Tori


Bio

User has not created a bio yet.

Joined
December 2015

Stories
1

Comments
3

Favourite
0

Last Active
December 2015

Reputation
230

Commented
0

Favourited
0

Tori's received comments

  • From Andrew Handley on First Meeting

    this story left alot to be desired. all in all it was pretty confusing. you went from being in a classroom to being outside on a bench (maybe?) to being at the guys house. also you completely blew through any kind of detail. I want to know about what kind of day it was, what people look like, what the characters are thinking. i mean this girl just got picked up and carried to a guys house. is she scared? is she excited?
    overall it was a great new take on vampires, and the dialogue at the end left me wanting to know more about this vampire story.
    lets see chapter 2!

    Not rated
  • From Caroline on First Meeting

    its cute. i like it. the names in the last part are a little confusing. i thought that now the girl (bella) was being called rosalind. and there was a rosalie? i would suggest first talking about setting bella down and then introducing the characters as they walk in to the room. or maybe mention that alice and rosalind (rosalie) were home.

    also. in the second sentence there is a double negative. what you are saying is "no one thought that vampires dont walk among us" (i forget the actual sentence). reorganize or split the sentence.

    good work, keep writing.

    Not rated
  • From lorafay on First Meeting

    I am confused by most of this story. The introduction of the characters is poor but overall you have a wonderful imagination.

    Not rated