Full Circle...

by Apollimy

He wasn't supposed to die! How dare he leave me here alone, mourning his self-afflicted death. I wiped the tears from my eyes and closed out my web browser. The next one better not be like him. Dating sites make it so easy to score these days, there is no need to wander the streets anymore. With a few promiscuous pictures and a little dirty talk, I will have a replacement in less than an hour. Alex will always have a special place in my heart but I need to move on, the sooner the better. His death just makes me want comfort even more.

                Now before you go and judge me you should know that I am just like you. I am just looking for love, but it seems that my soul mate is playing a little game of hide and seek. Just when I think I have found "the one", they do something stupid and leave me. Never again!

                I am not an overly sexual person in general, but I am always chasing the next high. A good set of tits in a low-cut shirt seems to be the key to a man's pants and the goods stashed in them.

                So here I am sitting on a musty old mattress at a two-bit motel, flipping through dating sites, looking for my next fix. There is this one guy MrSmiley who seems down to have a good time, even though he looks clean cut and well kept. I may not get a fix out of him but his body has me nibbling on my lip. I normally stay away from the overly good looking ones, they draw to much attention. But, for him I might risk it all.

                'Hey beautiful, how you doing?' @MeSmiley

                'Hey Babe! I am good, just bored and really really lonely.' @Boobalicious

                'Yeah. Me too.' @ MrSmiley

                'Any ideas on how to cure the boredom? lol' @Boobalicious

                'Wanna meet up and we can be bored together? ;) ' @MrSmiley

                Got him. We agree to meet up at a local dive bar in thirty minutes. Might as well swing by the local drug store before heading over. I am low on needles and condoms as is. Speaking of needles, you should see the way people look at a you when purchase some from the pharmacy. Most will give you a look of disgust, like you are the vilest piece of shit to ever walk the earth. Others transfer their experiences of having a sick family member or being sick themselves and give you a look of pity. Thankfully the only one who looked at me tonight was the cashier to verify my identity.

                I arrived at the bar a few minutes early so I could scope out the scene. A few regulars stood out front smoking, the rest where perched on their bar stools staring into their drinks.

                Mr.Smiley is already there. He was at the far end of the bar nursing what looked like jack and coke. A small piece of me wanted to head out the door and forget this endeavor. The other part was wallowing in loneliness and needed a drink.


                "The one and only babe! Damn they don't call you Boobalicous for nothing, look at you girl!"

                "Aww.. thank you! You're not so bad looking yourself hun. Though you were being catfished huh?" I asked, taking up the seat besides him.

                "A little but now that you are here I have no complaints. What are you drinking tonight sweetheart?"

                "Vodka and Cran."

                He raised his glass and flagged down the bartender. "Can I get a Vodka and Cran for my girl here and two shots of Patron."

                "Sure thing bud. You want to start a tab?" The Bartender asked reaching for the glasses.

                "No, just using cash tonight." MrSmiley responded reaching into his pocket and pulling out a wad of twenties.

                "Trying to get me tipsy, huh?" I ask flashing him a playful smile.

                "Perhaps." He held out his hand. "Name is Pete by the way."

                "Danielle. Nice to meet you Pete."

                "Pleasure is all mine darling."

We sat there talking about nothing really, just casual conversation to pass the time. By the third round of Patrons my head was spinning, by the fifth I couldn't seem to stay in my seat. I remember him helping me into his car, the feeling of his arms wrapped around me tight. Street lights seemed to blur into one, as my eyes tried their best to focus. We finally arrived at a small house, the yard was littered with trash and broken down lawn mowers. The windows where boarded up from the outside, and the sound of dogs barking filled the air.

                "We are here babe." Pete said as he got out of the car and went to unlock the front door.

                'Get out of here.' A voice in my head screamed. 'Get out now!'

                I struggled to find the door handle, but my fruitless attempts where squandered by Pete. He opened the door and scooped me up in his arms.

                "Put me down!" I mumbled feebly pushing against his chest.

                He didn't respond. He just brought me into the house and kicked the door shut behind us. I felt myself falling as he dropped me unceremoniously on to the couch, and headed towards the kitchen.

                "I got to go. Pete. I got to go." I mumbled trying to sit up.

                "No. You don't need to go anywhere, I got what you need babe." He came back into the room put a tin can on the table beside me.

                "Pete, please. "

                "Shhh. It's okay." Pete knelt down beside me and brushed my bangs off my forehead. "I will take care of you, okay." He reached over and picked up my arm and laid it against the edge of the couch. Pushing up my sleeve revealed the track marks dotting my arm like polka dots. He winced as if each one had been afflicted on to him personally. "My brother used to have tracks just like these."

                "Where.. where is he your brother?" I asked as I looked longingly at the tin can.

                "He died." Pete answered as he opened the container and pulled out a syringe filled with a clear liquid and a constriction band.

                "What is that?" I asked in confusion.

                "It's okay. It's what you need right?"

                "Please Pete. Don't. Don't do this!" I begged as he wrapped the band around my arm.

                "I have too."


                "Want to show you something." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He carefully removed a worn out folded photo out of its depths and help it up to me. It was family picture. I could make out Pete with two younger girls standing on either side of him, and besides them was Alex.

                My heart stopped as shock began to settle in. "No! NO! You can't be his.. brother!"

                "It's a small world. You know it wasn't hard to find you. Alex wasn't as smart as he thought, damn fool never changed his passwords."

                Tears filled my eyes. He blamed me for Alex's death, but it wasn't my fault! I wasn't even there.

                "Pete. I didn't do anything to your brother. I promise. He was getting his fix before we even met. Please Pete, you have to believe me!"

                Pete put the picture away and reached for the needle. "I know Danielle. But that doesn't change anything. Alex is dead."

                I tried to fight him off but he put his elbow into my chest, stopping me from resisting. "NO! PETE, GET OFF OF ME!"

"Don't fight it Danielle!" He ordered.

                I felt the needle barrow itself into my skin puncturing my vein. A warmth filled my arm and the world started to spin. I felt weightless as the world began to turn black and the haunting image of Pete's tear streaked face burned into my mind. "Screw... you... Pete."

                I woke up in a hospital bed, connected to enough IV's to kill a person. I tried to call out for help but my mouth was so dry I couldn't move my lips. I reached around until I found the clicker to summon a nurse. A few minutes a nurse came bustling with a rolling monitor in hand.

                "Good. You are awake. You had us worried there for a minute. It's a good thing your friend dropped you off when he had, you over dosed on morphine. You were given a dose Narcan and put on immediate Detox regiment per the Doctors orders."


                "Water? Right." She grabbed a plastic cup of water of the side table and held it to my lips. "Here you go. Slowly now."

                I struggled to swallow but with each new mouth full it became easier. I finished the cup and thanked her.

                "Your friend left you this." She pulled out a letter from behind the clipboard and handed it to me. "He wanted you to have it as soon as you woke up. If you need anything just call out the nurse station is a room down, or press the button. Someone will come around to take your lunch order with in the hour."

                My hands shook as I opened the letter and began to read.

Dear Danielle,

I don't know how you felt about my brother, but he loved you. Before he passed he asked me for money to buy a ring. I turned him down, thinking he was going to use it by more drugs. He passed away two days later. To atone I decided to do for you, what I wish I could have done for him. As of right now you are clean Danielle. You decided what happens next, I hope you choose to stay that way. Take care.


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