to herself. What kind of friend stresses you out and causes misery? Helen had commented that Segunda had lost some of her closeness to friends due to her being so harsh, inflexible, and so forth. Segunda demanded a lot of time. But Helen didn’t have many friends, and it was good to have at least one person local to confide in. Segunda just didn’t like Ben. Example: Ben dated one of her friends and he spent 6+ months getting to know her before they became romantic. After they stopped dating, she dated someone else and they didn’t waste time becoming romantic. Segunda knew all of us well. But Segunda calls Ben a “player” and not Frank. Frank Sutton carried on a relationship with two ladies at work for more than 6 months at the same time. Yet, he’s not a player but Ben is? Crazy. Lesson to learn about people – they say and do what fits their narrative. Facts don’t matter.

Over the next weeks Ben sent flowers, a handwritten letter about his support and generally respected her wishes. Finally, after about 5 weeks or so passed since this all started, they got together on a Friday evening for a normal visit. Boy, it was awesome to see Helen! Most of the time was a wonderful visit. About every hour she would remember she was supposed to be mad at Ben and then she would say, “I still haven’t forgiven you yet”. She had told him when this first happened that it may take her 2 months to 2 years to get over this, maybe never. Gosh. This is extreme. They shared some wonderful kisses that evening. Ben was on cloud 9 again. The next day Ben sent her a text that he had enjoyed their time. He didn’t hear from her until Sunday when she replied that she felt the same way. This was a Sunday afternoon early. Later that day, things would begin to fall apart quickly and then the Jerry Springer stuff happened. Blew Ben away. Helen had preached and preached and preached about how they should behave as a couple, her ethics/morals about how people should live, etc. Ben never imagined she only had these requirements for others, not herself.

That Monday night after, she sent Ben a text, saying everything was over. Blasted him. Threatened him physically. Wrote Ben the reasons for the ‘final’ breakup because he had sent those letters, those two in appropriate FB messages when he had a girlfriend of sorts, he supposedly shared private information about her with his friends (but he did not), and some other lame stuff. Turns out, TR (PsychoBoy) had been chatting her up. He told her lies about Ben. The most painful part was that she believed this PsychoBoy that she barely knew vs. giving Ben the benefit of the doubt after 15 years of friendship and being in a relationship with someone close to marrying. Ben would learn later that crazy likes crazy. Maybe this makes Ben crazy. She FB blocked Ben and his friends/family more than 6 hours before texting him that everything was over. Earlier that day, she had some real medical issues and needed an MRI. Ben was worried and tried to find her by driving to every MRI facility in the area. Ended up not finding her because they expedited the MRI and sent Helen home. Was quite the time. A few days before this craziness happened, two of Ben’s strongest Christian friends randomly told Ben that Helen was “listening to the wrong voice” and we should all pray for her. Another friend that knew TR told Ben that TR would likely try to sabotage his relationship with Helen since he had her cell number. Ben should have taken this more seriously but the Friday before they had such a great time. Wow. Crazy that Ben’s friends knew this.

Some background on TR. He was the crying Ex boyfriend of a close friend whom Helen knew briefly. He was calling Ben regularly to cry on his shoulder. He had met Helen a couple times and was supposedly sending her messages in support of their reconciliation, but Ben didn’t know to what extent it really was. Oddly, and Ben didn’t know how crazy he was until later, he would ask Ben about how he was doing with Helen. Then he would ask a question or two about Helen’s life in each conversation. He was psychologically profiling Helen. He’s a sick man. Took Ben a while to figure this out and learn all his craziness from his ex. (his Ex had told Helen about his craziness, but she didn’t listen, obviously) TR regularly wondered why Helen was so distant, at times, and quiet, during her/Ben’s challenging weeks. He was determined to diagnose this. TR asked these questions about Helen over 3 or 4 conversations; “does she have a good relationship with her daughter? Do they talk a lot?”. “How about her relationship with her parents… is it strong? Do they talk and spend much time together?”. “Are her and her father close?” “Was she abused as a child? Was she neglected as a child?”. Ben always brushed these off. TR was kind of nutty but he needed someone to listen. Ben thought he was helping him move along. TR was still in love with his ex but he did like Helen, apparently. TR would brag that he had studied love and said he could make any woman fall in love with him but really he studied how to prey on women in times of stress and emotional turmoil. The last long conversation they had, TR said, “I would make Helen fall in love with me by being ‘very empathetic, sympathetic, and nice to her right now since I know she must be in pain”. Ben said, WTH are you talking about?!? He said, “I mean you should do this, not me”. When Ben told him Helen and he were doing better, he seemed to be pissed off about it then came around and said he was just jealous because he and his ex weren’t talking. He called Helen after learning they were doing better. TR later texted Ben, “I needed to tell her the truth about you so she could make an informed decision one way or the other”. TR believes that everyone should have all information, good or bad, regardless of the outcome. (maybe Ben will adopt this philosophy at a later date) TR lied. Helen believed him. Four weeks later in some email exchanges Helen would agree that Ben didn’t share any private information with his friends and she also said, “I didn’t have any conceivable way of knowing that you did not share those things”. WHAT? She was told he was a liar by his ex. Regardless, as stated previously, she could have given Ben the benefit of the doubt after 15 years. All that triggered her and she just lost it. She can’t control herself when triggered. It’s a survival mechanism from her traumas.

TR did tell his girlfriend, at the time of first meeting Helen, that Helen was pretty. He also followed it with a derogatory comment about her. He is a fake nice guy. During his relationship with his ex GF, he was always telling several friends of his GF about how bad she was and how he was fixing her. Ben should have taken these things as red flags but Ben is too nice and assumes the best. Not anymore.

