Besides Shaking the Piss Out of Henry Rollins, Dave Funk Also Did This

by Mark Wynn

Preface

Hanging around Dave Funk was like being in the eye of a hurricane. You knew it had to get wild before it calmed back down.


Most people know the story of when Funk latched on to Henry Rollins and kind of shook him like a bitch, no definently shook him like a bitch. I remember the look me and Demian had looked about the same. Like our granny just kicked us in the nuts. But I got a more entertaining story of Dave at a show I think.

The Rollins story is an awesome story legendary Funk. But people don't believe it so I don't even tell it. About the 3rd telling and the obvious disinterest in me telling it proved everyone just thought I was lying. Ive seen that look a few times with other stories.

I date this story by saying its when Stanton died. I was so fucking disappointed I had to leave Marietta. So I rode my Motorcycle to Daves in New Orleans.

I think Dave had a love/hate relationship with Skinheads. He liked their company for some unknown reason. Well I think they were Just an easy group to deal with for him. He could speak their language. He told me many times he had no problem with minorities. Im sure he beat up 50 skins for every black person. And just cause you have to whip a black guy don't make you a racist. Well anyway knowing this...

I had been in NOLA 2 weeks and Dave wanted to go to this show... I never caught the name of the place but it was H2o, Backwash, and someone else. Doesnt matter cause we definently didnt make it to the Last band. So as soon as we arrived... Before this Dave had consumed his nightly 5th of whiskey, the same fuel he was on at the Rollins show, and we immediately start seeing skinheads. Funk perked up like a hunting dog that hears his master.

Well apparently they had músic playing before the show and Funk was full blast in the pit immediately. At some point I heard something about all these pussy skinheads, cause all the skinheads were like younger than us and it set Funk off. Like he acted like they were all going to be his prison bitch. He gets himself all worked up by running in a huge circle. Just running people over!

The pit cleared out pretty quick and Funk was máster of the circle now and getting larger and larger. Everybody's formed around this circle like an eye of a hurricane, Hurricane Dave was swamping every vessel right and left. Im right there watching intently and I see this big guy on the other side of the circle swinging at Daves head with everything he had. Several times this happens and Dave always slipped out of the way in time.

This is when the band started and 30 seconds into the first song the crowd riot immediately. Dave just had everyone so tense. All I remember was it was pretty fucking intense for a minute. I had to get on the stage cause it was fists a flying. I swear i could hear the fists making contact with people. So i end up on the stage right beside the guy singing. Who immediately stops playing and says, If you assholes cant calm down we are leaving the stage. So shit chilled out and I made the snap judgement to stage dive dramatically right on the first note, the kicker was I only hit Funk. As i left the amp and went airborne I thought if this is what he wants Ill give it to him so no one else has to. Man, I come down on Dave like an asshole seeking missile and he slams the floor so hard he breaks beer bottles. He was mad as fuck and I was laughing my ass off cause that was the first funny thing I had seen that night.

Of course another skirmish developed and quiets down quickly. As Im surrounded by bouncers theyre saying thats the one! Im like fuck its that Mother Fucker, pointing at Dave. Someone says you can both get the fuck out! And as we go toward the door willingly Funks in front of me and I keep getting pushed from behind so about the second time im fired up and I don't even Iook I Just throw this punch straight back. But I don't hit anything and thats obviously their Last warning as far as I was concerned.

So of course the asshole pushes me again and I start clobbering him and we all go out the door and slam this car. I got the guy in a head lock hammering him and I look over Funks got two or three on him and unexpectedly they stop fighting!? And thats when I realize no ones helping this fucker Im punching. For Just a second Im Hammering away freely and they break us up. Thats when I realized it was a kind of middle aged dude that turned out to be the Owner of the place. This ends with Dave getting his $5 back! I was pissed at Dave and we ended up fist fighting the next morning over the $5. His old lady, Kelly? The exotic massage girl jumped on my back as we fought. Anyway thats when I left NOLA. That night was the Last of many night exactly like this. And the Rollins Show wouldve ended like that too if not for the handywork of Henry's crack squad of G-string clad big time wrestlers working for him. Someone has got to ask Rollins if he remembers that.

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