Whomever

by Trevor Greer

February 11th, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

I apologize for the sloppy writing, it been awhile since I've actually used a pencil. The year so far has been like every other, uneventful, and like every year prior...I will be alone on Valentine's Day. It really should not be surprising at this point, the surprise should be if I actually have a date or some sort of significant other...Mom would really like.

February 22nd, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

I had a pretty good day! After a lecture that felt unnaturally long, I met up with an old friend from High School. She had recently moved back to Arizona, after studying abroad for ten years she told me that she started feeling homesick. It was hard containing the excitement I had, but I found a way to manage. After a few hours of talking we had to part ways, she had to meet her mother. Amara said she'd love to do it again, she gave me her number!

March 2nd, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

Dr. Kent brought me into his office today for a stern talking to, even though he called it a "patient re-alignment" ;you could tell he was very mad about my journal entries being inconsistent. I promised him that I'd try harder, that seemed to make him feel better. He proceeded to ask his usual questions, Do I miss my sister? Stupid question. Have I talked to my mother? Not a chance. How are things going with Amara? This made me smile a little, but I still replied just fine.

March 7th,2017

To whomever it may concern,

Amara and I have officially became girlfriend and boyfriend. Things have been incredibly smooth, excluding the couple spats, she really seems to get me. Tamara is the only one I've managed to open up to about my sister's accident...why do I even write this if you don't read?

March 10th, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

Amara had to go back to France to pick up some records she needed for an application. I asked why they couldn't just fax it or send through e-mail...we live in the 21st century! She muttered something that I can't even fully remember. The only thing I do remember is that she invited me to come with her...being the idiot I am I refused that led to an argument, I see that now but I'll make it up to her when she gets back.

March 12th, 2017

To whomever it may concern

Amara is still in France, while I'm battling the sun. I guess her records got held up a few more days, she promised to be back as soon as she possibly could. I really miss her. The sessions with Dr.Kent have been going well, he even commented on my progress over the past few months. Things are getting better!

March 12th, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

Amara caught a late flight home, she's sleeping now, I usually don't feel the need to write twice a day, but a lot happened. When I got home from my session with Dr.Kent,Amara was at my house waiting for me. Containing my excitement was impossible at that point, it's been months since I was so excited to see somebody! Instantly I rushed to her and wrapped my my arms around her. Amara was shocked to see at my level of excitement. I apologized for not coming with her on the trip, but her absence gave me perspective. I told her that I loved her, and I wanted her to use the key she had to move in with me...she said yes!

March 13th, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

Waking up and seeing her, something so simple, made me so happy. Happy enough to take a walk in the park, colors seemed brighter, she seemed more beautiful, and most importantly I was in the moment. The session later that day was surprisingly fun. It was idle chitchat, nothing depressing, no asking about the accident, or my mother. A new day indeed.

March 16th, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

The living situation with Amara has progressed pretty well. I just have to get use to there being another person with me in the place. Amara made it her mission to decorate and style the place...not too sure how I feel about that. Overall, I am comfortable with the situation.

March 20th, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

The session with Dr.Kent was strange today, instead of meeting in the office we took a stroll in the park. Our conversation was more personal, if that makes sense. Amara called me afterwards she said she had something important to tell me.

March 20th, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

I'm not too sure how to summarize my day, emotionally, it started off great but...Amara told me she didn't go to France to get records. She got some dumb job being some rich loser's personal art buyer...there was some official title but I don't care to remeber. AMARA LIED. March 21st, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

After a long argument that devolved into us just throwing insults at each other, we went to bed. Sleeping next to her was still a highlight of my day, as well as waking up and seeing her. Before we went to bed she said that I can come with her, that she wants me to come...she knows I can't, she knows I won't. Maybe she made the offer knowing Iwould refuse, making it easier to break up with me.

March 23rd, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

The session with Dr.Kent was relieving, he thought that I should go with Amara and live happily ever after. He knew I couldn't leave. Amara and I went about business as usual, we just accepted that our relationship had an expiration date...we were determined to be happy until then. March 28th, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

Amara has been gone a couple days now, we still talk a lot, and she seems to be adjusting well...That's good. Dr. Kent let me know that he is retiring today, I guess his wife has been nagging him to soend more time with the family, and that the time just felt right. He suggested a few others therapist. I think I'm over therapy.

March 31st, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

I really don't have any more reason to write in this stupid journal, but it's become habit,so I guess I'll continue.

April 1st, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

I moved to France, Amara and I back together! I am the biggest fool in April. On a more serious note, Amara called me again today this conversation was more emotional...she said that her time has been miserable in France. I guess all she does is work and stay home. She sent a plane ticket and said this is my final chance. Why does she do this to me?

April 2nd, 2017

To whomever it may concern,

My mom called me like 30 times today. I know what she wants, but I don't feel like dealing with her or it. Maybe next birthday. Unsurprisingly I spent thevrest of the day sulking...if I had a nickel...

April 4th, 2017

Dear Sara,

I spoke with Dr. Kent, needless to say, he was quite shocked. He was still willing to help...this is actually his idea. He called it a "Final Plea" that if I could'nt move on after bearing everything, releasing everything, then I was never going to move on. So here it goes...I'm sorry I brought you to Arizona, I'm sorry that I didn't look after you better. We habe never believed in a god, but since you've been gone believing in a higher power...believing that you are alive in spirit has kept me alive in flesh. If you are watching over me then you're probably laughing at me for writing this stupid note. I often think back to that night, and I get angry, angry at you, for pulling me into the passenger seat...I was driving, I killed you. I have been too weak to confess this to anyone, I don''t think I've admitted it to myself. I couldn't tell anyone, I'm too scared to go to prison, yet I've created a prison for myself. Me never leaving this place is the only way I can pay you. Now I am asking, I'm begging, that you let me leave. Please...

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