Soon after Helen texted Ben that things were over for good, TR started texting Ben things like, “I coached Helen through your breakup”, “Don’t contact Helen anymore. I’m taking care of her now.” “She’s frightened of you. Leave her alone”. He was on the phone with her. He heard Ben knock on the door at Helen’s. She regularly talked about how she didn’t trust people and it took a long time to build trust. She trusted him immediately. Confided things she didn’t tell her closest friends. TR knew everything from recent events and he would text Ben right after Ben texted Helen and would comment on the content of Ben’s texts to Helen. Spooky but sad. He always knew what was going on. Helen never responded. Ben gave her the benefit of the doubt that she had not had any kind of relationship with this guy but she never responded to texts, emails, or phone calls. She shut Ben out completely. Ben didn’t know what to think. What an awful feeling… just losing the love of your life and then some guy starts texting this crazy stuff. Admittedly, TR did tell Ben how he would get Helen to fall for him. Ben never thought Helen would be this gullible. She fell for him at some level only they know about. Later, some 3 weeks or so, Helen would email Ben that she wanted him to hurt and that’s why she shut him out, etc. She said Ben had hurt her for a second time by telling his friends private information about her. This was a lie. She was triggered by this and shut down to protect herself. Ben couldn’t understand how someone could be so mean. He had never done anything to her except write those anonymous letters. Wow, to put it mildly. He was so worried about her and this PsychoBoy. Ben researched what TR was saying about making women fall in love with him. He read websites and listened to podcasts, videos, etc. TR had done his homework. On one pod cast, a psychologist said, “a woman that has had a trauma trigger and is in emotional pain will almost always immediately attach themselves to a man that is empathetic, sympathetic, and nice to them”. Holy cow! This is exactly what TR had said. Evidently it worked. Ben was originally nice to TR because TR kept sharing information about his newly found relationship with Helen. Ben knew Helen hated him doing that. Once Ben had all the information he needed from TR, he let him know how he really felt. Helen defended TR in her emails. Self-explanatory how she felt about him. Wouldn’t talk to Ben or see him but would carry on with a guy that stood for absolutely everything Helen said she hated. She had given Ben all kinds of rules he had to live by. Had Ben done just one of the crazy things TR did, she would have never been his friend, much less her boyfriend. Ben can hear her speeches right now about how people should behave because she preached it regularly. Ben guesses her rules don’t apply to her. This is more and more prevalent as more lies were discovered.

In those email exchanges with Helen, she said Ben “behaved unprofessionally with TR”. Something like this. Right? Why would Ben be nice to someone that lied to his girlfriend and then proceeds to move in on her? That is batshitcrazy. She said she was disappointed the way TR and Ben had fought over her like they were trying to win the “shiny prize”. Truth is, Ben never texted TR that he wanted Helen back, would win her back, was still in love with her or anything of the sort. TR likely fabricated texts, screenshot them and sent them to Helen to go along with his many tactics and lies. Helen for sure was Ben’s greatest prize but not any longer. Being treated like shit, ghosted, hurt on purpose in his most vulnerable ways, being threatened with violence, and bringing a 3rd party into their relationship was not cool. Unheard of even for “white trash.” She had “Helen’s 100 rules” to be her boyfriend. In the end, she didn’t live by ANY of them herself.

Some more TR history. He was abusive towards his first wife. Later changed his first/middle name which is sometimes a trick for people like him. Helen will also reconnect with someone else who changed his name. More craziness. TR found a new girlfriend some years after his divorce, moved in, mooched off of her, and when it didn’t work out, he harassed/stalked her for more than 3 years after the breakup. Then moved back in with his parents, like he does between girlfriends. His last girlfriend, Ben’s friend, TR mooched off her as well. The first year he didn’t have a job. Lied about looking for a job. Had an affair. Finally got a job but basically paid little to nothing for living with his girlfriend. They got engaged but she would not commit to marrying him. This crazed him. TR started reading her texts when she fell asleep. He took pictures of her nude when sleeping without her permission. Tried to talk her into having sex with another guy and letting him video it. TR blocked certain FB friends from seeing her posts as he had gotten her passwords to FB, online banking, etc. He regularly shoplifted small items and especially from Lowe’s home improvement. He still logged onto her FB account as much as two months after they broke up. She finally changed her password. Crazy! He was jealous of her ex-husband. One day when the ex-husband returned with their kids, TR showed up with flowers, walked around the car singing, proposed marriage to her ex-husband citing that the ex-husband was good enough for him if he was still good enough for his girlfriend. He installed spy cameras around the house. His craziness continued but Ben’s friend still loved him. He moved out. He blew up her FB and sent all kinds of crazy texts. Oddly, she still loved him. One could see from all the FB pictures how in love they were with each other. It wasn’t until Ben’s friend learned of TR’s involvement with Helen that she completely shut TR out for good. It was okay, because life isn’t fair, for Ben’s relationship with Helen to end. He hated it but that’s life. But Helen, her relationship with TR impacted someone else. Whether or not they are/were just friends or not, Ben didn’t know. Helen had already stolen at least one husband away from a wife once before, resulting in her 3rd marriage. Helen didn’t care about impacting Ben’s friend and TR’s relationship. Although, even while writing this, TR still stalks Ben’s friend, sends emails about his love and desire to reconcile, fix her, etc. So, Ben’s friend remains a prisoner in her home unless she’s with a group or her sons. No dating for her. TR even knocked on the glass window at a restaurant and gave her the ‘finger’ while she was at the bar with a guy friend. He’s super psycho. There are too many crazy stories about this guy… could write for weeks. Had Ben ever done any of these things, Helen never would have allowed Ben as a friend, much less a boyfriend. She would have kicked him to the curb without a second thought. But Helen chose TR to believe.

