Study Methods

by Zach Masri


Prose writing.

I always end up at the Outback bar in Fanshawe College whenever I need a moment to study. This place is great. The beer is cheap, the waitresses are sexy, and best of all it's never really that busy. I usually hate day drinking because it puts me to sleep by 7:00 pm but, I find when I am at school I tend not to think about how early it is. I also have a mountain of essays that I have to write for my midterm reports so the liquor really just helps me undermine the urgency.

The only thing that I find annoying about the Outback is the shitty country music that plays through the speakers and the waitresses constantly checking up on me to get extra tips. It completely interrupts my train of thought and the management should really pay close attention to this seeing as degenerate kids like me come here to study - contrary to popular belief.

Anyways, I am writing this to you as I suck back my forth pint of Molson Canadian. I haven't eaten anything today and it is now 2:00 so the liquor is really hitting my brain at this very moment. I am reading a research paper on dose-effect curves for my Addictions course which is about an hour away at this point - pretty boring stuff.

Not only is this ironic but, surprisingly enough today's lecture is regarding the inherited "alcohol dependent" genes through multiple twin studies. I'm just thinking about how funny it would be if I stood up in the front of the class and chugged a glass of Beer to demonstrate the dose-effect of alcohol on my body. Then I would proceed to slur a bunch of intoxicated nonsense until I am forced to leave the classroom with my pants somehow ending up around my ankles. Fuck I'm drunk.

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