This was written by my 13 yr old grandaughter, without help from any adult. We thought it was very good but would appreciate comments.
I didn't know what to say. Where was I? What was I thinking!? I just wanted to talk to him. To smell his gorgeous fragrance. To look into his bright, blue wonderful eyes. To hear his wonderful, soothing, deep voice. That's all I wanted. I was wrong though! All he thought of me as is a piece of chewing gum, stuck to the bottom of his trainers; a piece of rubbish! He used me, and went. I was hurt what else was I supposed to do? I was lying there in his bed, not knowing what I was doing there, why I was there? He must have got me drunk. I just didn't understand. I had no protection over my naked body. I was scared. I remember my head pounding so much, probably from all the alcohol I'd drunk! Then I knew. He'd got me drunk and had sex with me, and now I can't remember anything!
From then on after that night my life fell apart, like glass onto a tiled floor; it shattered, shattered before my eyes! Now I'm left with nothing but the questions inside my mind: Why did this happen? Was I being punished? What would have happened if I hadn't got drunk that night? Would I have had a life? Would I still have my boyfriend, my best friend? Out of all the people in the world I thought she'd understand! I was mistaken A fool Why, how, what, ran through my mind.
It was time. I needed to pull myself back up onto my feet to show everyone how strong I was. But I was only 14, was I strong enough? I was still at school. I needed time, strength, and my parents still didn't know How would I tell them? They thought I stayed at my friends' house over night! Not in bed with With someone I didn't even know! I pulled myself together. They had to know, they would understand Or would they?
I knew someone who would, who wouldn't think it was a disgrace, someone who would understand, I was certain that he would! I was 100% sure
I'd go and see him, right now. This minute now. I looked at my fancy 80 watch; it was 2:00 in the afternoon. As long as my parents didn't catch me sneaking out I knew it would be O.K I walked out of my room, my mum and dad would be in the Living Room watching some old, soppy film on T.V, loud, full blast in fact. I stuck my trainers on just before I went out the door. I opened the door praying it wouldn't creak. It didn't, thank God! I walked outside careful not to trip over my long flares. I went to shut the door the wind got there first BANG!!!!! I ran, not looking back, trying to hold back the tears as a stitch was running, freely in my stomach.
"Get back here" I heard someone shout. "Jessica! Get back here!" I looked briefly behind me, it was him; it was Leo! The very person I was hoping to see! I stopped and ran towards him.
"Oh, Leo! I just didn't know who to see, who to talk too!" I burst into tears in his arms, my stitch was getting worse. Was it a stitch? I hoped so, for the sake of the thing growing inside me!
Leo looked at me, sympathy ran through his eyes, but I knew he was confused!
"Let's go back to my place!" he suggested, kindly.
"Yes" I sobbed, "Lets go back to your house, just promise me when I tell you, you won't get angry or upset, you'll help me? I just don't know who else to turn to!" tears were rolling, uncontrollably down my face by now.
Leo kept quiet; he tried to keep his confusion in his head. So, he just nodded. I knew that when he nodded he meant it; he wouldn't do something that I didn't want him to do. Even if it meant his sanity, he'd keep quiet!
As soon as I entered Leo's flat I felt security, I didn't feel the need to hide, to be scared of anyone or anything. I sat in silence while Leo made us both a big cup of hot chocolate. I liked the way he made it, he put just enough hot chocolate mixture in; he always made it hot enough to drink straight away, he also put love into it somehow, I don't know how though
"So, what's wrong Jess?" he asked once we'd both sat down with big cups of hot chocolate in our hands, he sounded sympathetic already! My stomach flew around my body.
"It's hard to say" I sobbed. I pondered a few seconds on how to say it, and then I just decided to come straight out with it!
"I'm pregnant." And to my surprise, he just laughed!
"Seriously!" He said, "What's wrong?"
I gasped for air. Suddenly I couldn't breathe!
"Help me" I managed to gasp. I put my cup on the table next to me and fell to my knees clutching my stomach
"Jess, Jessica?" Leo asked me, getting on the floor next to me. "Are you being serious?" He started to look really worried now.
"Yes!" I gasped "I'm not lying. It's true. Help me Help me" I was curled up in a ball by now.