Helen said Ben had anger issues, and this is why she never responded to Ben’s emails or texts, etc. She indicated she would have talked to Ben after the hurt was gone in 2.5 weeks or so but Ben had written her some ‘mean’ emails (2) that scared her. Ben reviewed these with a counselor. The counselor said these were mild, especially given the circumstances of Helen bringing another man into their relationship as well as ghosting him after multiple harsh false accusations and Helen threatening Ben physically. Two bad words were used in those emails to Helen, but they were implied and not spelled out. Really harsh. If you want to know who had anger issues, ask the one, Helen, that was charged with assault. And, when old enough to know better, purportedly rammed her car into another while driving under the influence, on purpose, possibly with a one-year-old child in the back seat. Scary, right?!? She spent 15 days in jail as a result of this malicious hit & run DWI. And she had the audacity to say Ben had anger issues. Crazy. She has a disorder that results in her accusing others of what she is doing. Makes her feel better. It is a coping mechanism. Sad. She always accuses people of doing what she does even if they haven’t or don’t do those things.

Ben’s first email addressed a lot of her accusations/comments that Ben never had the opportunity to discuss in person and the second addressed the 3rd party, TR, she brought into their relationship. Ben was seriously concerned about TR being crazy and her letting him into her life. Seems as if two crazies attract. Doesn’t speak well for Ben, obviously. Yep, she is now, “Helen of Hypocrisy.” Ben has never been treated so ugly or even had a friend that had been treated this way. He would have done anything in the world for her. But she chose to move on. She reconnected with her ex-husband #3, the one she regularly claimed cheated on her, was a narcissist, liar, insisted she cook all the time, would not let her spend time with friends... Ben is not judging, just pointing out that she can’t seem to follow one rule she has for everyone else. This is why she is so private – so she can do what she wants to do without judgement while giving the perception of a good person. She must control her narrative. She indicated that she may have been open to getting back together after her hurt was over (unfounded hurt caused by a lie from TR). This is so arrogant that she would think Ben would want to get back together with her after she treated him like she did and brought a 3rd party into their relationship. TR knew everything that was going on between Ben and Helen. Wow. No privacy here. She broke her own rule again. Yep. So sad. She was mad that Ben found out about her and TR. Spoiled her secret life. Do as she says but she doesn’t follow her own rules, ever. Ben so loved this woman who turned out to be much different than he thought she was after knowing her for more than 15 years. She fooled Ben for the longest time. Ben’s counselor and closest friends said “you dodged a bullet”; she did you a favor. Ben believes this with his head but took his heart a long time to catch up. Ben did, eventually, come to understand that Helen was reacting in a way that he didn’t understand initially. From her traumas throughout her life, her emotional system isn’t the same as most. She was just reacting. It’s normal to her and she doesn’t realize that it isn’t normal. He’s still impressed that she has accomplished everything she has with all the trials and tribulations she’s had in her life. She is a strong woman. Ben’s sister really loved her. Was the first woman he ever dated seriously that she appreciated so much… strong, intelligent, decisive, independent. She looked forward to finally having a sister-in-law she would enjoy spending time with. In fact, Ben’s sister asked him to show him the top four women he was interested in on Facebook. She read through their pages and recommended Helen. She really liked what she saw and read. All the family and friends loved her. Ben’s dad would put the cat in his bedroom for 3 days before Helen would visit and vacuum multiple times to minimize the potential of cat allergies. He really liked Helen. He never did anything like this for others. In all of Ben’s life, he saw his dad sad only 5 or 6 times, but he was really sad when he heard of the breakup. He was sad for a while.

Regardless of Helen’s trauma triggers and so forth, she knew better and could have managed to be respectful, at least after some weeks. Those not “mean” letters obviously impacted her. Not because they were mean, but because they told the truth and called out her misgivings. Folks with her disorders hate to be caught in lies and the truth hurts them more than anything, especially when they feel shamed. They hate people to know the real them. It’s easier for them to be angry at someone else. It helps them move on and deflect from what they did.

But, to her credit, early on, she did say she didn’t think she was capable of a long-term relationship. And, the way she spoke of her past relationships and people in general, Ben should have taken her at her word. As Maya Angelo said, ‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time’. Another great lesson learned for the future. Helen said, “you never want to see me mad”, “don’t get on my bad side”, and things like, ‘if you wrong me you’ll pay’. Ben should have run away fast but he knew her for so many years and never saw any of that.

As The Bobbin Turns, Episode 2c: “Helen of Hypocrisy”

(Satirical look at some stories, some people…)

Character(s):

Helen: a work friend, regular friend, casual romantic relationship leading to a serious committed relationship. An incredibly amazing woman.

Theodore Roosevelt (TR) aka PsychoBoy: friend of Helen from SC. Recent Ex boyfriend of a mutual friend of Ben/Helen’s.

