by JR Graham


When I came to I was lying on the bedroom of my floor beside the dresser on which my stereo system was placed, Poison the well was playing and I had a throbbing headache from the shear volume that was forcing its way into my ears. I got up and threw the room light on, the place was a mess as usual. I grabbed a shirt off the floor and went and sat in my kitchen, I looked out the window at the trees and watched the birds swooping in and out of them. It was a beautiful august day, so I sat and tried to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my weekend.

I had been through this process a million times before, but yet I was always lost for ideas, it didn't matter friends would be calling me tonight asking me to go see the latest hardcore band or to the house party they were having, its all I ever did anymore. I had fallen into a rut.

My Black 69 Chevelle SS has been sitting, neglected in storage since the accident I had traveling back from New York last summer, my friends always bug me to take them out it in. I hated the attention that it got, I hated the people that it attracted, especially those girls, so empty on the inside. Id rather walk.

  The Day had Droned on, eventually the sky started to turn a blue- grey and on that note I set out for a walk, it was the perfect temperature. Cold enough to wear a long sleeve shirt without breaking a sweat. As I set out I chose no particular path, just walked while looking at the sky while passing random pedestrians. It was nights like these that made me feel alive again. The Sun had just about completely set and most of the orange had disappeared from the sky. As I walked with my hands shoved in my pockets and a renewed bounce in my step, I Started to think about current issues with friends, funny incidences from weekends past. Before I knew it the sky was totally black and the stars were shining bright when I finally stopped at a big oak tree and looked at my watch, 4 hours had past and I was at the forest on the outskirts of town.

I wasn't ready to go home yet, I ventured in on a well worn path with only the silver- grey moonlight to guide me. It didn't take long before I had veered far from the safety of the path, with no particular direction or destination in mind. I came to a small rocky clearing on the hillside and found a large flat boulder to lay on with my hands underneath my head. I stared blankly at the brilliance of the night time sky away from the polluting lights of the city. It was in places like these that I was at peace.

The next morning I woke up at 12:30 sprawled on my bed, I got up and went to go check my messages, nothing out of the ordinary, random friends trying to get a hold of me. The last message was from my best friend Marco, saying he wanted me to go see some band at a local nightclub with him later tonight, so I called him back to ask what time the doors opened at and the directions.

For once I decided to take the chevelle out I needed to make sure it was running properly before it went back into storage for the upcoming winter. It didn't take me long to find the place, Club Audacity. It had just recently opened on the Friday before. I was early and got a decent parking spot, the doors weren't open yet and so I stood outside waiting for Marco to show, 15 minutes later I saw him turn the corner. He was accompanied by a girl, not just any girl. I felt my heart leap into my stomach as they approached, as they came up Marco asked if I had be waiting long and so on and so forth, I was having trouble forming the right words to respond to him with. Luckily the Doors opened and I paid the 5 $ cover and went in.

We continued to make small talk and then the main band took the stage, just some no name hardcore band. They continued to play and it was apparent that these guys had a lot of talent. With energetic guitar and vocals topped off with really nice subtle bass and drums it was a perfect mix, the pit started to explode and it wasn't long before I no longer knew any familiar faces. As the band continued into the set, the mood started to turn ugly, I could see people starting to get hurt by the violent undertones. Then all of the sudden the guitar started to climax with the vocals right behind it and it rolled into a short break and then, it was pure mayhem. People everywhere started lashing out hitting kicking, doing whatever to inflict pain. As I defended myself with my fists I searched the crowd frantically for my friends. And then suddenly there was Marco body surfing, the crowd began to "float" him, up higher and higher each time. Until I saw him come down but he didn't land . Properly, no not on his back, or on the crowd,