Leo looked shocked. He opened his mouth and closed it like a fish trying to find food in the water. He then sighed. I looked into his eyes. I saw sympathy but through the sympathy I saw fear. For some reason he looked as though he'd feared something. Something worse than going to prison, something worse than death! But is there something worse than death?
"Jessica? Are you going to tell your parents'? You have to. I can't, just can't keep this a secret." He finished. I knew he would though. He would. Or would he? But I was sure, so sure before that he would! What made me doubt him so much, now?
"I'm not telling my parents. They'llThey'll kill me! They'll chuck me out! They'll make me kill it!" I touched my tummy briefly. I was getting attached to it already! I'd only had it a few days and I was getting attached to it! What was wrong with me? This isn't usually what I would be like! I was changing getting more mature, somehow
"Hello?" Leo suddenly said. He was on the phone. I obviously didn't hear it ringing, being in a world of my own. "Yes, she's here." It was obviously my mum. "O.K, I'll just get her for you. Jessica, your mums on the phone, she wants to speak to you." He held out the phone for me. I sat up.
"No, Leo, don't." I pleaded. Leo gave me a funny look "O.k.! O.k., fine" I got up and walked over to Leo, dreading what my mum was going to say Would she be angry that I'd run out? Would she be scared, upset? I just didn't know!
"Hi mum" I said to her, dreading what she was going to say.
"Jessica! Why did you leave like that! We got so worried! We thought you were ill! Were you skyving? Please tell us if something's wrong! Come home, please!"
"Mum, calm down! I'm coming home, and there's nothing wrong!" I answered. "You're such a worrier!" So that's what she was, worried. Wow! That was a first. She was worried about me!
"Are you going to come home?" she repeated.
"Of course I am! Don't be silly! I love living at home!" What I'd just said sounded sad, stupid, and completely pathetic! Then my stomach churned, if I told them, I was so sure they would chuck me out, and then I wouldn't have a home. They wouldn't care about the baby or me! All they'd care about is themselves - nothing else but themselves, that's all they ever thought about is them, them, them and them! Finally she was thinking of someone else - me!
She breathed loudly and the sighed, and obviously she was thinking of me, I knew that they'd been really worried about me; by the way she was talking.
"Good." She said "Good. I'm pleased you like living with us. Be home at 5:00 please." It even sounded stupid when she said it to me.
I looked at my fancy 80 watch, it was 4:30. I wanted to spend more time with Leo, to look at his blue eyes, to smell his wonderful fragrance.
"6" I said "Let me be home at 6, please" I asked, praying she'd say yes.
"O.K., Bye then." She said ending the phone call.
"Bye mum, I love you." I replied.
She stopped. Sighed.
"I love you too." She said jerkily; it sounded as though it caused her great pain to tell me she loved me, what if she didn't love me? But I had more important things to worry about!
I put the phone down.
"What time do you have to be home? Leo asked me
"6" I replied simple; I was still deep in thought.
"O.k." Leo replied.
I started crying; I was scared. Would Leo despair of me like everyone else? Would he be disgusted with me like everyone else, would he be like a sheep and follow the crowd?
"Jessica, come here." He said. So I went and collapsed into his open arms, I felt safety. Security. Help. I recognised his smell.
"Leo?" I asked.
"Yes" he replied.
"You've got the same smell he did" I told him "The one who did this to me. Who made my life shatter before my eyes!" I said dramatically
"R-r-really? He had the same smell? Maybe he used Lynx phoenix-like me!" he replied, as though I was accusing him, but I wouldn't. I wouldn't because Leo wouldn't do something like that to me! He loves me too much!
"Why did you stutter?" I asked him, curiously and suspiciously.
"Because I'm worried about you and the baby, are you going to keep it or will you have an abortion?"
I hit the roof. I jumped out from his arms, like a torpedo!
"AN ABORTION" I shouted "YOU SAW WHAT I WAS LIKE - ATTACHED TO THIS BLOODY THING AND YOU SUGGEST AN ABORTION! ARE YOU FLIPPING MAD?"
"Calm down, Jess! Don't get upset, I don't want you to get upset - especially in your condition. So I take it you're going to keep heror him?" he asked. In my condition! Just because I was pregnant it doesn't mean I've got a disease or something! I'm just normal, I'm just me! I'm just pregnant.