Segunda: close friend to Helen

Uno: best friend to Helen

Frank Sutton

Ben: ex boyfriend

Twice Helen’s company executive(s) had requested they contact Ben to discuss a possible return. The first time she could have recused herself and told them they were friends. She controlled that situation unprofessionally. The second time, she could have also recused herself and asked someone else to handle it. But no, she wanted to control things. Both times she either lied to Ben about this or didn’t disclose. Highly unprofessional. She did not do as she was asked by the company leaders. The last time Ben saw Helen in person, he asked her if anyone had inquired about him returning. She looked straight at him and said “no”. She lied. Just 1.5 weeks earlier, some of her colleagues told Ben that Helen or the site head would reach out to discuss bringing him back to the company.

Helen initially told Ben she was married 2 times. She’s smart and Ben doesn’t understand why she thinks people wouldn’t know she was married 3 times. She eventually told Ben she was married 3 times. When she came to work, we knew her maiden name, her first married name (daughter’s last name), and her current divorced name and her next married name. Pretty simple to know the number of marriages but he guesses she didn’t consider. Her first husband was an alcoholic and left after their child was 6 months old, moved in with the lady he was cheating with. That’s what she told Ben. Turns out, there is much more to the story than Helen’s side of it. The reality is that they had issues off and on before. Marriage number two was short. Lasted around 6 months. She needed his money and was worried what would happen after she served her 15 day sentence in the county jail. This was a rebound marriage, she thought she needed a man, but she wasn’t happy. Was husband #3 in the works before she left #2? He was devastated as he had waited his entire life for the right woman. Ben understands. She was awesome. The 3rd marriage stems from an affair in the workplace. She claimed she didn’t know he wasn’t separated before they started dating. Not true. She really loved this one. She loved the ones that did not treat her well and dumped the ones that did treat her well. Number 3 began a long-term affair after many years of marriage to Helen. He was caught and moved out. She called him a narcissist, liar, cheater, etc. every chance she got. But she obviously forgave him because they reconnected. Maybe she’ll forgive Ben after 7 years as well. There is a lot more that could be said but we’ll leave this alone. Maybe more in an encore episode.

As Ben & Helen got closer to the end of their relationship, she lied more and more. It was easy to determine. Her writing in texts/emails are incongruent with her typical style when she lies or misleads people. In person, you could see it in her eyes, head position, and mouth position. She said she never lies but then would sometimes say she had to lie about this or that… small or white lie. She detests liars but she has no problem lying. She detests cheaters but, even though she pretends to be on the straight and narrow, she loves attention. This could be another episode.

Ben will forever miss Helen. Most incredible woman he ever dated or spent this kind of time with. As for Hell’n, Ben is terrified of her. He’ll never miss Hell’n. She could easily take on Lucifer with one hand tied behind her back. How many women have you ever known that threatened to whoop a man’s ass? She is strong, stronger than most men her size. She admitted she wanted Ben to hurt (emotionally) and she knew exactly the things that would hurt Ben the most because they had shared their most vulnerable worries. What kind of person purposefully attacks someone using the most vulnerable worries a person has? Her anger is beyond measure when triggered and she is vindictive beyond belief. She’s still mad/angry at her first husband more than 20 years after they split. Knowing all this, Ben tries to stay away from places she may be.

TR, aka Psychoboy, has a philosophy that people should have all the information, good and bad, to make an informed decision, regardless of the outcome, even though he lied about much of his life. Helen must be okay with this because she took TR into her life and embraced him. (as long as it suits her needs) She also defended his crazy, unethical, and criminal behavior, which is even crazier!

Some wisdom for her colleagues, never get on her bad side. It may impact your raise and bonus. Ben could list a number of examples here. Never submit an Alert/Ethics Hotline. She will work tirelessly to figure out the person or at least the shift or department it came from under the guise of trying to best address the anonymous alert. She gets pissed that she has to take time to address those. She takes it personally and she has a long memory. She’s an expert at recognizing writing styles, etc. And, boy, for some of the people she was able to fire or assist in getting fired, she felt triumphant. You never know people until you know them. She broke company rules by telling others about the letters Ben sent. She’s obligated to keep that information confidential, but she didn’t. Possibly she even broke the whistle blower laws.

Helen only has rules for others. She follows rules for herself only when in her best interest. She’ll do about anything as long as it doesn’t impact her reputation, family, or job; as long as there isn’t a chance of others finding out, she’ll steal (husband, airline credit, etc), she’ll cheat, she’ll lie (endless examples), she’ll pretend, flirt/carryon via text or in person, and work subtly to be in control if she has the opportunity. She even lied, for who knows why, about who she sold her condo to. She said she sold it to her first ex. Big lie. Why? To make herself look better. Not worth more explanation.

She will be forever “Hell’n”.

As The Bobbin Turns, Episode 2d: “Hell’n – Crazy Explained”/Recap

(Satirical look at some stories, some people…)

When someone falsely accuses & fabricates lies, shares them, impacts another’s life outside of their private relationship, as well as impacts their career dreams and other relationships one cherishes, it is reasonable to assume and expect that the other person may take the opportunity to tell the truth; defend themselves. The sheer lowliness that much of their relationship woes were gossiped at work by those low lives she calls friends had to be some of the most unsettling part of the entire downfall. Really? Can’t people be adults and leave the private stuff for the two people that are struggling to find their way? Is it too much to ask to leave people alone in times of romantic troubles? But no, they like to talk about it and gossip at work and try to sabotage someone’s relationships because their pathetic lives are so miserable they have to work to destroy others. Karma will certainly visit.