he landed with his neck facing the hard cement floor. I saw the crowd close in around him. I felt my face go red as the adrenaline hit my blood stream. I removed the brass knuckles from my back pockets that I kept in case of an incident like this. With the music fuelling my energy and aggression. I went. I tried to keep from blacking out as I acted in pure rage and instinct, finally I got to the area where I saw him go down I saw a faint hand on the ground in the ocean of people it was bruised and bloody. When I got closer I saw people standing on him kicking him and even jumping on parts of him. I froze, fearing the worst but as soon as one set of eyes met mine, the set that belonged to the guy who was kicking him. Before I could think I reacted. My hand enclosed in a knuckle of brass had met his jaw line, it was as if time had slowed down and I watched it shift in two different directions fleeing from the metal that had just forced its way into the bone. Immediately I turned and did the same to the next only with an uppercut, Others received broken ribs and missing teeth, I had worked enough of them back to find the girl laying on top of him trying to protect him I started screaming as the tears flowed. I grabbed both of them and pulled them out with everything I had within me. I Found their body's light with the rage inside of me.

My first reaction was to call an ambulance but I knew I could get them there far faster then anyone else. I ran with them to the car, and put them in the backseat, as I did the girl came too and started to scream when she saw Marco, he was barely breathing. I floored it, the adrenaline had not stopped, and now Marco's life was in my hands, the same ones that turned white gripping the steering wheel. I could barely see out of my eyes and I didn't even bother to look at the speedometer. Everything that was important to me and everything I loved was contained in this car.

As the 454 roared she tried to dress his wounds, and unsure his neck stayed straight, he was unconscious. It wasn't long before I picked up an Police cruiser and then within 3 minutes another one, I never bothered to glance In my mirror but I could tell because of the offset sirens. It was a 30 minute drive to the hospital if you were speeding, I was hoping to turn that into 15. we weren't far off when she screamed, "his heart stopped" and in that moment so did the world, "just hold on, just hold on" I found myself screaming. She started performing CPR but I knew from the feeling inside of me that he was gone, I could feel everything fall to pieces inside of my, my hands began to shake as we roared into the hospital. I wanted to throw up. I opened my door threw my seat forward and took Marcos lifeless body out of the leather back seat, I felt dizzy and my eyes were clouded tears. I brushed by the Police without a sound as I ran into the hospital. I began to scream as I laid him on the floor. They rushed over and collected his body. Only to pronounce him dead 30 minutes later.

I went and sat in the car, I was in no condition to drive, the girl was busy talking to the police. I had known Marco forever, I had practically raised the kid. I found him wandering the streets as a young boy and I took him under my wing. And now he was gone. Why did this time hurt more then all the times before. I must have been through this very situation a hundred times, it never gets any easier or better. But why was this time worse.

I started to reminisce of all the friends I've buried. Some drifted on peacefully in their old age, others robbed of their youth like Marco. I thought of all the times I had fallen in love, all the times I've married and all the lives I've lived and left behind. I became overcome with hate of what I was, this sheer animosity for this immortality that I had been granted, on a night just like this some 600 years past. People say vampires don't exist, and its true, Hollywood's portrayal of the vampire doesn't. Nobody sees them just as regular humans with superior immune and cell regeneration system, fuelled by a continuous supply in changing DNA,

No human knows the pain of immortal life, but still an endless amount of time and resources are spent pursuing it. How can they all overlook the most Beautiful factor of life, Morality itself.

Too many times I've had to leave loved ones and start a new life a new identity, when people started to see that I did not age a day past my early 20s. Too many times I've loved and lost. Too many times have I buried friends like Marco. After 600 years of torture I've reached the breaking point. I started my car, the same car I bought from the dealer 30 years ago, and drove it to that familiar place in the forest. Walking through I grabbed a stick off the floor of the forest and sharply broke it in half. As I sat on that familiar rock I looked up to the night time sky, the same one I had seen so many times before, I made a promise to myself. A solution if you will to this immortality, a solution to the pain and suffering that came with it. and for once in a long time I smiled. I was happy. I took the broken stick and forced it into my chest, past my ribs and into my heart. I didn't flinch, this pain was minor compared to the pain I had endured over all this time, I laid back and stared at that beautiful night sky happy that I had kept my promise. The next funeral I would attend, would be my own.

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