"Yes I bloody well am! There's a living thing inside me and and if I get rid of it, I'll feel so guilty because it would be like like I've murdered someone." I explained, I'd calmed down quickly, probably because Leo was there, I still felt angry inside though, angry at myself and the man who'd done this to me, wherever he was now, I wondered how many other girls lives' he was going to ruin before he got caught.
"You'd better go now." He simply replied. I looked at the clock on his wall; it was 5:30, the time had just flown by, I was obviously sitting in Leos arms' for a long time!
"Bye." I replied
"Bye." We hugged, stiffly, then I just walked out, it was too 'formal' for me, so I ran back to him and hugged him so hard it was as though he was going to pop!
"I love you" He suddenly said. I looked at his bright, blue eyes. I recognised them from one night no, I recognised them because it was Leo!
"I love you too, Leo!" I replied.
On the way home I saw Lauren, my best friend, or who was my best friend, with all my other ex-friends. I looked at Lauren, straight into her eyes, she looked back at me as if saying sorry for being such a cow, then she turned away and when she looked back at me, again, I saw disgust in her eyes; I had explained that I was drunk but she still thought it was terrible being pregnant at the age of 14. As I walked past them, trying to keep my head up high, they sniggered at me and then Helen said:
"Hi, I thought you might be a bit fatter now!" It just showed how thick she was; I was only a couple of days pregnant! As I walked past I saw Mary look as though her waters had broken and she said:
"Oh, no, take me to a hospital, I'm having my baby!" All the girls laughed. I craved to be them, laughing and joking, not stuck with this stupid baby, this stupid bloody thing! Then, my thoughts and feelings changed; I felt guilty now because I'd been horrible to the living thing inside me, and I felt that, yes, I did want this baby, I was certain. I was 100% positive
Without knowing, I was home already.
"Dinner needs micro-waving." My mum told me shortly
"What have I got?" I asked
"Liver, Mash, Carrot's, and Peas." She answered
"Liver?" I repeated. 'Oh no! I can't have liver! What shall I do? Oh no!' I thought.
"Yes, honey, I thought you liked liver?" she asked, confused.
"No! Where did you get that from? I hate liver! Anyway I'm not too hungry; I had a sandwich at Leos." I lied, I hated lying, but it was the only way out of this!
"Oh, ok then, just eat what you can, the rest can go in the bin."
"O.k." I replied, as I was putting my dinner in the micro-wave.
"Are you O.k. Jess? You look really pale." My mum got worried easily, as you could tell from the phone call at Leos' house.
"Pale? I must have too much make-up on then!" I replied, simply.
"O.k., are you sure, I can't tell what you feel, I usually can, you look upset, worried, happy, bursting to tell me something What is it? Please tell me! I won't hit the roof or anything. Unless you've been taking drugs - or are pregnant!" she joked. My stomach churned. I forced a fake laugh. I was pregnant. She was going to hit the roof! I was in BIG trouble.
As the weeks and months (3 and months into my pregnancy) flew by, I was getting bigger and it was really starting to show, although my parents hadn't noticed yet; I was wearing baggy clothes. Also, I was now going to school, and my school uniform wasn't baggy, I had no friends and was starting to get bullied; naturally the whole school knew-except the teachers, which I was glad of because the school would phone my parents, and tell them
"Come in" said Mrs Jenkinson, my history teacher.
"You wanted to see me?" I asked closing the door.
"Yes, yes" She said vaguely "Your grades' have been going down, but also I've noticed your not friends with anyone. Can you give me a reason for this? You know you can tell me anything don't you?" she said giving me a look, which screamed at me 'TELL ME, TELL ME!'
"Yes miss, I do. If I was to tell you can you promise me that you won't call my parents, or tell any other teachers without my permission?" I asked her, knowing the answer
"I can't promise, but"
"If you can't promise, I can't tell." I interrupted, shortly. Then, I just turned around and walked out, although she did call me back, I just ignored her. When I came out Daniel was waiting outside. My stomach did a big leap, all around my body, but maybe that was my baby
"Come to tease me have you? Do I look fat?" I said, nastily
"Sorry." He said, simply.
"Sorry? Sorry? Well, finally someone's being nice to me! Thank GOD!" I said, sarcastically.