She broke every promise she ever made to Ben. He, for sure, thought she would keep the last one… keeping it professional within the workplace. Well, Ben gave her too much credit. Less than a month after the breakup, Ben heard from an old colleague, “She’s going to break up with him. We’re going to make sure of it”. Supposedly overheard this at work from a conversation some were having about Ben/Helen’s relationship. Obviously, they don’t have much to do at work. Months later, Ben heard from a number of former colleagues, “Helen hates you more than any man on earth”, “you will never work at XYZ as long as Helen is here”, “Ben was mean to Helen”, “he treated her bad”, “you won’t stop bugging her”, “I hear she said you won’t leave her alone”, “you’ll never go back to work out there because you have to deal with Helen”. All of that is bologna because she doesn’t want people, especially at work, to know the truth. This is one of many reasons she got pissed/enraged. Ben caught her in many lies and found out the truth about many things. More reason she continues her rage. She wants people to think Ben treated her badly when it is just the opposite. She’s the one that spent 15 days in jail for her uncontrolled rage that could have killed people (when she was a mom and old enough to know better). It makes her feel better to accuse others of things she’s guilty of. Ben does regret that he had some fun after he found he was being tracked. He drove around a certain area(s) a number of times to irritate who he thought was tracking him. Ben didn’t care if anyone knew his whereabouts or anything. He’s not secretive like Helen. He chuckled at this and had some fun driving his truck around to different places knowing he would irritate a certain person😊 The novelty wore off and he stopped. She could have just asked him and he would have gladly let her track him and he would have happily told her anything she wanted to know… who he was dating, where he was going, etc. Ben is not secretive like Helen. One of the craziest things is that most of the lies were just voluntary comments from Helen. She even said she sold her condo to her first ex. This was a lie. Easy to check that one. Lied about all of her relationships. Lied the first time Ben asked her out. Lied to Ben about losing her passport as an excuse not to go to Europe for work but told her boss she had covid. She worked tirelessly to get the head of production fired. After success, she started working with a number of executives to fire the site head. She was terrified Ben would go to work with her site head and tell him all the crazy shit she had done and also that she was trying to get him fired.

Helen was asked two different times in two different years to assist in bringing Ben back to work at the site. She didn’t recuse herself. Instead, she pretended not to know Ben except from previous work experience. She lied to executives and didn’t fulfill their requests. She prided herself on being professional and not allowing emotions to dictate her actions at work. This, and other examples, surprised Ben with how much personal did come into play at work. As long as Helen could make it seem professional, she would subtly control things to her personal preferences. Another example is when she assisted in saving Frank Sutton’s job. Others were terminated for the same issues, but they kept Frank. For many years she indicated Frank “was full of himself,” “full of crap”, “lazy”. When she became friends with him and friends with the work group (Ocracoke Gang) that socializes and travels together, she changed her tune. She still felt the same way about him but did not want to jeopardize losing these friends. If someone is worried about losing friends, then they aren’t really friends.

Caught in another lie… about 10 days before Helen and Ben saw each other last, Ben was informed that he should follow up with the site leader and/or Helen about rejoining the company or they may contact him directly. They clearly stated Helen was in the loop regarding bringing Ben back to work at the site. To his face, Helen said nobody had spoken with her regarding bringing him back. Odd. Who to believe? What a tangled web we weave… There is more evidence, but we’ll leave it here for now.

She prided herself on being assertive, speaking her mind, and taking timely decisions. However, in her personal life, this was not the case. She could not address folks face to face with difficult subjects. She couldn’t even call VRBO to get a long past due refund. Ben had to assist. She avoided any type of conflict resolution. Text and run is her choice of handling difficult situations. Even though she had a lot of issues with Segunda, she needed at least one close friend she could spend time with. Helen had lots of negative to say about Segunda but she still maintained that close relationship. She was so weak in this subject she was afraid her friends may kick her out of the group if Ben became a regular fixture. She couldn’t find the strength to tell 2 people, “Ben is my boyfriend. He’s treats me well and he’s going to be a part of my life.” She was terrified of what this group may think of her even though she knew Ben wasn’t a player and that he had no issues with Frank Sutton. Although, as you’ve seen previously, Frank was the one with the issues. But Helen blamed Ben even though Helen didn’t think too highly of Frank. She maintained this fear of losing out… being abandoned. Helen has the majority of traits/symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD); one of the four types. You may want to read about them. As well, she has Dismissive Avoidant Attachment behavior. This comes from the complex trauma she experienced in life. These only get worse with age. She could solve much of her stress and lead a more normal life if she would get help but she will not. In romantic relationships, she always thinks it is the other person’s fault (big symptom of her disorders). She suffers from Neuroticism. (she hides all these struggles extremely well, especially at work) Neuroticism is genetic but can be helped via the right treatment. People that suffer Neuroticism can’t help it. These folks tend to live shorter lives and experience such health problems as asthma, eczema, uncontrollable ruminating, and so forth. Interestingly, these symptoms reduced over the years she spent time with Ben because she said she was more relaxed and felt life had more meaning. Her friend, Segunda, didn’t have the ability to recognize that Helen was different, so she regularly gave Helen bad advice; in fact, the opposite of what someone with these disorders needs. But of course, Segunda was jealous and sought her own agenda, not Helen’s best interest. We know that Mae, Helen, and Segunda’s last boyfriend all expressed to Ben that Segunda had something against him and shared the specifics of what Segunda told them.

Helen lamented for at least 6 months about how the costs of their annual vacation lodging costs would be divided but she was too wimpy to address with the organizer. Folks that cannot address difficult topics with their friends and loved ones are 4 times more likely to die early vs the average. Helen is terrified of dying early. Helen regularly dodged difficult discussions with Ben and instead talked to her friend(s) multiple times before being able to talk on the phone, text, or email with him. Rarely talked in person until after these avenues were exhausted and she calmed down. With all this, Ben remains impressed that Helen has achieved as much success as she has in life. She overcame a tremendous amount of adversity and trauma to get where she is today.

