i've moved on. I've found myself again. I found a purpose of my life and illness and i knew what i could do with my skills.
I had everything from appearing in the news to tv stations and then speeches. I need fell, my reputation got ruined people started being mean to me, so i am empty no happiness, i work because i have nothing else to do. I am not apart of anything, i am alone. completely alone with my caregivers and family so far away, i managed to keep myself happy for two days. I ended up feeling too ruined inside but i hide it. I hide my feeling. I ended up doing well but i came home they attacked me.But i didn't fall, i rose back up again.
I want a complete new life. because here is were it all started, biggest mistake is coming home. should stayed somewhere close to my sister. I can't live in bangkok anymore because i have no friends everybody ditched me.
I am alone with my mother. I have my father and brother and sister. I need to get friends too. I am here to deal with myself and make friends and courage them to be better and stronger. I am happy with my life and job.
I love my family, they stand by me. I need them the most. I hate having to deal with people who bully me.
I have a complete new set of plans and arrangements ready for backup incase i get fired. I am a bad sexample sometimes, but i know generally i am smart, pretty and i love to dress up. I love makeup and beauty and fashionable. I am happy with myself and i have achieve wonderful things. I am bless if i die i know that i have lived my life. I hope somebody keeps my brother and sister safe and my mom and dad and me.
I don't want to get in trouble for writing the truth, but i had to say it, as i said it in my speech.Its an imagination, and delusions and trama and family issues and friends that caused me to be sick. I hope one day, i will be seen and noticed for all that i have achieved. I need people to accept me. And not listen to one side of the story.
Its not about having friends or love anymore, but how important your family is, and how i want them to be close to me. I want them to know i love them and i miss you. You don't understand what the last 6 years has done to me how i suffered with just mommy beside me.
I HAVE nobody else to talk to except my psycharist and psychologist, mommy. so i am begging you i need a peaceful life. one without people trying to crab me or mom away from each other or other memebers of my family. we may not that close but i only have you guys.
Thank you for everything. Thank for the small chances of being famous in magazines, newspapers and tv.
I hope more can understand i am dying and in pain. I am depress and biopolar and schizophrenia. So bare in mind i don't like people or people touching me. I don't like it. I am proud so say its coming to two months of my work and i am doing well. even though there was a problem, with me and my voices i managed to get myself out and do my activities and i managed to become a better person.
I will always be different and a misfit. its normal for me, but to others its werid. i don't care anymore, i just want a peaceful life without enemies and nobody to put me down. i am stronger then you think yes i am forgetful and i still have sympothms and i am bored sometimes, so i decided to stand firmed and fight for my voice and my life back. who i onced was. I will get back into society hopefully.