"I've been doing some thinking. When I asked you out I was ready for you to cheat on me; I knew you didn't fancy me and you didn't over 2 years cheat on me once. Now that you're"
"SHH!!" I interrupted "Miss might be listening!"
"Yeah, well, er I just thought I'd stick by you. I was shocked when you told me. Also, I thought you wouldn't keep the baby and you are going to, so if you don't find out who the dad is, I'll pretend to be." He finished with desperation I'd never heard in his voice before. I hadn't realised that he'd mentioned the baby I was looking at him with a mixture of admiration and pity. He wanted to be a dad at the age of 14?!
"Are you sure?" I asked, although I knew he was pretty determined; he certainly looked like he was.
"Yes, but only as friends. Or if you want too"
"Er O.k. as" I couldn't finish! I just was speechless at how Daniel was going to stick by me.
"You two better get to class. You'll get told off." She told us.
"Miss, were you listening?" I asked worried that she'd found out; I'd realised Daniel had mentioned the baby, but didn't care; I was still in a state of shock!
She didn't answer my question, she just smiled mysteriously and shooed us off to class.
"Do you think she knows?" Daniel asked me as we were walking to English.
"Yes, she knows which means my parents will find out, which means I'll be chucked out, which means I'll"
"How do you know she'll tell your parents? How do you know you'll get chucked out?" He asked me.
I thought. Maybe he was right; maybe I wouldn't get chucked out. Maybe my parents would support me! I doubted it though. They'd never supported me, as far as I knew my mum having me was just a big mistake!
"Daniel and Jessica up a tree" someone teased. We both turned around. It was Lauren. I opened my mouth to say something but Daniel got there first.
"Get stuffed, Lauren!" He told her.
"Why should I? Are you the daddy?" Lauren asked, teasing Daniel.
"No, but least I'm supporting her, which is more than I can say for you!" He threw back.
"Yeah, well, I'm not pregnant" she started.
"You're just a selfish little cow!" I interrupted.
"Come on Dan" Lauren looked at me as if to say she wanted to be mates with me again, but couldn't. Her eyes didn't say why though. Maybe Daniel had seen it because he said:
"Let's go. I need to talk to you, we'll talk during English." English was easily my best subject! I always got 'A's! I didn't need to try in English. Daniel did though! Especially as he wanted to be a journalist!
"No, we'll talk at lunch-time. You need to concentrate in English!" I replied.
"Are you saying I'm crap at English?" He asked me moodily.
"No, I'm just saying that" I got interrupted.
"Come on! Stop that gibbering, get into class!" Our English teacher, Mr Lainey said.
"Ok! We're going!" I replied cheekily. Luckily, Mr Lainey didn't hear me; if he had I probably would have got 500 words to do tonight on top of my French and Science homework.
We all sat down and once all the chatting had died down Mr Lainey cleared his throat (as always) and said:
"We have been working on our poetry skills. I want you for homework to do a poem about someone, who is here now. I want you to start this now and for it to be in on Tuesday (It was Friday.) Any questions, or does anyone not know what to do?" he asked the class.
I put my hand up.
"Do we have to say the name of the person in our poem?" I asked, knowing who I was going to do.
"No, you don't have to have the name of the person in your poem as afterwards people could guess who he or she is! Any more questions?" He repeated.
People started asking stupid questions like:
"When does it have to be in?" and "Can we do it on someone who isn't in this room?"
I started to get a bit tired (Carrying a 3 and month old baby isn't easy!) I put my head on the desk
I was flying over some mountains, they weren't snowy and cold; they were green and warm 'That's strange!' I thought. I looked down; I was on the back of an Eagle, a great Eagle, with massive wings that moved up and down, as though the Eagle was supported by the wind, and nothing else. No-one was there, except me and the Eagle. I felt safety on the Eagle, I never wanted to leave his back; never to touch ground again, and I wanted to stay in the cool, breezy air forever!
"My name's shield." said a deep, strong voice.
I looked around, no-one was there!
"Who's talking?" I shouted, my voice echoed through the valleys and ditches in the green, warm mountains.
"No need to shout!" said the voice. Then, something occurred to me, it could be the Eagle! It was like something waking up in my mind.