Hellen accused Ben of sharing private information with his SC friends. This was not true, but she believed psychoboy. All the while, she was sharing very detailed and private information with psychoboy. What the heck?? TR knew the blow by blow of the final breakup and many other things. He would text Ben minutes after Ben would text Helen and TR would comment on the content of Ben’s texts. Spooky but mostly sad. Psychoboy shared all that with Ben, taunting him. But Hell’n allowed him to continue. She stated, in writing, that she wanted Ben to hurt. While psychoboy was bragging about his newfound relationship with Helen, and taunting Ben, Hellen later emailed that she was surprised that Ben behaved unprofessionally with psychoboy and she was disappointed. This is so ludicrous. What person, in their right mind, thinks it is okay for a 3rd party to get involved with another person’s significant other, make all kinds of crazy statements about what they’re doing with your romantic partner and expect someone to politely act like everything is okay? Major CRAE-ZEE. This is the same guy, TR, that didn’t speak to his mother for 5 years when she insisted he stop stalking his ex-girlfriend. It may be good that Helen has someone that will treat her really nicely while being able to control him. He’ll do whatever she says. She does like control. She even tells him what to do with his social media.

Jim Bakker would be proud… preach one thing, do another.

You can tell when Hell’n lies. Her writing is incongruent with her typical style. Much of the time she is more wordy when she lies in writing or speech. Her eyes get a little bigger and she ever so slightly tilts her head. Sometimes her mouth on one side opens a little wider. When she adds more detail vs. her normal lingo, be aware, she is likely misleading you or lying to you. She was told this so she likely has been working to improve her lying.

Not surprising at this point but Helen goes into a rage and can be violent when she is triggered. She threated to kick Ben’s ass as well as told him to stay the hell away from her work. (meaning that Ben better not try to get a job at the site, mostly because she didn’t want him to tell the truth about things she had done to the site head. She tried for more than 18 months to get him fired, working with a number of HR and other executives) This now makes two people at that site that made violent threats. Aggressive employees that can’t control themselves. Ben discovering the real Helen was painful for her. She tries so hard to keep a certain professional façade at work and a normal façade with friends and acquaintances. She can’t hold it together in a longer-term romantic relationship.

Helen also emailed she was disappointed in the way TR and Ben fought over her like a shiny prize. She was, at one time, the shiniest prize in the world. Now she’s like a piece of fine silver that hasn’t been polished in a century. However, Ben, not even once, sent one text nor one email nor one conversation with anyone indicating he wanted Helen back, or that he was still in love with her, or anything suggesting he was remotely interested in someone that treated him like shit, lied frequently, aimed to hurt him on purpose, and brought another man into their relationship. Where on earth Helen got the idea Ben was “fighting” over her is a mystery. More crazy from either TR and/or Hell’n we must assume. Still as crazy… Helen actually thought she could just put Ben off indefinitely until the coast was clear at work and her anger subsided and then get back together. How arrogant is this? Ben loved her like no other but he wasn’t going to be treated poorly by anyone for any reason.

She started off the relationship with a lie. Continued with white lies, and big lies regarding her past relationships and other things. She made all sorts of accusations about Ben. Come to find out, she preached about all of these things, and she was doing them. She hated liars, cheaters, angry people, etc. but she didn’t stick to her own beliefs/philosophy. Ben never knew anyone to get more angry than Helen nor lie as much. We don’t know if she physically cheated, but she began an intimate relationship with another man, believing his lies. She knew TR wanted to date her but somehow couldn’t comprehend that he may be trying to impact the relationship so she would be available?!?. Cra cra. Two of her friends, well decorated professionals, one in her field of HR, gave her a list of ~ 15 crazy things psychoboy TR did. Any of these would have resulted in termination of a romantic or a friend relationship with Helen, typically. She chose to believe psychoboy. By the time things were completely over, she had strongly broken every rule she imposed upon Ben. Maybe her ethics only apply to others? She’ll take your man, your money (airline credit so she could go to Hawaii), or whatever she can if she thinks she can get away with it and not lose her job or the few people she cares about. Previously, she hung out with one of her friend’s bo. She was bored. He was fun. She stopped because he had a big mouth and had to tell everyone. When she was vulnerable one night, which was only when she was tired/sleepy, late at night, had 3 or more drinks, and dozing in and out of sleep, Ben asked her what would she have done if things had gotten romantic with him? What about your friendship with Mae? Helen replied, “That’s her problem”, along with other surprise comments. She would never have said this any other time except during these very small windows of vulnerability. She shared some other disturbing things during the few times she was vulnerable. When she said, “that’s her problem” about a good friend, Ben should have run away. She is rougher/tougher than most men. Helen also claimed some of Ben’s friends were toxic. He almost believed her until he reread through a year of group texts. This wasn’t the case. Not one friend of Ben’s said anything derogatory about Helen during or after the breakup. This is unlike Segunda who commonly worked to discredit Ben and subtly convince Helen to move away. Helen was always uptight after visiting Segunda. She would confess the details to Ben when drinking. Nearly every week Segunda had something to say to drive Ben and Helen apart. Ms. independent Helen is more easily swayed than Ben ever imagined. Both Segunda and TR easily changed Helen’s mind. Ben strived to not impact Helen’s independence. Little did he know she needed someone to keep her from being so gullible. Oh well, too little too late.

