It all started with one word ‘Hi’.
She never knew that the simplest of words would change her life...forever.Aria was a not like any normal teenager, yeah she rebelled like most , but unlike most she loved reading and writing.
Dark brown hair, Hazel eyes , 5 ft 1 , 18 years old... she always thought she was small but mighty.. She’d indulge in a book more than once a week and always finish before that week ended.
Brett one the other hand , was dark and mysterious. Nothing like Aria, hated reading , despised writing... still - dark hair, green eyes, 5 ft 10 , 22 years old... but somehow , some way...they met.
It was a world wind romance that she thought was too good to be true, you see she’d never had a ‘real’ relationship before only short, teenaged type stuff on the other hand Brett had just recently come out of a 5 year relationship. The first time they met she had gone as far as to invite him to her home.
They sat...spoke for awhile about their life’s ... She’d been an only child to a one parent family, her father passing away whilst she was young from substance abuse , her mother classed as disabled. She had a very tough upbringing even though many people didn’t know it at all as she was a very secluded person when it came to the privacy of her childhood. Shed been depressed as a teenager, her dads daughter (her half sister) was in jail for murder.. and then she met him. Brett Holmes.
As for him... He had 6 siblings..3 sisters,3 brothers. He had lived with his mum and father for awhile but they separated... and his father took him away from that...so he grew up alone too... He’d battled ADHD which in its worst form causes aggression, anxiety and hypersensitivity.. His mum had never really been around for him and neither had his siblings... He lost his best friend , Jay , in a car crash.. left his girlfriend of 5 years... then he met her. Aria Hastings.
It was amazing how two people so different , went together, so perfectly. Or that’s what Aria thought. After a couple of weeks together , she went to a family members birthday party because that’s who she was, a family person, she had fun. She got to his house the morning after and she saw a person shed never seen before... it was him, but it was different. Normally a happy go lucky sort of guy, his demeanour was totally different... He was accusing her , going off in moods that he/she couldn’t explain. She didn’t think anything of it at the time, she just thought it was that he hadn’t taken his tablets for his ADHD.
How wrong she was...
It wasn’t until they had been together for 3 months that she realised he wasn’t the man she fell in love. It started out as petty things. Words when they argued.
‘I hate you’ ‘Your a dog’ ‘Your a slag’ ‘You don’t do anything for me’
Then the words got harsher ‘Go die’ ‘Drop dead’ ‘Go get raped’ ‘Ill go fuck my ex then youll leave wont you’
She really loved this man, with all her heart and soul , did absolutely everything for him... yeah he put a roof over her head and made sure she could shower and sleep, but was that all worth it to get spoken to like that? She fed him, bought him the latest Xbox/PS4 Game, Got him up every morning... she even washed his back in the shower...
It started making her feeling really crappy, but she thought that it was just a phase , that it was normal as shed never been in this sort of relationship before. One day whilst she was on facebook whilst out he didn’t really like it... Aria got home and the day carried on as normal , she made him drinks , they watched movies together and then went to bed. She was woken at around 4 o’clock in the morning...with his LEG in her side shouting. She was so confused and dazed as she had just been violently woken up.. He started shouting accusations at her like ‘Who the fucks this?’ ‘Whos fucking Olly?’ She was still so confused.. They went into the kitchen so she could talk properly. This is what happened. Aria ‘Whos olly? What at you onabout Brett?’ Brett ‘You liked his fucking picture on facebook don’t fucking lie to me’ They argued for abit...
Aria reasoning with Brett that Olly was a guy she knew in college , and he was gay... so he had no reason to worry that she had liked his picture. Then it happened... The first time. He hit her. Around her face. She was too stunned to speak, tears just flowed down her cheeks... She doesn’t know why... but she forgave him.. hoping... even praying... that it would be the last time.
It was. For awhile.
Everything after that calmed down abit. They had both promised that they wouldn’t use facebook again as it was just an excuse for couples to break up...or to argue and they just didn’t need it... The arguments had cooled off , he hadn’t laid a hand on her for a couple of weeks approximately... shed forgotten about the incident and they seemed really happy.
Movie nights in, Pool nights out..Everything seemed so perfect.
Until she started getting jealous...
because of one message ‘Hi stranger’ it was his ex girlfriend Emma.
Since that message something just switched in her head. The arguing peaked again...hit the limit to the point where he would made her feel bad and she would apologise. Hed promise over and over again that nothing was going on, he wasn’t speaking to her.
Deep down though...she knew.
It all came on so quickly, shed never even realised it... At first it was just feeling low every now and again...then it wasn’t going out, seeing friends or family..
Shed practically disconnected herself from life. She hated waking up on a morning, hated walking around feeling unwanted and useless... Everything would get to her, the smallest of things like an advert on TV or a song on the radio.
Then the doctor told her
She never thought it would come back and haunt her again, not after the 4 years of having it been a teenager... Brett was there for her, just like she needed... over the months before it though, leading up to it... he wasn’t...it was full of arguments... her being hit on countless occasions too many to even count. She loved him though, deeply , so she forgave him every time. Now she needed him the most, he was there... that’s what counted right? Wrong.
