Hovercraft and Purple Lightning

by Matt Triewly

Preface

Reality?


Why is there a picture of a hovercraft gliding up the slipway in Ryde playing over and over on the telly?

I pick up the remote and select the next channel.

There is a short clip of a hovercraft gliding up the slipway in Ryde. It keeps replaying as though on a loop.

What the fuck?!

I select the next channel.

A hovercraft glides up the slipway in Ryde...

I click again.

A hovercraft glides up the slipway in Ryde...

I click a thousand times. Or so it seems.

A hovercraft glides up the slipway in Ryde...

What the FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!

I press the standby button on the remote but instead of killing the picture the scene merely freezes...

There is a still of a hovercraft gliding up the slipway in Ryde...

Huh?!

I gaze into the screen as everything begins to fuse into shades of purple. Lilac. Mauve. Turquoise...

Weird

And then from the screen I discern feelers growing out into the room, tiny at first but lengthening rapidly like jagged little forks of lightning...

Oh my God! They're coming for me!

I turn, panicking, I run but get nowhere because there's a table in front of me blocking my way... and on the table is a full cooked English breakfast...

"They're coming for me..."

"Who's coming for you, darling?" my missus asks me calmly.

"THEM!" I shout out and indicate with my thumb over my shoulder.

"There's nobody there, dear."

I quickly twist my head round... and I see that the news is on...

I don't understand.

"You're not well darling. Eat your breakfast, it will do you good."

I cut myself off some bacon - delicious.

I look up and out the window and see some kids kicking a ball around. Everything's okay after all.

"I don't think I can carry on much longer, he's getting really bad now..."

She's on the phone, and suddenly the room's becoming tinged with purple...

I open my eyes. It is light and I can hear the wife rushing around getting ready for work. I realise that I am not going mad after all. It was just another crazy dream. And then I think of Chuang-Tze.

Am I a mad man dreaming that I'm sane? Or a sane man dreaming that I am mad?

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