Helen was psychologically profiled by TR in order for him to apply his knowledge of getting distressed women to attach to him. He’s a sick human being. Long story but very interesting. I was surprised Helen fell for it, at least at some level. At some point in TR and his GF’s (Ben’s good friend) relationship, things got bad. GF got advice from her friends. It was suggested that she simply make a list of all the things she loved and liked about TR and another list of all the things the didn’t like about TR. After two weeks, she only came up with one thing she liked about TR. She indicated all his other, supposed, good traits were fake. She kept coming back that she couldn’t really point to anything as to why she loved or liked him. She said she thought she loved him but really just felt attached to him for some reason. Didn’t know why but she felt very attached. Strange. Months later, TR would confide in Ben that he could make any woman fall in love with him. He gave some BS information about his knowledge of love and women. However, when things got bad between them, Ben started to pry into this a little more. Basically, TR didn’t really know how to make women fall in love with him. He had learned how to make women attach to him when they were in distress by taking advantage of them during an emotional state, based on what he knew about their past trauma & turmoil. He had done his homework. After listening to TR, Ben then understood why GF didn’t know why she was with him but felt so attached. Fast forward to when TR was crying on Ben’s shoulder regularly but taking the opportunity to ask questions about Helen’s past. Ben didn’t entertain these questions, but TR asked, during most calls, things about Helen’s daughter, parents, dad, childhood, etc stating he “was trying to understand why Helen was behaving the way she was.” During TR’s call with Helen, he pretended that he saw texts where Ben was discussing Helen’s past with his friends. Ben never did this. This was TR’s way of fishing for information about Helen’s past. Trying to figure out how to approach Helen to win her over. At a certain point he came up with his approach and even told Ben that he would be “very empathetic, very sympathetic, and very nice to Helen” during these times she was in emotional pain and she would fall in love with him. Ben researched what TR had said and Ben found a podcast with this same information regarding how women attach so quickly to men when they do this after they have had a trauma trigger and are in a lot of emotional turmoil. Oh well. TR won her over at some level. She defended his crazy actions and believed him instead of Ben. Helen barely knew this guy. TR is a sick man. Who studies how to win women over during times of distress? You guessed it. Sick people. TR being one of them and Frank Sutton being another. Ben couldn’t believe Helen fell for this, especially after she preached on not getting close to people outside of a relationship, not sharing with people until you really get to know them well, etc. Very sad that he did this and sad for Helen.

Super crazy. Helen said she first started dating Ben because of his “reputation and for the sex.” Later, she said he was different from his reputation, and she had not expected he would want any type of relationship. When she fell in love with him, she was glad he was not like his reputation. Then she made a big push for them not to consider anything in their past; only focus on what they experienced together. Little did Ben know about her spectacular past, but it was ok. They both agreed to not allow their past to impact their relationship. However, when things got tough, she accused him of being a “skirt chaser” and a “player” without evidence. (Helen was 10 times the player Ben ever was) She was just being mean. She knew this wasn’t true. When she finally broke things off, she cited, among other things, ‘two inappropriate texts from 2018 while dating someone else’. She went against the promise she asked of both. Ironically, Ben sent those messages based on what a guy at work had said he sent Helen when he was drunk one evening. Ben was expecting her to recognize such and get a little chuckle out of it but she probably didn’t put the two together. This was from a guy rumored to have had an affair with her after Ben left the company. Oddly, she FB messaged many inappropriate messages while she was supposedly happily married. Ben only sent two marginally inappropriate messages as a joke that she didn’t recognize. But, during her married years, she invited him to join her when she was on business travel, among a number of other inappropriate messages. Ben never took her up on any of her offers. He should have seen this as a red flag for any future relationship with her.

Another super crazy. Hell’n stole $855.40 from a Hawaiian flight credit Ben paid for. She was furious that Ben caught her. Ben was extremely nice about it. Ben saw “boarding pass notifications” in his Delta app. This is what the boarding pass notifications stated and he saw the credit had been used already. He emailed her, very nicely, asking for reimbursement. He didn’t mention he knew she was in Hawaii, didn’t cancel the flights, wasn’t ugly about it, waited until the end of the trip so she could enjoy her time in Hawaii, etc. Anyone he told about this almost fell over in shock that she did this. Ghetto. Stealing $855.40?!? She eventually paid $855 back. Ben hopes she had a good time fulfilling her dream of traveling there. He certainly wished things would have worked out with Helen but, sooner or later, she would have revealed her true self. Better sooner than later. Early in the serious relationship, she stated she may not be capable of a relationship. She would not explain further. Wish she would have. She also stated that Ben should never want to see her really mad. Ben asked for clarification, but she would not elucidate. Ben stated that he was not a push over, would stand up for himself, and was not a puss%. Just because Ben has a calm demeaner didn’t mean he would let someone run over him. This surprised Helen when she got mad at Ben the first time. She can’t handle someone who can identify her lies, reveal truths, etc. Someone that is an empath will always triumph over someone with her personality disorders. She shouldn’t go ‘postal’ on people and expect them to bow down. Who did she go to Hawaii with? Maybe ex #3, maybe psychoboy, possibly a friend, or maybe a top-secret booty call from work. Make your best guess and stay tuned. Or you can ask her yourself about these men. Can you crack the code and figure out who the possible top secret sworn-to-secrecy booty call(s) may be? How did she manage to woo husband #3 away from his wife? Why did she expect husband #3 to be faithful when he cheated on his first two wives and was cheating with Helen while married to his 2nd wife? We all understand. No judgement. Just she should not judge, preach, condemn, etc. others for her same actions. One of her favorites is, “I would never date anybody at work”. Yep, we know that’s a big fat one. She’s had two work marriages and other interludes. (could also write an episode about her ‘interludes’. People love to talk in this town!) If some of her friends from work really knew the crap she talked about them since she’s known them, they may not socialize with her any longer.