"It's me, the Eagle talking. I am taking you to DEATH!" Shouted the Eagle like thunder! Suddenly what was a nice, cool breeze, turned into a cold, strong wind, like a tornado! I grabbed on to the Eagles neck trying to stay on
"Help!!" I shouted "HELP ME!"
Someone was shaking me.
"Jess, Jessica, wake up, we've got to do our poems." said Daniel. I opened my eyes and pushed the hair out of my face.
"O.k." I muttered, "O.k.!" I sat up straight; the light was blinding, even though it really was dim, so I closed my eyes again, and rubbed them.
"I just had a really strange dream!" I told Daniel.
"You'd better get on with your work." Daniel said "Mr Lainey will have you for lunch otherwise!"
"O.k." I replied, still laughing.
"So, tell me about your dream, what happened, before I woke you up you were muttering, 'Help! Help!' So it must have been something bad" he said sounding worried.
We started doing our poems, I did mine about Daniel, and he did his about me. His wasn't really good, although I didn't say so. I finished telling Daniel my dream:
"So, that's why I was muttering Help! Help!"
"I'm confused." He said, 'oh no!' I thought Daniel was usually really good at interpreting dreams. "So, this Eagle suddenly was taking you to 'death'. I don't understand Is there any-one who you feel safety, and security with at the moment?" He asked.
"Yes" I said without thinking. "Leo, my mum and dads best friend" I said as I held the door open for Daniel; we were leaving the English room
"Oh no." Daniel replied "Oh no, I can't tell you, sorry, I can't tell you what that dream meant. Oh no, this is bad!" he sort of said to himself.
"What's bad? Daniel, please tell me! Is Leo going to er?" I was no good at interpreting dreams. "Please just tell me!" I pushed.
"No, you'd be heart-broken and I don't want to be the one who does that. You'll just have to forget about it, plus I don't want you to break the 'friendship' between you and this Leo" Daniel had said 'Leo' with a lot of dislike, hatred, and loathing. I wondered why, he'd never even met Leo, how could he hate him, he was a kind, gentle, person who'd never hurt me then it hit me. Leo was the dad, he'd had sex with me, that's why his smell was so familiar, that's why he stuttered when I told him that the man who'd done this to me had the same smell, it all made sense! It fitted like a puzzle!
"Look, I've got to go; I need to get to my history lesson. I'll talk to you at lunch-time, bye." He walked of through the crowd leaving me looking stupid and worried.
Lauren, Mary and Helen made their way from English to History. Laughing and joking about what they'd done last night.
"I watched Eastenders last night" Helen said "I think Vicki's pregnant. Remind you of someone?" they sat down all thinking of what Helen had just said. Everyone suddenly we nt quiet.
"Right class, today I will be putting you in pairs and you will do a test for each other on World War 1. Everyone seems to be in pairs except" she paused and looked around, "Lauren and Jessica" Miss Jenkinson looked at me with sorrow; she sent her heart out to me. "Lauren, move next to Jessica please."
"Miss, can't I go in a three with Mary and Helen?" Lauren asked straight away.
"No. Go with Jessica, I thought you two used to be best friends?" asked Miss Jenkinson, confused.
"Things have changed" I said, taking myself by surprise. "She's not a good as friend as I thought she ditched me."
"Well, erm you still have to go together. Lauren move, now!" She said more sternly than she meant.
Lauren gathered all her things up and moved next to me, once we'd got working, she said to me:
"Just 'cos you've got Daniel on your side, it doesn't mean that you'll get me on your side! I'm not the one who got pregnant with someone who I don't even know I'm not the one"
"At least I'm not the one who ditched her friends 'cos of something that could happen to anyone!" I threw back.
"You could've had an abortion!" She snarled
"What would you have done?" she asked "Would you have been willing to kill something that's yours and that no-one could take away from you! Would you? Would you, Lauren?" I asked, my eyes bulging.
"Well, no but" She looked lost for words.
"You're just too stubborn to think what it would be like for me, you always think of yourself! It's just me, me, me isn't it? ISN'T IT!" I half-shouted, my eyes bulging even more.
"N-no!" she stammered, she obviously never knew I could be so horrible "Look. I'm sorry, once you put it that way I understand. I would have done the same thing. I would have kept it. Friends?" she asked, holding her hand out to me.
