It was a fine wedding. The day executed exactly how the bride had dreamt of since her first memories of her life. It helped that her family and friends acted accordingly, it helped that her to-be husband was exceptionally handsome and well presented, but it mostly helped that her father put down $30,000 to finance her little girl's fantasy wedding.
Ding-ding-ding.
Mike stood up to finally give the traditional best man toast to the audience that crowded the ballroom of the town's ritziest hotel.
"Alright everybody," He said.
The bride became anxiously nauseous as she noticed that Mike was apparently intoxicated with clues given from his wrinkly untucked shirt and his loose untied bow tie. At least he's coherent, but make this quick, she thought.
Mike continued, "I've learned a lot about relationships, marriage, and most of all love just by being there for my buddy, Danny and his brand new gorgeously beautiful wife, Lindsey. I learned from Danny and Lindsey that what makes a marriage work more than just love is trust."
The crowd nodded with smiles. Lindsey's anxiety increased to level-terror.
"You see people trust is the key to a long lasting and loving marriage. Last week I told Lindsey that I was going to have a house party for Danny's bachelor party and you know what Lindsey said? That's okay Mike because I trust Danny and most of all I trust you. So we had a house party. Lindsey said that she trusts Danny but there was a condition to that trust: no strippers. Okay? Kind of left me a little confused as well as empty handed for Danny's bachelor party. So what to do what to do what to do? I held up my promise with Lindsey and did not hire any strippers so instead I hired escort girls. Very very talented escort girls. And these lovely ladies provided a nice PG PG-13 show for Danny and our friends which was followed by a series of wardrobe malfunctions. You might be wondering how all of us groomsmen let this happen and I only have one word: ecstasy and a shit load of it. The experience is kind of a haze which is why I made sure Ricky filmed it all. Don't worry Rick. You had no idea what you were doing. Well one thing led to another and Danny ended up in another room with one of the other escort girls. Misty, I think that was her name."
Sam, another groomsman, walked over to Mike to take the microphone away in a calm manner to avoid a dramatic scene. Mike swiped the microphone out of his reach and pushed Sam away while continuing, "It's not my business to speculate what happened, but a lot of sounds, mostly the good lord's name, were coming out of that room. We can find out later because Ricky was also in the room with them. I set this all up Lindsey and you're probably wondering why. What the hell is wrong with you Mike? You're talking like a crazy person! I did it to show you that you should be with me! I'm sorry that I used your wedding day to make this statement but it has to be said. Lindsey, will you be with me?"
Lindsey's jaw dropped face nodded side to side.
"Okay. No? You don't want to be... Okay you don't want to be with me. Uhmmm. And you see people that was a test to prove the thesis of my toast. It's all about trust. Danny, you met a class act girl and you can trust her. That's great. That's just great."
Mike lifted his champagne glass to the air. He was the only person in the crowd to do this.
"Lindsey and Danny. Cheers," he proclaimed as he drowned his drink with one gulp and threw the empty glass behind him to shatter on someone else's table.