She lied to Ben about losing her passport to justify not having to travel overseas during an inopportune time. Instead of telling the same lie to her boss overseas, she made up a new one that she had Covid-19. Again, no judgement, just hypocrisy of what she preached vs. her actions. Ironically, one of the management team members was fired around 10 years earlier for lying about a couple of things. Helen obviously wasn’t worried about being caught in her lies. Her house of cards is stronger than most but then she has to expend much energy remembering all the stories she tells.

She called into question Ben’s character for writing those letters to corporate executives. But she was about 1.5 years into an active effort to get the site leader fired, working with a number of executives. To be fair, most of the management team, staff, and operators felt the same way. She often referred to the site leader as a “narcissist” and an “alcoholic”. About any man she didn’t like and/or can’t control is labeled a narcissist; especially those she was previously involved with. Ben understands things are better at the site. Apparently, the letters helped everyone but Helen. She is too self-centered to think about making the company better vs. her own selfish interests. Ironically, when someone submits an anonymous alert line, she’s more interested in finding out who sent it than addressing the complaint. She’s really good at this. Never think you can submit something and her not narrow it down to a short list of possible submitters. Be careful!

She always thought she was never part of any major rumors. Ben didn’t have the heart to tell her what had been said about her over the years. She would have hated it and worried herself to death. Shortly after he left the site, he heard she was having an affair, 2 years later with another man, and several other names over the subsequent years. Ben didn’t believe any of it. However, he was shocked to hear from one of them that once he confided in Helen that he and his wife were really struggling, she began flirting with him and regularly until he left the company. What kind of woman does this? Really? A man is down, emotional, trying to put things back together with his wife and the HR lady begins flirting. Can’t make this stuff up. Ben wasn’t surprised after giving it more thought. She chatted him up when she was still married as well as implied, she liked to stray. Gotta pay attention to the red flags!

On their last day, Helen was very mean/ugly in the morning. No time to even talk on the way to work. No time to talk the night before. She only wanted to know about the conversation Ben had with the site leader before she slammed the door forever. Ben was so worried about Helen. She was sent for an emergency MRI. Once Ben got out of his appointment, he drove to every MRI facility in Greenville trying to find her car then go in and check on her. He wasn’t fast enough. They got her in and out quickly. What a sad day seeing yourself, your family and close friends get blocked on social media, no communication from the woman you love and then boom, she slams the final door based on a call with a documented man with mental illness that she barely knew.

Ben would never wish this ending on anyone. He’ll never be the same. He hopes and prays he can return to something like his old self with the help of loved ones, counseling, and Christian support. Nothing mean is meant by these soap opera episodes. Just subscribing to Helen’s buddy’s philosophy of sharing, good or bad, regardless of impact, to help relationships, one way or another.

Helen was the most amazing, smartest, most loving, fun/funny, adventurous, exciting, hot, beautiful, knowledgeable, incredible woman Ben ever loved and spent time with. It would take him weeks to write about all her wonderful traits and experiences. He will miss her for eternity. However, Hell’n is equally the opposite, and he will run/hide from her as long as he lives. Hell’n can easily beat down any man. No man is a match for her when she is triggered.

Godspeed.

Appendix

Red Flags that should have been taken more seriously:

Lying about dating someone but wasn’t when Ben first asked Helen on a date

“I may not be capable of a relationship”

“You never want to see me mad”

“You never want to get on my bad side. There’ll be hell to pay!”

“I’m very private. Please don’t tell people about us.”

“Don’t post any pictures of us on Facebook!”

“People at work love you. Please don’t tell anyone from work. They will ask about you all the time and I don’t want to deal with that. If we break up, they’ll think it was my fault and think I’m crazy.”

Unsolicited lying about past relationships.

Lying about how many times Helen was married.

Regularly talking ugly about her exes after 20 years for the first ex and 7 years for the 3rd ex.

Lying about Ben when leaders inquired about him returning to work at the company.

Talking badly about her friends that were supposedly good friends. Lying to them regularly.

Taking too much stuff personally when in an HR role. Impacting others’ careers as a result of personal feelings.

Going behind the site leader’s back, regularly. Trying to get him fired as well as others.

Can’t discuss conflict in person. Has to handle via text or phone call after sometimes days of being distant. Must discuss with one or two of her close friends before discussing with Ben.

Hurting someone on purpose, knowing the things they are most vulnerable.

Little to no empathy for others.

Lots of lies, including at work.

Fabricated a story of why they were having relationship troubles to tell her friends.

Keeping tabs on her exes.

“I started dating you because of your reputation and for the sex.”

Helen had lots of ‘rules’ and requirements to date her, none of which she lived up to herself but expected it of Ben.

Flirting with men behind closed doors but acting like the perfect conservative woman when in public.

Red flags from when Helen was married… some things she said to Ben:

“I miss you” multiple times. “I miss our conversations”.

“Here’s my cell number whenever you decide to call me” multiple times.

Inviting Ben to dinner while on business travel multiple times.

Inviting Ben to lunch and to visit multiple times.

“My husband keeps me in Crown Royal and nice cars, so I don’t step out on him.”