Greetings lads and lasses, are you tired of being allergic to dogs or having to feed them but you hate pesky squirrels defecating on your cucumbers or pesky neighbors watching you shower and stealing strands of your hair while you sleep? We introduce Rolling Cunt dog or RC dog for short. He will roll all over your backyard intimidating anything that moves. And is that pesky neighbor back at it again with stealing your toothpaste to lubricate his sexual desires? RC dog comes with fully rechargeable 10000v tasers which will make anyone wish they were in Alcatraz in the late 1960s. RC dog comes with multiple other features such as getting the newspaper. Heck, he'll even get you the newspaper delivery boy if your basement is soundproof enough. RC dog comes with multiple sound settings starting with your friendly warning yap and ending with the sound of total atomic annihilation. You can even import your own sounds. Are screams of the damned what turn you on? Well you can advertise that to every damn squirrel in the neighborhood. Did you ex-wife leave you with 2 horrible kids and her student loan debts? Well advertise what a bitch she was to the whole damn neighborhood. RC dog will roll all over your life and the lives of those who dare oppose you. Buy your very own RC dog right now for only 499.99 USD.
Are archaic torture methods your kink? Well we have that too. RC dog even has a built in trebuchet for you to launch jars of expired mayonnaise at the guy who got your daughter pregnant. Take some responsibility Craig! (What kind of fucking name is Craig anyways?) Don't like your daughter's new boyfriend's name? Just fucking kill him. RC dog comes with a guillotine. You'll never have to see his name again unless its in an obituary. And if you jus happen to spill some blood in your cucumber garden due to your latest late night decapathon, RC dog will just lick it up. He'll lick anything including your balls. Buy now the patrol puppy that will satisfy your every desire!
Uh oh, You're the prime suspect in the murder of Craig Hilton. No worries, RC dog comes with a built in flamethrower to burn all the evidence you want. He'll even burn the cops if they ask enough questions.
Oh no you're wanted for the murder of a 17 year old boy, 2 police officers, and they found the missing newspaper delivery boy in your basement! Luckily for you, RC Dog shits liquid drywall.
Good luck in court!
Has the department of homeland security ever called your product a menace to society and a tool for terrorism? Me too! Due to legal reasons RC Dog has now become keychain sized and will make little barking noises if you touch it. Buy now 1.99 USD.