Casey and the Dirty Tramp

by Matt Triewly



As many of you know I worked quite a bit as a conductor on the Ryde Dotto Train over the last couple of years.

The regular driver was Casey.

One day, whilst waiting our time on the Esplanade, an old drunken tramp turned up and plonked himself down on one of the many benches.

He was bearded, dirty and in possession of a few cans of cider.

As the afternoon wore on and we completed trip after trip the old bugger was still there on the bench dozing on and off with the soporific effect of the alcohol.

Suddenly to our amazement and disgust he took out his willy, whilst lying on the bench, and just started urinating - the public toilets were just ten yards away.

Casey says to me: "I'll teach the dirty fucker!"

Within seconds of relieving himself Mr Drunken Tramp was snoring on the bench.

"What you going to do?" I asked Casey.

Casey picked up his lunchbox and took out some leftover sandwiches and then tore them into small pieces.

"Where's the CCTV pointing?" he asked me.

"Away from us."


He wandered quietly over to the tramp and carefully placed a whole load of the bread around him.

Within seconds hundreds of seagulls where wheeling around and on the tramp.

I was reminded of The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock.

The tramp soon woke up and was quite agitated by all the commotion - I could see he was quite disorientated. And I could imagine him thinking: Fuck, this isn't the normal delirium tremors hallucination. What's happened to the bats?

At this point Casey and myself drove off, just as the CCTV swivelled round - I wonder what the operators thought when they saw the tramp being 'attacked' by the flock of seagulls.

When we returned about forty minutes later he was gone.

It was very funny to watch!

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