With Syblings Like This

by Tobias Pettersson

I love my brother. I really do. I know he will always be there for me when I need him. Unfortunately being a good brother doesn't mean he is a good house guest. I'm always very happy to see him when he comes to visit, but I'm always even happier when he leaves.

He doesn't mean to cause havoc. He is just being himself; lazy, hungry, thirsty, clumsy and with the attention span of a 5 year old on a sugar rush. Crazy things just seem to happen where ever he goes. Accidents if you will.

Take the last time he visited for example. He had bought a six pack of beer and put them in my freezer when he arrived. Just for a minute he said. He wanted them to get cold as fast as possible. Of course he forgot them. When I got home they had all exploded and the beer splashed around in the freezer had frozen. It was late so I decided to leave it until the morning. Big mistake. When we got up the next morning we saw a big pool of beer and melted ice cream, the beer explosion had apparently caused the freezer to stop working during the night and the floor was a mess. I was on the verge of breakdown when my brother exclaimed,

"Hey, you got your own frat boy"

"What?", I said in a very short tone.

"Yeah, he takes your beer without asking permission in the evening. Then he blacks out in the kitchen and pees all over the place in the middle of the night"

"Well, I've never seen anyone pee ice cream before", I replied with a chuckle. I couldn't help myself from laughing at the situation.

My brother is a rather big fellow and sometimes he forgets how strong he is. Especially when he gets upset. He doesn't mean to destroy things, it just happens in the heat of the moment. One time when he visited me he borrowed my car to go to the supermarket and pick up some beer. He likes his beer. When he got back he found a space right outside my apartment building. Another car was just vacating the spot so he stopped a few yards away. Just as he got ready to park a car passed him on the outside and dove into the spot he was waiting for. He cursed at the other driver. Suddenly he went quiet. He found himself sitting with the steering wheel in his hands, hanging free in the air. He had focused all his anger into his arms and had accidentally torn it loose from the dashboard.

He also like to do little harmless pranks at parties. One time I had a rather large birthday party in my apartment. It was quite a lot guests, including my brother. I had borrowed some old plastic chairs so it would be more places to sit. As I said my brother is a big man and he crashed through one of these chairs. A leg had broken under his weight. Everyone who saw it got a good laugh as he came tumbling down. He was a good sport about it and laughed with them. He also saw an opportunity for a good prank and quickly restored the chair so it looked whole again, although the slightest nudge would make the chair collapse once more. He went to get another beer and when he came back he found a place to sit and - BANG - he was down on the floor yet again. He had fallen victim to his own prank.

I just got a message from my brother. He is in town and would like to crash at my place. For most people it is just a saying - to crash somewhere - but when it comes to my brother you better take it literally. He is going to crash, sooner rather than later. Still he is my favorite visitor. Still he is my worst visitor.

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