I didn't say anything. I thought 'I only had Daniel; it would be great to have Lauren as a friend again NO!! It wouldn't. She's the one who ditched me. She's the one who left me when I needed a friend I couldn't '
"NO!!" I shouted and ran out of the class room, crying. I went to the toilets, and stayed there for the rest of the lesson. No-one came to get me
Another week passed by and (thank god) my parents hadn't noticed, yet. I was in my room watching Eastenders, and my mum had called me down. I went into the living room. The atmosphere was tense. I couldn't stand it. My mum looked sorrowful.
"I've noticed something. Ever since you came back from Leos' house you've been getting bigger" she said as soon as we'd both sat down.
'O god she's noticed!' I thought. I got ready for what she was going to say. Where was I going to live? Surely she'd chuck me out!
"Are you pregnant? Tell me the truth. I just want to know." said June, my mum, giving me the same look Miss Jenkinson gave me when she wanted to know the same thing.
I pondered on what to say, just like at Leos' all those months ago. But I'd trusted Leo and I was so sure she'd chuck me out what was I going to do?! There was no point in lying any longer
"Yes. I'll go pack my stuff." I said, before she had the chance to answer. Thoughts ran through my mind, where was I going to say? Maybe Daniel would let me live with him! No, his parents wouldn't let him! Maybe I could go and live with Leo, but he was the one who done this to me! He was the one who made my life shatter before my very eyes! I couldn't live with him; I couldn't risk it happening again! What should I do?!
"Pack your stuff? No, no in this house I don't chuck people out because they are are pregnant." It was as though she didn't like the word 'pregnant' as though it was a bullet into her heart.
"There's something I need to tell you. Firstly Michael isn't your dad. I honestly don't know who your dad is" she said to me, trying to make this sound as 'normal' as possible. It wasn't though!
"What!" I exploded! All the anger that was locked up inside me just exploded out in one sentence! "You don't know who my real dad is? What! Why" I shouted; I was speechless. Then it hit me. The same thing happened to my mum. Or did it? Was I just the result of a one-night-stand that happened to her when she was 20? Was I just a living lie?
"You have to understand that I didn't really know what I was doing I was drunk you see. I was out with my friends and" her voice tailed away as though it cause her a lot of pain to remember what happened that night. "Of course your father doesn't know. It would break his heart all he ever wanted was a little girl. He was so happy when I told him I was pregnant and II just could bring myself to tell him you weren't his." She finished. She let out a long, painful sigh.
"What so I was the result of a one-night-stand?" I shouted.
"Who had a one-night-stand?" asked my dad or who was my dad, mindlessly as he walked into the living-room. He didn't notice the tense atmosphere, or exactly what he was walking in to.
"We were just talking about girly things, wasn't we Jess?" said my mum, determined that my ex-dad wasn't going to find out.
"Yeah." I sounded in a voice unlike my own "Can I use the phone? I need to phone someone." I asked.
"Of course you can honey bunny" my dad said. My stomach, or the baby, flipped upside down. He had called me that ever since I was little. Howhow could my mum cope with that hanging on her back all her life? She'd obviously learnt how to deal with it!
"Hello, is Daniel there?" I asked Daniels mum on the phone, I was sitting on my bed still speechless about the information I had just uncovered.
"Yes" she replied "Who is it?"
"It's Jessica" I told her.
"O.k. I'll just go and get him." Daniels mum replied.
"Hello?" he asked. "Are you O.K Jess?"
"No. I'm my mum knows I'm pregnant and I haven't been chucked out."
"Well, that's good news. But what's wrong?" he'd obviously noticed there was something wrong from my tone of voice.
"Well. I'll put it this way. I'm the bloody result of a one-night-stand. And my mum doesn't know who my real dad is!" I said, looking for sympathy, but also thinking, 'can my life get any worse?'
"Oh well that's not too good no, that's terrible."
"Do you remember when I had that dream in English about a week ago? I've finally worked out what that dream meant. Leo's Leo's the dad isn't he, Daniel? Tell me the truth!"
"O.k. He is but but don't do anything stupid. He already knows you're pregnant, right? So, he must be feeling really guilty, that's enough for him to deal with at the moment isn't it? So don't do anything stupid." He said this as if he knew I would do something stupid!
"No. I won't. I'm going to see him now, can you come?" I asked, hoping he could.
