Tobias Pettersson


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Joined
December 2015

Stories
2

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2

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Last Active
December 2015

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Tobias Pettersson's received comments

  • From LeRoy Bohrer on A Fertile Marriage

    This was an amusing and entertaining story. I liked it very much.

    Not rated
  • From Cleveland on With Syblings Like This

    My comments may appear general but they do apply to your story and are worth bearing in mind should you write any other.
    Now adays a tendency has arisen to get into the story NOW. (It is rude to use all capitals but here I want to draw your attentio to the now bit).
    Start your story with (pure) action.
    Then folow with a piece of diaoogue.
    Back it with more action.
    After that describe what ever you like or explain away.
    At the moment your true life story has been watered down by too many words. Flummery is a term used by editors , especially when they are paying for every word printed.Learn to stick to the story line.What is the start of your story?The beer in the freezer. The explosion.The remarks that follow. Why the beer went into the freeezer and by whom.
    I'd suggest rewriting your story and changing the way you construct the story line. Relating a true life story only gets very good if told by a story teller.
    As an author I get invited to read from my current book. Instead of reading I wave it at the audience and show it to them. Then I relate the story in my own voice and without reading from the book. That way only the necessary words are spoken. All words not needed are dropped and the audience appreciate the story telling.
    Try telling your story to somebody and see what happens.Have courage.
    Failing that do go and rewrite what you've written.Create a spark.
    Best wishes for your future writing projects.
    If you haven't joined a community forum you ought to consider doing so. There aare many obvious benefits.
    CG

    Not rated