He was there for a couple of weeks but due to her depression the arguments got worse. ‘ I cant cope with you get out’ he’d say kicking her out at stupid times on a morning.
‘Your talking to her aren’t you, you might aswell go fuck her!’ she’d accuse.
Then he started hitting her again. It was that bad once that she had a bruise under the right eye, bruises all down her arm and on her legs. Shed cover up when shed go out so nobody would notice but one person did... they noticed the mark under her eye and she lied... protecting him because she loved him because she forgave him the first time so it would make her look stupid leaving NOW wouldn’t it? After months of it happening?
After all the emotional abuse too she felt numb, like nobody wanted her, like she didn’t deserve to be here... and the depression made it a million times worse. She was made to feel like she couldn’t socialize with anybody, the only time she really went out was to buy him food...or cigarettes.
In December of 2016... the worst moment they had occurred. She sat on their bed, Face red from crying...apologising to him for accusing him for so long of speaking to his ex girlfriend... ‘I feel like I’m going crazy, accusing you all the time I’m so sorry’ she cried onto his shoulder... and he soothed her.. promising it was her depression making her be like that. After Christmas, she found out.
For months behind her back. He had been speaking to Emma since august . Shed contacted Emma , against his wishes (obviously) Shed told Aria everything. Showed her messages.. Aria was broken inside... along with the depression, the abuse (emotionally and physically) now this... but she forgave him, even though in her mind she didn’t, but she loved him. If she wanted to give him a chance she could. The trust was never there for her after that...
but Brett didn’t know anything... he just thought everything was normal.
She was broken... A shell of her former self. He didn’t even realise.
Over the months they had been together up until that point which was around 9/10 months , shed been through so much... she just didn’t know where she belonged anymore. There was still arguments, still abuse, still negativity because of what had happened. He made her feel like she was going crazy when all along she was right.. he played her. She never really got over that.
Though there was still abuse...she still loved him, not really knowing why. Her family started hating him from the beginning, now they were starting to hate her too. She was just lost. He didn’t have a care in the world. He would go about his day as normal not realising the demons she was fighting every day...
One day, nearly 2 years into the relationship... she had shocking new for him. She was pregnant. Everything changed, it went back to how it was when they first met, no abuse, no shouting, no arguments... she couldn’t have been happier and neither could he. Everything was perfect, they got an early scan at 6 weeks due to not knowing how far she was... Even though there had been abuse in the relationship, they did speak about kids..as crazy as it sounds because they did love each other. 18 months into the relationship, and there she was expecting a baby. The scan went okay, there was no baby to detect as it was too early so they had another scan booked for the 19th December. Her HCG levels weren’t doubling as they should have been and she was frightened. He ended up being her rock. That scan went okay, the doctors still said it was too early. They just had to wait for their little cherub to grow that’s all.
That wasn’t all.
Christmas day came and she realised she was spotting, she panicked as you would... she spoke to doctors and they said it can be normal... over the next 2 days the bleeding got worse and worse, till on the morning of the 28th.. she miscarried, utterly broken..
Brett had been through miscarriages with previous partners. It was her first One. Shed only just really started feeling better after her depression... after everything that had gone on between them in the past 2 years she thought it was her fault.
She blamed herself and so did he.
The arguing started again not long after, then the abuse started again. Her depression came back with a bang. She didn’t want to be with him anymore and she knew that now, each day that was passing she was hating him more and more.
She just didn’t know how to leave because she still loved him, she still believed he could change, but her gut instinct was telling her he wouldn’t.
She wasn’t happy no more. 2 years together had finally ruined her. Depressed, alone... she had nobody to turn to. He knew and so she did she, that if she left shed be homeless... she felt like nobody would ever want her again, he’d ruined her self esteem, made her hate herself . He would always threaten her with ‘ill throw you out then you’ll have no one. He would physically abuse her, he’d torn down everything about her... she was petrified of him, she walked on eggshells not knowing if she said this or said that if he’d flip and hurt her. He threatened her with death, saying he’d kill her, and her family...
There was awhile where she stayed with him to protect her close family as she knew he would do it, because he was crazy when he wanted to be, he’d proved that many times by laying his hands on her, or putting his hands round her throat. She was truly petrified of him, scared for her family...not so much herself because she thought she deserved it.
She thought she deserved every slap, punch, kick that he gave, because that’s what he did to her.. He did love her, he’d say it, he’d kiss and cuddle her but she didn’t know if that was enough anymore.
She didn’t know if it made him feel good, he’d never apologise it would always be her apologising, every single time. One day she packed a suitcase of her clothes and important belongings at the bottom of their bed, promising herself that as soon as she had the courage shed leave.. That day never came.
One day whilst he was out, she laid in the bath...contemplating her life.
That was when she decided what she’d do.
She put her favourite song on, Did her makeup.. and wrote him a letter.
you were the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m sorry it has to be this way, its the only way. You deserve better, everyone does. I love you. Aria xx’
It was then she took her life.
Like a bird flying high, she was free.
Shed never feel the pain of being abused ever again, it wouldn’t haunt her for years to come, it wouldn’t follow her around anymore. It would however follow him around.