Rising Again

by Vishalatchi Arunagiri

Preface

Getting myself back again.


In life, i've learnt something, the never ending lies. The mind games they play on me. Best part, even wondering what would happened if somebody take my family away from me. fear of abandonment. I am loosing my mind slowly. Everything i ever dream of came true. The last 3 years was hevean. Now i'm back in a rot. lost. soul searching. finding myself again.

Ever last breathe has been taken out of me. I'm wondering why did i ever come here. was it the place or people? or was it just my mind. I am loosing it. Tricks after tricks. even wondering if i ever will have a home. would i be in the street one day.

I am ever so greatful for every single in my life, for my parents and siblings for always being there. MMHA and JPA and Language works. Thank you harian metro, the star, health today and nona magazine. Thank you VBuzz and segi college, JPA rawang and Kauntan and MMHA.

I am bless for the three years. I am in the mist of recovery, now i have gone backwards. is there still hope? will hope ever come? when will i ever be able to live again? should i let the down fall hit me or pick up where i fell again and rise once again.

I am going to rise again. Not a tear drop. yes i fear and worry too much. But i am looking forward for a holiday. I enjoy the photoshoots it was so much fun, all my birthday parties. I enjoy getting mementos. My story has been told. I wanted to always be an advocate and to get married and live a life where i don't burdan my family.

I need to stop. I just need to stop. I need to stop sinking in and listening to the voices and help my mother and now i have achieved a job for two months which is another great achievement. I have recieve my salary last month. I am happy. But something draging me down, and making my spirit dull. I think its because i am loosing focus. I can't contrade as much as before.

So i decided to take injection. It worked a bit. I feel better. I am also doing peer support meetings. which has made my boss proud of me. something about stress level of work has made me gone bonkers. Also the treatment i get from people have changed, or is it my imagination. Am i just going crazy again? could it be the mood and moon.

whatever is it, i am going back to prayers and temple and also getting myself out there to keep my mind busy, maybe even focus on work and not other things. sometimes thinking is the problem. I am getting better and i will rise again.

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