"Jess. Don't go he you O.k. I'll meet you outside the shops in 5 minutes. O.k.?" he replied, obviously going against his gut felling.
"O.k. See you in 5 minutes then."
I got my shoes on and went to go out.
"Where are you going, young lady?" asked my mum
"Out, to see a friend." I replied, shortly.
"No you're not, not in your condition." She replied, sternly
"Yes I am. I'll be home about 9, if not I've got my mobile, so you can contact me. See you later" I replied, walking out.
"Jessica! Don't go! Jessica!" she shouted after me, worryingly, but I was already halfway down the path! She obviously didn't know the importance of me going out.
"Jessica?" shouted Daniel
"Daniel!" I shouted back. We ran to hug each other.
"Let's go, then. Let's go to Leo's house."
We were both silent walking to Leo's house. What was I going to say? He... How could he do this to me? He said he loved me!
"He said he loved me. The last time I saw him he said he loved me! I don't believe it. He knew!" I said out loud, accidentally
"Jess, please, let's leave this till we get to his house."
"We're here." I knocked on the door
"Jessica! What are you doing here? Who's this?" he asked.
"Can we come in?" I asked, trying to sound calm, as though nothing was wrong!
"Yeah, of course." He replied. 'He looks so innocent!' I thought 'whywhy would he do this to me?'
Once we'd sat down with some coke each, not hot chocolate. I didn't feel like drinking the love he put into it, I started talking.
"I know." I said to him, he looked confused
"You know what?" he asked
"I know that you did this to me" I looked at my belly. The baby my baby, not his. For the first time in my life I felt hatred towards Leo. I never thought, not in all my life that, I would feel hatred towards Leo. Never!
"That I had how do you know?" he asked, sounding scared and confused.
"It doesn't matter how she knows, you idiot, but all I know is you've ruined the life of an innocent 14 year old girl. You practically raped her!" Daniel snarled.
"What's it got to do with you?" Leo snarled back
"Everything!" I shouted! "If he hadn't have been here for me, I don't know what I would have done!" I stood up.
"Do your parents know it's me?" he asked, sounding even more scared.
"No." I replied "But I could tell them. Couldn't I, oh, I wonder what my mum would say my dad! What would he say! You you were his best man at their wedding
It was you. You had the one-night-stand with my mum didn't you? You practically just raped your daughter! Oh my god! I don't believe you you're sick!" I sat down and put my head in my hands.
"I'm not going to deny, any of what you just said, Jessica, but I want you to know that if you tell your dad that I had a one-night-stand with your mum, your mum and dad will get divorced! Look, Jessica"
"Just shut up! Shut up! I don't believe this! I don't believe you! I thought I thought... how could you!? I'm going." And with those last few words I ran not knowing where to go, or what to do.
"O.k., I just want you to know" said Daniel "that you have broken the law. Twice. So, we could go to the police! But I hope you feel extremely guilty now. Very guilty" Daniel grabbed his jacket and left, after me.
"Oh Daniel!" I sobbed and I burst into tears on his shoulder "I'm so glad you're here for me, what would I do without you?!"
After that day, the months just flew by. I was now nearly 9 months into my pregnancy, and my mum had supported me beyond my wildest dreams. I keep forgetting. She's been there too. But she still didn't know that Leo was my dad, or the dad of my baby. Daniel told his parents that he was going to be the dad of my baby, although they tried to talk him out of it, they accepted what he wanted to do. I was so glad they let him do that; I couldn't handle what was happening if it wasn't for him and my mum. I wasn't sure if my dad knew, as my mum had brought me lots of baggy, maternity clothes. Also, she swore me to secrecy that I was the result of a one-night-stand. She made me swear not to tell my 'dad', I wouldn't anyway, it would break his heart!
I was at school when I fell into labour. I was in the middle of an English lesson. Daniel was with me, which was wonderful. We were supposed to be comparing the 2 poems Mr Lainey had given us, we were just mucking about though!
"Daniel! I think my waters have broken! I think I'm in labour!" I said suddenly in the middle of one of his jokes.
"What? Mr Lainey will never let us go out!" he gasped
"What's all this fuss about?" he asked walking towards us.
"Sir!" I gasped; the contractions were starting to take place "I'm in labour!"
"Don't be ridiculous! You're not even pregnant!"
"Andhowwouldyouknow!" I said, gritting my teeth. The contractions were very painful!
"Really?" he asked, his eyes widening, behind his square glasses.
"Yes!" Daniel said for me, "I'll take her to matron, shall I?" he said picking me up. The whole class was watching by now.
"Yes, yes, hurry up!" he replied, sounding completely useless!
Daniel pulled me out of my chair, we were on our way to matrons' when someone said:
"Aren't you two supposed to be in class?" It was my history teacher, Mrs Jenkinson.
"She's in labour, miss, quick call an ambulance!"
"O.k. take her to Matron Daniel, thank you!" and ran of down the corridor to the reception.
"Yes yes miss!" Daniel panted
He took me down the corridor to matrons' office.
"Excuse me, but I believe I was first to see matron, you two" said Lauren, moving in the way of the door.
"Wellyou'reverywelcometoseeherI'm onlyinlabour! OW!!!!!!" I screamed.
"What's all this noise about, what's the matter Jessica?" asked Matron
"She's in labour she's pregnant" he added before matron could ask
"Where is she?" asked an ambulance women
"She's here" replied matron.
"O.k. Have you got a room? There's no time to take her to hospital"
"Yes yes In here, stay back Daniel"
"NoOW! Lethimcome! OW!!!!"
It took 3 hours for her to be born. It was so painful, but worth it. Me and Daniel are now living together we called her Amy Jayne Helen Silas (my surname not Leo's) you might think everything is happy now, now that little Amy was born and that. But no my life will never be perfect!
"Mum. There's something I need to tell you. I know who the father of me and little Amy is. It's Leo." I said on a Saturday morning a few years after Amy was born. I thought my dad was out getting his paper as he always did on a Saturday morning. I was wildly mistaken
"LEO!" shouted my dad. He'd overheard what I just said "June, Leo isn't the father of Jessica, I am!" my dad looked at my mum, and she shook her head "You were having an affair! JUNE! How could you!?" My 'dad' sounded pleading and hurt
"No! Michael! I wasn't having an affair. He got me drunk. I didn't have the heart to tell you!" she replied. "It wasn't my fault I didn't know what I was doing!" she pleaded
"Leo is the dad of little Amy! He was my best man! He's outside now. I know how to sort this out." Cursing, he went out of the room and got Leo.
"Mum! I'm so sorryI didn't"
"Don't worry honey, it can't be helped. He was going to find out one way or another." She looked as though she was going to burst into tears, and as though she knew this was going to happen.
"Leo. Jessica says you are the father of her and little Amy. Is this true?" I stared hard at Leo, straight into his eyes. I could see fear. Fear beyond anything. Nevertheless, he nodded.
"Yes. It's true, Michael" he sounded braver than he looked "but, I can promise you neither knew what they were doing. I got them both drunk and"
"I don't believe you!" He shouted "Get out and never even walk down this street again! You're SICK!"
"But Michael I I" he stuttered
"Go!" he said, pointing to the door. After about 5 minutes awkward silence, Michael said
"Right, June. I'm sorry, but you've lied to me for 17 years (I was now 17) and, as you know, I don't like liars, so, we are going to have to get a divorce! It's over. I'll go pack my stuff now." He said this so firmly, I'd never heard my 'dad' use that tone of voice before.
"Michael! No!" my mum was in floods of tears. "I'm so sorry! I didn't Michael please don't leave! Michael!"
It was the most horrible thing that I've ever had to watch in my whole life! Imagine watching your parents' splitting up. Leo, who I thought was so kind, ruined my parents' marriage. I won't say he ruined my life because I've got Daniel and little Amy. Amy doesn't remind me of Leo, which is good.
Amy is now 7 and me and Daniel are 21. Daniels got a good job, and I haven't heard from Leo or my dad since the morning mum and him broke up. I still think it's my fault though. If I hadn't have been so stupid and told mum more privately then, everything would've been perfect. Mum has moved to Barbados her reasons: 'to get away from this hell-hole' and 'to get a tan and maybe a boyfriend!' But even though she's miles away, we still keep in touch, and I'm glad mums now happy. I'm sure that my life will be just great from now on! Just as I was sure that I wanted Amy all those years ago!